Tag Archives: turbo jam

one year

On Saturday, while sitting on a bench…taking a breather from shopping…
i became engrossed in people watching – i love it.

a girl walked by me that caught my eye…and so i did a double take.
i looked over at my lovely shopping companion and mentioned to her…that i thought the woman walking by looked just like me – body wise.

she looked at me as if i had 3 heads and said “is that really what you think you look like?”

ummm yeah…that’s what i mean by she looks just like me lol

apparently she didn’t see it.  not even close she said.  she then pointed out random women walking by and pointed out similar features – which i myself did not see.

I think i know what i look like.  i see myself every day right??

it’s all about perception i s’pose.

one day a couple of years ago i actually met my doppelganger – standing in line waiting for my shawarma.
it was crazy to look at a person and see yourself staring back.  but that’s another blog for another day…and more for the blog next door.

so it got me to thinking – but of course 🙂

last year this time, i was bikini shopping for my amazing vacation.
(has it been a year already???)

i was stressed and nervous, but i also felt pretty good about myself.  it had been 3 months of clean eating and i had just incorporated turbo jam in to my routine.
the pounds were flying off…and so of course i was feeling good.

i felt damn good.  so good in fact, the bikini rarely stayed on…as we preferred to swim nekkid any chance we got!!!!
who knew?

it wasn’t a cockiness…far from it actually.  i think it was the first time in a long time i felt comfortable in my own skin and i didn’t give a crap what anyone thought about me…nekkid. lol

i look back at those pictures now – a year later…and i wonder – girl what were you thinking??
i mean good on me for feeling confidant and trying to rock the bikini…
but really…
what i saw last year i don’t see now.

a year has passed…and it’s amazing how much can change in one year.
i could probably write a novel about all the significant, life altering changes i’ve experienced in the past year.
i am not the same girl i was last year, and i don’t intend to be the same girl next year.
life is all about changing – and for once i am completely open to that.

so what’s changed on the health/diet/weight loss front since last year?

well…i’ve continued eating healthy (more often than not)
i work out at the gym at least 3 times a week
i’ve lost at least 10-15 pounds since then.

and when i put two pictures side by side…i can visually see the changes.

the pic on the left is last year (no i’m not nekkid lol), the pic on the right is just from a couple of weeks ago.

i see the changes in my body from last year to this year…
i see where i’ve lost the most weight (boobs and belly)
i can see that i’m more toned
i can see the weight loss still didn’t take away my dimples 🙂

so why does the mere thought of sporting a bikini make me want to hurl?
maybe cause what i see, i don’t really feel?

in my mind i don’t think i am anywhere near where i want to be in order to rock a bikini
i can’t even fathom putting one on and feeling comfortable.

so what changed since last year?  last year i was confidant enough to rock it…
why not now?

like i said…i can see the differences when you place the pictures side by side…but i just can’t mentally wrap my head around it i don’t think.
i think that when i look in the mirror – i still see bee from 2009.

and not to worry…summer is here kids…and i will be rockin’ a bikini whether i want to or not.  my attitude hasn’t changed.  i still don’t care what anyone thinks of me 🙂

one year – a lot of things change…some things just stay the same.

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oops i did it again

it must be a sign

lately when i wake up at some god awful hour…the same thing is on tv
even though it’s rare that i fall asleep to the same channel every night.

yes, it’s an infomercial.
yes, i stay awake to watch it.
yes, i have to talk myself out of calling right then at 4am to order it
yes, i am probably as hooked as i was with Turbo Jam
yes, i feel a void without my dill pickle chips and wine.

the infomercial i speak of is….

have you seen this little invention?
it’s the lazy persons way to kick ass abs.
i mean you sit in a chair for god’s sake.

i read some reviews…and they are really mixed
some say it’s awesome…some say it sucks…
but what would i say???

god i want this little chair.

i am open to receiving early Christmas gifts

have any of you used it/heard of it/desire it like i do???

