Tag Archives: writing

new woman

i haven’t had much to write about

although the eating was on point – and the workouts were on point (5-6 days a week)
the results just weren’t there

no changes

no loss

absolutely nothing

for 2 years

yes. two years

i finally bit the bullet and decided to go to the doctor and see what’s up
i knew – for a long time that there was something just not right
my body was telling me so…and so i decided enough was enough

i went to a walk in clinic since my family doctor is pretty far away

not to dwell too much but it was possibly the worst experience of my life

not only did he suggest a weight loss clinic that specializes in a keto lifestyle (hello – i am queen of low carb and we are talking about maybe 10 pounds i am struggling with )

he also suggested a weight loss pill – you know – cause why check to see if there is an underlying issue?

i literally had to beg for blood work – and he finally relented
he then added – results come back in 24 hours. you won’t hear from me because there is nothing wrong with you

and no – i never did get a call back

oh did i mention the eye roll? yes…he rolled his eyes while i poured out my heart

not long after – i split my heel open. i mean split it wide open
we bandaged it up and called it a day
only to find myself in a different walk in clinic the next morning – too late to get stitches…which i really needed and getting a tetanus shot (did i mention i am deathly afraid of needles????)
but anyway
i saw the sign – “doctors accepting new patients”

i quickly made an appointment and voila – i finally had a doctor
a seemingly good one to boot

they took about 9 vials of blood and my results came in 2 days before my vacation
doc wanted to see me

turns out my body does not absorb B12
he actually asked me if i was vegan

this explained so very much to me

i never had energy. i would nap every chance i got
i hated working out because i was exhausted all the time – and i never got that energy rush afterwards
my skin was a mess
and my hair was falling out
my brain always foggy

everything was a chore for me…i could barely grocery shop – cleaning the house would exhaust me etc

i just thought i was lazy (seriously!)

i felt like this for years

for years

he scheduled me for B12 injections once i returned from vacation
but i decided i would take the supplements while i was away

within 2 days i felt like a new woman

i had/have an unbelievable amount of energy
i never had to take a nap
my skin cleared up almost instantly
annnnnnd
i lost weight – all while eating whatever i wanted and zero exercise

and although i have to get injections every week for 10 weeks – i am happy
beyond happy to get that shot in my arm

i can’t even describe to you what difference this has made in my life

i’m still on a high from my vacation – so i haven’t jumped into any work out
but my eating is back on point

i am excited about what results i may see now that i have 10000% more energy to get shit done

i’m back baby
new and improved!

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lesson learned

about a year ago i bought a pair of pants

nothing special. just my favourite brand of black jeans

they were my “goal” pants

i purposely bought them a couple sizes smaller than what i was

these pants were my motivation – my end goal

they hung in my closet patiently waiting for me to get in to them already

these pants barely made it past my thighs

they definitely didn’t get past my hips never mind actually buttoning up

this morning in my 5am just woke up haze – i went and grabbed a pair of pants for work – threw them on
and they felt a little snug

what?

no way my regular pants would feel so “form fitting”

and that is when i realized i grabbed the wrong pair

and there i was in my “goal” pants. buttoned and zippered up

they battled my thighs and won!!!

i was in awe

sure – they were tight. *ahem* perhaps painted on tight

but damn they fit!!!!!!!!

and so i went to work with a perma smile

i was in my goal pants!!!!!!!

but the more the day passed…the more uncomfortable i was

i felt like a piggy in a blanket

i felt bigger than i ever have in my whole life!!!!

