Tag Archives: tired

i’ve fallen and i can’t get up

well i went and got my head read last night

my awesome fantabulous friend took me 🙂

the whole experience was quick and somewhat painless…and not exactly what i expected…

i popped one of my pills and i was ready to go.
i didn’t feel any different, i didn’t think i was relaxed or calm…
i felt really nervous about laying on that thing and getting  pushed into a small rabbit hole!!!

my friend suggested meditating with my eyes closed…i thought it was a great idea
until all those people they hired to annoy me started banging on the machine

ok – so it wasn’t people – it was the actual machine.  it was the loudest thing i have ever experienced!
they had given me head phones but the noise was so loud that i couldn’t even hear the music!!
i actually had a headache when it was all over.

but it was over and that’s all that mattered.

it took me about half an hour to get all my jewelery back in – i have a lot of piercings apparently..
anyways…

i thought i deserved a glass of wine for everything i had gone through

it went down good.  it was delicious

and it totally knocked me on my ass.
i mean down for the count.

i am aware you are not supposed to mix any prescription meds with booze
i get it
but i didn’t even think the pills did anything in the first place!!!!

i was sadly mistaken. so so mistaken lol

i could not get outta bed this morning.

all day i’ve been walking around in a haze, just wanting to sleep.
and that’s not cool when my work life is super crazy busy.

it is so going to be an early night.

no – there was no gym tonight.  i couldn’t imagine surviving in the state i am in.
i am just a puddle of yuck.

i was gonna cook – but LB saved me from it all and brought dinner from my favourite place!!

on my agenda tonight?   chill – walk the pup and then straight to bed.

hopefully i will be back to fabulous, incredible bee in the morning 🙂

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insomnia can kiss my butt

i’ve been keeping the night company lately.
me and the night – sounds romantic ehh?
not.

insomnia sucks ass.

i’ve struggled with insomnia my whole life…you would think i would get used to it…
but i don’t.
i go through my stages.  i can sleep like a baby…for days on end, sleep peacefully and deeply…
but these past few weeks are putting me on edge…especially these past few days.

i am averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night, which isn’t too bad.  but it’s broken sleep.  last night alone i was up 4 separate times.
i’ve tried to make myself stay in bed..not get up and do things…but the longer i toss and turn, the more frustrated i get.
i don’t get up and turn the computer on..that would just wake me right up.  Sometimes i will turn the tv on and the background noise will lull me back to sleep…or sometimes my eyes fight to keep watching.
and the more i try to fall asleep – the more awake i become!!!!
it seems the deepest, most peaceful sleep i get is right before my alarm clock goes off.  go figure.

this makes for a very unhappy, emotional bee.

it’s hard to get through a day and feel productive.  i could drink a gallon of coffee and still not wake up.
no amount of Preparation H could take away the luggage under my eyes. (not that i’ve tried lol)
i drag my butt around the whole day..counting the minutes until i can actually sit down and have some me time
that doesn’t come until at least 9.

i go to the gym – even if i feel i can’t move…and that makes me feel better – and half alive
but then it’s all the stuff at home that needs to be done and a puppy that needs to be entertained…
i swear last night i almost cried i was so exhausted.

then the time comes where i can go to bed and crash…and i lie there in the night…my mind going at a mad speed
and my eyes wide open.
my body is exhausted and yet the rest of me thinks it’s party time.

i am not one for pills – so i really don’t want to take any.  besides when i had taken them in the past, i would wake up in the morning feeling foggy and worse than i do on no sleep.
i don’t drink milk – i heard that helps…
counting sheep only drives me mental…because if i start drifting off…something snaps me wide awake and i gotta keep counting
like counting is more important than sleeping.
damn sheep!

so other than drinking a whole bottle of wine, i really don’t know what to do.

anyone have some insomnia remedies that i possibly haven’t heard of?  can anyone out there help me?
please!!!!!

if you are dragging your butt today…this song will sure get you moving…

clickety click here  (i should warn you that there is a little swearing, but it’s Sara Bareilles…how can you not watch!)



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interesting

i cannot remember the last time i had a day “off”

meaning i always have something to do.  the gym takes up most of my week days…and the days i don’t do the gym…i catch up on my womanly duties lol

really it’s been months since i have had one day or night responsibility free (the puppy walking doesn’t count – besides she’s cute)

So i have been sitting here debating in my head whether or not i should just skip the gym tonight.

just take a me night.

go home, walk the puppy, take a nap…order thai and spoil myself.

so as soon as i decided there was no need to rush and get home and get to the gym…

i got really really tired
and i am nursing a little headache…
my eyes are barely open.

It seems as soon as i gave my body permission to chill right out – it listened…and it is.

I just find it so interesting!!

I have a crazy busy weekend…birthday party, water fun…trying on dresses 🙂

weeeeeeeeeee!!!!!  fun fun weekend!!!  enjoy!