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smell ya later

spring has most definitely sprung in Toronto…
i have the sun burn to prove it 🙂
my face has been kissed by the sun and it makes me feel so alive!
my freckles are coming out, my desire to be outdoors longer has reawakened…
the days are getting significantly longer, and the birds are waking me up at 4am.
(at first i thought this was cute, now i wish they could wait till at least 6am)
summer is right around the corner and this makes for a very happy bee
i don’t even go near my computer till late in the evening!!

with the warmer weather…comes the stinky people.
really, there was no way to sugar coat that statement.

the gym has been a bit of a struggle for me over the past couple of weeks.
not in the sense that it has been difficult for me to get motivated enough to work out..
thankfully i still want to go.

face it…when you are working out…you sweat.
i get it.
in the winter months that was fine…but now that it’s warmer outside…it’s warmer inside.
my gym has yet to turn on the A/C
i personally think it should be on all year round in a gym – but hey that’s just my opinion.

walking in to the gym…you instantly feel this mugginess.
the only fans there are ceiling fans at the very back of the gym – the part of the gym i don’t use.
it feels like there is no air circulating…at all.
literally after 5 minutes of weights…i am already hot….never mind getting my butt on the elliptical.
doing my 30 minutes on the elliptical is a little harder these days.  i guess more sweat is a good thing…but it is a bit of a struggle.

the machines are lined up against a wall next to eachother,  so you are always working out beside someone.
no biggie.

you are all aware of my food issues…but i am not sure if i have ever discussed my “smell” issues. lol
i have a thing about taking in someone elses…scent.
i can deal with perfume and all things pretty (to a degree)…but when it comes to bodily functions, i swear…i want to hurl.
i do not deal well.
i think it came from years of relying on public transit that turned me a little OCD in the personal hygiene department.

so, i am kicking ass on the elliptical…running my little booty off…and i’d say about 10 minutes into it…i am struck with a wall of stank.
it could be comparable to walking into a room full of prepubescent boys…and their dirty hockey equipment.
no offense to the boys who may read this…it’s just boys have this unique smell when they are sweaty….i grew up with 2 brothers…i am very well aware of this smell.

so on the elliptical i am surrounded by sweaty people…who are getting sweatier as the seconds tick by.
there have been times i thought i wouldn’t make it…that i couldn’t even do a full 30 minutes on the elliptical because the smell of other people was making me nauseous.
seriously.  a little deodorant goes a long way people.

(don’t even get me started on the sounds some of these people make.  it’s enough to make a hooker blush!
meh, that’s another post for another day.)

so as soon as my 30 minutes are up…i race into the change room and wash my hands…because…alot of people don’t wipe down the equipment after they have used it…so my sweaty hands have mingled with someone elses sweaty hands – and that thought alone makes me queasy. (that is another huge pet peeve of mine  – wipe down your sweat when you are done people!!)
i grab my stuff and race right outta the gym, sanitizing my hands as i zoom home… and throw myself in the shower.

thank god i live so close to the gym and don’t have to use the showers there…that’s a whole other OCD moment i won’t bore you with. lol

i am hoping the A/C kicks in soon…otherwise i am going to have to find more creative ways to get my cardio on…cause i am not sure how much more stink i can tolerate.
i might have to dust off my Turbo Jam and give it a go.

as you were 🙂

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conversations with myself

an important public service announcement from my brain.
(and a warning that the boys might not want to read this lol)

when you are feeling like a cow…
like you just gained 20 pounds over night…
when you are bloated and cranky and sore and feel like every mirror you look in belongs in the circus…
when you are aware that at least one day a month you feel like this…
where the first day of that time of the month turns you into someone you don’t recognize

please…please don’t wear something form fitting when you go to the gym.
for the love of god woman!
it’s like you have a death wish or something!
you know the tragedy that ensues.  believing every single person is looking at you and laughing…’cause how can something so hideous show it’s face in public???

considering all the walls are covered in mirrors…how on Earth did you ever expect to feel super sexy hot?

it’s the gym honey.  you are not supposed to look hot.  it’s your hormones playing tricks with your mind…although…yeah you are a little bloated 🙂
(but still super sexy)

chill out.  this happens every.single.month.
i am left here talking you off a ledge…and it’s starting to get old.
oy vay.

and no dear bee…mother nature is not a man – although i can see why you may think that.

so are we good?  you ok now?