i finally pulled out my white flag – and unbuttoned the pants – right there at my desk
and let my poor little sausage roll belly breathe

it’s not total defeat
i mean they got on. they were comfortable in the morning
where as i have never ever been able to get them past my hips

so that’s a fucking win

but

i learned a lesson today

just because something fits – doesn’t mean you should wear it

here’s to hoping that next year – i will have to give them away because they are just too big

in the mean time i will just hang out in my yoga pants

they never judge
and never ever make me feel like a sausage roll

cheers

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perception

the past few months have really been huge

there has been a shift in me
in my energy

in my perception

life isn’t easy…let’s not pretend

life can be hard – stressful
it can shake you down

or it can build you up

i got tired of the negative voice in my head

no i’m not a negative person by default
but i am human – and i let things get to me

add to that how very analytical my brain is – and doesn’t shut off

well it can be a mess in there

then i started to think

about losses

things in my life that i felt i lost
or let go of
because i wasn’t good enough to have them etc

i wasn’t worthy

everything i have lost is my doing

blah blah blah

all these self defeating thoughts
going round and round like a loop in my head

making me feel really unlovable
i couldn’t even like myself

all these damn things

these things that were weighing me down
were not actually things
but me

no one or nothing can have that kind of power over you
unless you allow them to

it really is that simple
and that hard
all in the same breath

the things i have “lost”
i never lost
they weren’t mine to begin with

things that made me feel bad
bad about me, bad about life, bad about everything

those things never belonged to me either

i’m pretty fucking awesome kids

i have a good life – borderline great
i have amazing family and friends
people who would do anything for me

i have love – lots of it
and i feel it every single day of my life
even on those days that the world seems a little dark

losses are not mine to own
feelings of not being enough don’t belong here in this house i keep either

i keep my circle small
because i am aware of what and who i deserve

i know my worth

the rest is just noise
the rest is baggage
the rest is unworthy of a moment of your precious time

and once it clicked

i mean really clicked

shit started changing

my mood

my energy

my laughter

i felt lighter
literally and figuratively

​it seemed like as soon as my mind and my body connected this
the weight started coming off overnight!​

stress is a heavy load to carry
and i carried the weight of the world on my shoulders

once i actually realized my worth

what i give to the universe

to those closest to me

the endless supply of my love and affection of those deserving

it seemed my life changed in the blink of an eye

i can’t explain it any more or any less

it just is what it is

change your perception

and see what changes in you

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guilty pleasure

i love to dance

i mean love

but can i dance?

that would be a big fat no. this girl has no rhythm

(although i am queen of chair dancing)

you will never see me dancing in public, unless there is alcohol involved
because then – well – i am a total superstar

the fact that i can’t dance – does not mean i shouldn’t dance

and so i am doing some hip hop – in the comfort of my own home

sure, i may have kicked a dog or two so far

sure, i’ve almost peed my pants laughing at how ridiculous i must look

and yes – i’ve heard laughter coming from the peanut gallery when i am not alone

but

who cares???

it’s FUN!

i have learned that there is no point in doing something you hate

there is nothing worse than trying to talk yourself into a daily work out when you hate it

so why not do something you love?

and i love dancing!

it’s only day 2 and my body hurts from head to toe

so you can’t tell me it’s not doing anything for me

and the upside?

it’s in the comfort of my own home
so i can look the fool all i want

i don’t care

do what you love

love what you do

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game on

it’s official

i just booked my vacation today!!!!

i cannot believe how blessed my life is

i made a promise to myself a few years ago – to simply travel more

go and live and love my life

and now my countdown can officially begin!!!!

my nutrition has been on point
but my working out has been non existent

come monday – that is all going to change

not that there’s anything wrong with my current bikini body
but a little exercise can’t hurt

so often we talk about physical health/transformation

what about mental health?
spiritual health?

a couple of years ago i promised to take care of me
in all aspects

my soul being priority

this vacation has set my soul on fire

i can’t wait!

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hangover

i had an unplanned cheat meal yesterday

i met up with friends for dinner last night
at my favourite little family owned restaurant
known for it’s kick ass amazing pizza

i didn’t go in there thinking i was going to eat pizza

but that’s exactly what i ended up doing

it was a last minute decision – with zero guilt

i have stayed on course – i’ve been doing great
and i know from other times
one cheat meal is not going to derail me

actually – in the past it has actually helped me!

ugh but man oh man
is my body ever punishing me

i have not felt well since last night

i’ve been popping tums like candy
drinking a ton of water
and all i want to do is sleep

sure – daylight savings probably isn’t helping

but i know a carb hangover when i feel it

and this is definitely what’s going on

after detoxing for over 2 months
my body once again reminded me
how much it loathes carbs