~ until next month

your brain

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365 days – a year revisited

the number to the left is significant to me for several reasons.
one – it is my favourite number.  two – it is the day that i was born, and the third,
this is the amount of weight in pounds i have lost in the past 365 days.
18 pounds might not sound like anything much, but for me…it’s a lot.
and really this is about the journey.  what brought me right here.

the actual anniversary of my biggest life change is tomorrow.
but since i started this on a Monday…i thought it appropriate to reminisce today.

last year at this time…i made a life altering decision.  sure, initially i was forced into it…but it was the best push of my life.

last year at this time…i was tired.  I was so tired with the direction my life took, the decisions i was making, the people that i kept in my circle. tired of being sick.
i had had enough of everything that was negative and toxic in my life.  everything.
i was tired of crying all the time…feeling poorly about myself.  honestly…i felt so damn worthless.
all that toxicity was making me sad, depressed and very unhealthy.
i used food to make me feel better…and all it did was make me feel worse.

last year this time i remember sitting here…exactly where i sit now
a shell.
a total mess if i must be honest with you.
i hated the person i greeted in the mirror every single day.  and no it wasn’t just about the weight…it was about me.
everything i had become.
a person i didn’t like at all.

and there in that very moment began the letting go.
i did some major house cleaning.  i knew that i was better than the person i was representing.
better than everything i allowed in my life.
and so the letting go began.  in every single aspect of my life.
the fridge was immediately cleaned out.  anything and everything toxic was thrown away. all the toxic food was replaced with healthy, whole foods.
friendships were terminated…immediately.  although some had been over for some time…they took up residence in my head…and so phone numbers, old emails…all contact information to old toxic ghosts were also deleted.
i am not kidding when i say that within moments…i felt a shift within myself.

i was like a woman on fire.  i took everything so seriously.
my health was my top priority.

when i started to notice slight physical differences…i also noticed a shift in my mental health.
i was happier, i smiled more, had more energy, i started to love my life again, and in turn loved the people who were in it like they deserved to be loved.
everything seemed to go hand in hand.

when i finally introduced working out into my life…that is when the major differences started to show.
the shape of my body changed…my energy level was out of control…
and the rush i get from a good work out is still indescribable.

it was like i found a top secret happy combination…and there was no way i was letting it go.

not that it was always easy…because it wasn’t.  there were times i wasn’t happy with my results…how slow the changes seemed to be coming. i just wanted to give up.  i cannot tell you how vital my friendships, both in real life and in the blogging world were and still are to my successes.
each and everyone of you know who you are…and i thank you from the bottom of my itty bitty heart.

i don’t know how many inches I’ve lost…
but i am not afraid to tell you what size i used to be and the size i am now.

i went from a muffin top size 4  (really a size six) pants…and i am now a curvy size zero.
i went from a medium blouse to an extra small blouse.

my work out pants are an extra small.

i am 3 pounds away from my goal weight!!

i have attached a picture of my transformation…just to show people…before they feel the need to attack my size…that i am a healthy girl.
that sometimes when you are small boned…just tiny in stature…that a size zero is normal.
so please…i ask for no negative comments.  not today.
today is my day.

the first picture was taken 3 months in to my new lifestyle, when i took my solo trip to another country.  at this point i had already started working out and lost a bulk of my weight.  knowing that…i kinda cringe when i look at that picture.  i thought i was looking pretty damn good at that point…lol
my father god bless him –  loves this picture.  he likes me with a little chunk.
anyways…the only other before pic i really have was taken in my bra and underwear…and i would never have the guts to post that publicly anywhere..so the first picture will have to do.
so..take a look.  i think at least 15 of the pounds i lost were all boobie! lol

Since you have all been faithfully by my side through my journey this far…i want to share my results with you.
thank you for walking with me…i am so blessed to have met so many wonderful people through this blog.

As i type this blog out, the song “About Love” by Alicia Keys keeps playing in my head.


Happy Anniversary to me 🙂

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the gym – so NOT cool

last nights gym experience was disappointing.
actually i don’t think the word disappointing covers what i am feeling.
it really sucked.
any motivation, drive, ambition, excitement i had was sucked right outta me by the end of my first visit.
i went home last night completely deflated.
it wasn’t all a complete failure.
i really liked the personal trainer that was assigned to me.
a beautiful little irish lady…she was so freakin’ cute i wanted to punch her in the face!!  so nice and she actually got my sense of humour and threw the digs right back at me.
i mean what personal trainer would explain to you the art of engaging you core is like squeezing your stomach when you feel like you gotta take a crap?  she spoke my language lol
it was confirmed rather quickly that i am injuring my own back.  you know how i’ve been complaining non stop about my sore back?
i am not working out properly.
so basically all this kick ass work i’ve been doing at home – i’ve been doing wrong.  i was initially disappointed…but on reflection…it still worked to a degree…cause i have muscles i never knew existed…and i have lost weight.
i am also disappointed by my stamina.  i am not as fit as i believed to be. this morning i woke up with a new mind set…i am not as disappointed because i will be going to the gym to build up my stamina.
So the training was good.  we were told that we would learn how to use the equipment…but that was a lie.  a big fat lie.
but i will get to that.
So we finished with the training…and let me just add that my friend and i went together.  usually one person gets an hour to themselves but because we went together we got an hour and a half.  whatever.  but i will come back to that too
then we are told we are off to talk to this guy M.  I asked why…and she said it’s just what you do after the fit test…go over your results.
We went in the room and the guy turned me off pretty much right away.  he spoke about us like we weren’t even in the room.
referring to us as “she, her, they”…but never talked TO us.
well…not until money became the topic of conversation.
In a nut shell…cause god knows i could go on about this forever…
he literally told us we would not be successful without being trained.
he also said we would not lose weight or tone without a personal trainer.
he also told us that we had a full hour on the floor with the trainer and we were lucky to have that…when our personal trainer told us just not even 15 min before that she was sorry she couldn’t give us the time she gives most people because there were 2 of us.
He also told us that he counts on people joining and not showing up…or people not using a personal trainer cause it puts money into the gym and people still stay overweight.
who says that?????
I would love nothing more than to have a personal trainer.  obviously who wouldn’t???
Apparently even to learn how to use the machines you need a personal trainer.  whatever.
I cannot afford over 100 bucks a month to get ONE training session every two weeks. 
he gave us guilt and grief about being committed to our health…which at that point i had just about enough.
i told him by me sitting in this chair in front of him spoke volumes about my commitment…that i made the huge step of joining a gym for a year because i was committed to my health.
he pissed me right off.
i walked out of that gym with that voice in my head telling me… wow – wasted money…because i am too intimidated to ever go back.  a whole year of payments for nothing.
then i thought of my daddy.  5 years ago i was in an accident on the 401 going to my home town for my brothers engagement party.  i spun outta control and hit the concrete barrier.  Some dood cut me off twice.  So i was about 20 min away from my parents place. I called my dad to tell him what happened.  my dad asked if i was ok, then he asked if the car was driveable…and then he told me to get in and drive.
best advice he ever gave me.
Had i waited for him to rescue me…i honestly believe that today i would have a fear of driving.
but because i got back in right away…i faced my fears head on
thank you daddy 🙂
So i am going back to the gym.  I am going to work out.  I don’t see how i won’t be able to tone my body or sculpt my muscles…when they actually have classes for that…that are part of my membership AND have instructors that will correct you when you are doing something wrong.
I almost gave up…and i still feel really uncomfortable walking back in there.
but my attitude?  i don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone says.
oh…and the woman who trained us?  she pulled us aside after and said any help we need she will give us.  just to look for her on the floor and she will do whatever she can to see us succeed.
and you know what?  that comment in itself makes me want to give her money to train me…
cause she cares.
ugh..have i gone off?  have you stayed with me or have you fallen asleep? lol
back to the gym tomorrow and then off to enroll in some classes.
i am not a failure.  i never have been and never will be.
so a big fat screw you M.
nobody is going to run me out of that gym.
phewww, i feel worlds better now thank you!