(even though my mouth seems to rather enjoy them at the time)

lesson learned

till of course
i find myself in a sushi restaurant
unable to say no

but based on how i have been feeling all day

that ain’t happening any time soon

moral of the story

we all fall down from time to time

the important thing is how quickly you get back up
wipe yourself off
and start again

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game changer

i’ve been craving pancakes

it’s a comfort thing

something you can make on the weekend

butter
maple syrup

do i really need to say more?

i spent alot of time researching on line
for the best low carb maple syrup
and found several

i finally decided on a local company
filled out the information
and the order wouldn’t go through

after several attempts – and it being 1am
i gave up

went to my local grocery store the other day
a place i checked at least a dozen times for low carb maple syrup – and they never carried any

but there it was!!!

gluten/calorie/carb free syrup!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(and yes it actually tastes delicious!)

if i didn’t think i’d hurt myself
i would have done a cart wheel right there!!!

so now – i just needed a good low carb pancake recipe

and dear lord – i found one!

i couldn’t wait for pancake Tuesday
so i made them yesterday

the recipe makes for a small serving
(4 small pancakes)

so not only did i have pancakes for breakfast
but i had them for dinner too!!!

pancakes

i know the picture doesn’t do them justice
since i butchered one of them

but these made my belly very happy!!!

would it be wrong to eat pancakes every day?

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hot mess

i am very accident prone

by “very” i mean insanely. embarassingly accident prone

you know – getting a badly sprained ankle that took over a year to heal (and hasn’t ever been the same)
from just standing

yes – just standing
my ankle turned over and BAM – there i was in my back yard – crawling my body towards the house
hoping none of my neighbours saw me

falling down my stairs for no apparent reason
often
(i think my next house is going to be a bungalo)

and then there was this one time – on my front porch
tripping over my own feet
that resulted in me doing some sort of acrobatic dance moves to keep myself from actually falling

i ended up doing something to my back
where i could barely move – shower – bend over etc

oh and this was right when i had to travel to the states

i was highly medicated for weeks

Prior to that i had injured my back due to improper form while working out – so it’s always been “off”

last week while i was walking UP the stairs at the office
i tripped
but not over a step – noooo. over my own two feet

so of course i tried not to fall – and ended up in some fast forward – full on run
and slammed face first into the wall that was at least 5 feet away
(thank god for the wall lol)

but of course i couldn’t be alone for that moment
a coworker witnessed every fabulous second
and broke down laughing
(i don’t blame him)

an hour later – everything ached
my wrist, my knee, both ankles
i was a hot mess

lathered myself in voltarin when i got home
and of course – couldn’t work out for a few days

by yesterday i was feeling much better
and was going to start a new program today
i was excited to get moving and back on track

till around 3:00 this morning
when i fell out of bed
THUMP
right on the floor

FELL OUT OF BED!!!!!!

i am not so sure that i fell
or was nudged by my little dog

true story

I wish i could say this surprises me
but to be honest
what surprises me is how this hasn’t happened sooner!

so i am tired
grumpy
and sore

voltarin it is
and hopefully i will be able to get back at it in a few days

i’m a hot mess!!

as for my little loving pup?
she’s in bed
sleeping like the angel that she is lol

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reality

i’ve been on track for 4 weeks

four weeks clean eating, and 4 weeks of workouts

can’t tell you if i’ve lost anything as i don’t use a scale
and i never took pictures or measured inches

this is not why i am doing this

well i mean ya – losing weight would be awesome
but it’s lower on the goal list

i feel better

i love when my fit bit goes crazy after i’ve hit a daily goal

i love sweating my stress away
and my clothes feel looser

so i bit the bullet
and got rid of my “small clothes”

for years i have held on to them – thinking that i will get back into them

the reality of it all is…
my body has changed – and i feel like it’s an unrealistic goal

so i got rid of all my size zero pants and xtra small tops
(i can’t believe how tiny i was!!!!)

if by chance i do end up all tiny like that again
at least i have an excuse to go shopping!

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