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gone and done it

it’s true.
i am now officially a member of the gym!
my friend and i went in to meet with the owner of the gym on Sunday.
we got the full tour and i must say i was impressed.
let me remind you that i was a member of this gym for TWO years.
In that 2 years i did not step foot in there once.  not once.
they were in the process of building the gym, and i bought my membership before it opened…with good intentions.
i did not go once.
ugh, what a waste of money!
So…i am gonna do it kids!!
the best part of this is the classes they offer – and they are included in the membership.
they have yoga, zumba, pilates, body training, spinning…and so much more.
they even have hot yoga!  (only the first class is free…after that it’s 10 dollars every 2 weeks if you want to do it)
So Thursday we have a one hour consultation with a personal trainer and then a one hour consult with a nutritionist
i could not be more excited!!!
what a change in mind set!  wasn’t it just a couple of months ago i wrote all about not ever joining a gym?
i think i have finally realized my limitations working out at home.  Not that i don’t love Turbo Jam…because i do.
it’s done wonders for me…my body…my health…and of course has contributed to my weight loss – big time.  i think more so than my diet.
but i am at a point where i need to take things up a notch.  i need to incorporate weights, do different work outs…
get ripped!!
my goal is to rock a bikini this summer.  and i mean rock it – i so did not rock the bikini on my vacation looking back lol
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic on the Greek islands completely naked.
so when the personal trainer asks me what my goals are…that’s what i will tell her
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic naked 🙂
it’s different this time.  i think i know better the value of my money.
I am not going to waste my money, but take full advantage of it.
(by the way it’s cheaper this time around then it was when i was a member years ago)
so i have goals…and the gym will help me be successful.
i am so excited i could pee!!!
and now the fun part
i am going shopping.
getting my work out outfits
as i’ve said before i work out in my skivvies at home…i am sure people at the gym wouldn’t appreciate that
or would they?
no lululemon for me…yet. 
i mean i love their stuff…but it’s way over priced…and i hate hate hate that people buy those clothes for the look…and not for the work out
these clothes are designed for you to work out in
not to prance around the city thinking you look fine
wow – i went off on a rant didn’t i lol
so yeah, clothes shopping tonight.
i am sooooo excited!!!

wordpress counterAnd on to some completely unrelated news – cause i gotta be me…
I finally got the new Adele cd…
I put it on while driving to work…and ended up sitting in the parking lot at work unable to get out of my car, because my ears could not get enough of this album. 15 minutes later and i forced myself to turn it off.
get thee to a store and buy it NOW. (sorry didn’t mean to be so demanding)

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yesterday was just one of those days.

the kind where you have a perma grin on your face, no matter how many complicated things are thrown your way.
a complete 180 from the day before.

i could probably make a million posts out of the past 24 hours…but i shall only post one here.

i received two compliments that stuck with me yesterday.
no, nothing about my physical transformation, or my willpower, or anything related to health and weight loss per say.
i will tell you about one…you will just have to come to your own conclusion about the other 🙂

have you ever had one of those moments, where you notice something someone did, thought it was great… and debated whether or not to tell them how it made you feel?

well next time it happens…please make sure you do.

a friend of mine told me that she reads my blog…and i really had no idea that she did.
she told me i was an amazing writer, and continued complimenting my writing.  she told me i was witty, funny and touched her heart.
she told me i should do something with it.
i think i felt my heart skip a beat.


people have told me i have a talent.  these are people that love me, who are part of my daily life.  aren’t they a little obligated to tell me so? lol
this person, just came right out and threw me for a loop.
she made my day…
and if she is reading…i thank you.

i woke up feeling great yesterday.  that’s right…not one slight pain in my back. (knock on wood)
of course sitting in a chair for 8 hours was a little uncomfortable…but it’s always that way…bad back or not.

so i came home and i had a great work out.  no, a kick ass work out.
i was so in to it and nothing was stopping me.
and for the first time in what seems like forever…i loved it.  i think i was actually smiling while i was working out.
when your body has no limitations…it’s amazing how hard it can work…and how awesome you can feel.
it was just absolutely amazing…and i realized once again how much i love my work outs.

i also realized how cranky my back was making me.
yesterday…no pain…no cranky pants

today i am a little sore – but ask me if i care!!

the bee is back kids and she is unstoppable!

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take it easy

i worked out last night
(insert big round of applause here please)
after sitting on a dining room chair for most of the day working
i was amazed i could even stand erect.
i cannot believe how uncomfortable those chairs are!!!
i apologize to my friends who come over…i can’t believe i make you sit on them.
next time it’s dinner on the couch.
anyways…i have rambled.
so yes, i worked out last night.  i was very tempted to just not do it…but my body was actually craving it – imagine that.
so i took it slow.  yesterday was not about kicking ass…it was about just moving…burning calories, getting my heart rate up and breaking a sweat.
half way through my back pain was almost non existent.  it actually feels good when i am working out.
what happens afterwards we won’t even talk about – as i am sure you are sick of hearing about it.
tonight should be my ab work out…but i don’t know how possible that will be.
see…the puppy thinks it’s play time.  something about me lying on my back is an invitation for her to jump all over me and kiss and play.  for some odd reason while on the mat she thinks my ear is a chew toy.  nothing like razor sharp puppy teeth trying to Van Gogh me.
also, my pony tail must look like a tug of war toy because last time….this 10 pound dog (if that) was able to grab hold of my pony tail and physically move me!!
seriously…you can’t get mad.  how can you get mad at a little munchkin who loves you so much they just wanna play?
working out for 20 min…or being loved up by a puppy?
the decision doesn’t seem so difficult.
although..it is making me consider a gym membership lol
so we shall see how it goes.  wish me luck!

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hot mess

if you’ve come here for a good time…i say run…run while you can.
i assure you there are no rainbows beaming out of my arse today.
i am one hot mess.
a hot hormonal broken back mess
i wasn’t going to write…but i always write…right?
did you know that today is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year??
i was perfectly fine until i got into my car and ended up on the highway in complete white out conditions.
i was in a snow storm from hell..and the radio stations were dismissing it as “some snow falling”
some snow falling my ASS.  it was crazy insane…i almost got into an accident…
and by the time i got into work (just after 8am) i wanted a glass of wine…or 12
then i went on line and saw something that made me cry…so of course i blogged all about that next door.
a hot mess i tell you.
i have been pretty short as of late.  this screwed up back thing is really driving me mental.
i went to bed on Friday in tears – tears i tell you.  i was in so much pain.  popped an advil and was able to sleep.
i woke up in the morning and stretched out and my back didn’t go into spasm.  i felt like myself!!!!
until i sat up that is.
seems like an old back injury decided to flare up when i wasn’t looking.
what the hell?????
my lower back was awesome..and now my left shoulder was in pain.
ugh.  just ugh.
i managed to work out 3 times last week.  it didn’t do wonders for my back..but it made my head feel better.
but it’s obvious i am not ready to throw myself back in hard core.
so what to do??
i am going to go home and feel sorry for myself for a bit.
take a nap.
get lots of puppy kisses….
and get over it.
if the back isn’t better by the end of the week…i will go to the doctor.
ok, show of hands…who have i inspired today?

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