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amazing restraint

usually grocery shopping is an enjoyable experience for me.
i love buying ingredients and coming up with an amazing end result.

yesterday was not one of those days.

i was determined to roast a chicken.  i had a recipe i just had to try.
the cooking time wasn’t that long…

so i picked up all the veggies and spices i required for this recipe…
getting more excited by the minute.
that alone took me a good half hour.

the last thing i needed was the chicken…so off to the poultry section i went.
the recipe calls for a 3 pound chicken.
all the chickens there were about 6- 7 pounds.
not a big deal right?  just double the ingredients and cooking time.
well…i don’t know about you, but i do not have 3.5 hours to waste on cooking during a weekday.
hell i barely have that time on a weekend!

so i had to go put back every single ingredient and spice i had picked up and start fresh.
what the hell was i gonna make now?  i had no back up plan.
i debated buying a big ass tub of ben and jerrys… but didn’t

i figured it out quickly and ran around the grocery store and grabbed everything i needed.
as i was running through the aisles like a mad woman i noticed coke zero on sale…but you had to buy 2 cases.
i’m just little so i knew i would struggle carrying all that but helllloooo…it was a sale, and i am a coke zero addict.
i ran up to pay….and put all my items on the belt…and noticed that i accidentally picked up chicken noodle soup instead of cream of chicken.
all the items went back in my basket, one case of pop under one arm, the other in my hand…and an over flowing basket in the other.
i ran back and i got the right soup…and went running to the check out…
and as i was running oh so gracefully…the case of coke zero ripped open.  it was like a slow motion movie.
my legs did some funky move…as my knee came up to try and stop the cans from falling out…
i saved the day…however i am pretty sure i pulled a muscle or 12…and entertained my fellow shoppers.

drama over, i went home.  i cracked open a beer (leftover from Friday) and calmed down for a moment.
i didn’t want to cook my dinner with hate and resentment ya know.

dinner turned out to be crazy yummy…so in the end…it was all worth it.

i rushed and got dressed and headed to the mall.  i had to return a phone i purchased on Saturday…cause i didn’t like it.  it wasn’t working for me.  the guy said i had 14 days to exchange it…so off i went.

did i mention i am pms’d?
i think that would be important to know…so you can grasp my mood.

i gave the phone to the sales guy, explained my issue – no problem – all was well – he went off to get the phone i wanted.
then he asked if i used over 30 min on the phone.  i said i have no idea
then he gets on the phone to call my cellular provider to find out how many minutes i used…which i thought was weird.
anyways..dood comes back and says “here’s the problem”
because i signed up between billing periods, he won’t be able to tell me how many minutes i used for at least 3 days.  so he cannot give me a different phone AND i can’t use my phone for 3 days, until i find out how many minutes i’ve used.

i guess what they failed to mention to me when i purchased the phone was if you go over 30 minutes you are no longer entitled to an exchange.
i later learned it was only because the company that sold me the phone would have to incur the charge.

not my problem.

i returned my phone within my 14 day time frame…and would like another phone please and thanks.
he said no.

umm…i don’t think so.

so i got on the phone with my cellular provider…ya know…cause i have that sort of time and the need to be that irritated.
i did mention i was pms’d right?

i got transferred 3 times.  3rd times a charm.  this gentleman totally fought for my right to paartayyy…i mean he told me that this company was LYING and they could not deny me a new phone.

2 hours later…i got the phone i wanted.  it wasn’t the sales dood’s fault..but he wasn’t being helpful.
i did my best to seem pleasant and lovely…all the while seething and giving off way more attitude than i intended.
he gave me my phone…i retracted my cat claws and off i went.

did i mention this store was right across from Laura Secord…and a few stores down from Cinnabons???
did i mention i am pms’d?

i escaped the mall and went home to pick up the pup and take her to the park.
she needed to burn off energy and i needed puppy love.

she was having a ball…and i was being eaten alive by mosquitoes.
damn ankle biters
when i started smacking my head and doing my mosquito dance…i knew it was time to go home.  i didn’t want to embarrass the pup in front of her friends you know.
i felt creepy crawlers all over my skin for the whole drive home.
brrrrrrrr.

did i mention i pass a Dairy Queen on my way home?
Did i mention i stopped at McDonald’s and only got an iced coffee?
no cone, no apple pie…no McFlurry?
just an iced coffee.

do you know how hard that is for a pissed off hormonal woman??????

by the time i got home and settled it was almost 10
stayed up a while to unwind and took the puppy for a late night pee
and then collapsed.

my alarm didn’t go off this morning – or i slept right through it..or i beat the crap out of it in my sleep

so i was late
if someone offers me a chocolate bar…i may just eat it.

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white flag

i know that i am pretty similar to wonder woman
actually…the similarities are endless really 🙂
but mamma, i am tired.

i realized that i was just worn out when i nearly dropped dead on Friday
i just think my body was telling me to chill right out.
and so….i shall try.

there’s just so much that needs to be done in a day
i simply don’t have the hours.  add another 3-4 hours and maybe, just maybe…we’ll be all good.

so i am trying to simplify.

i have come here for help kids.

being creative with dinner on a daily basis is just not gonna happen.
my life is much easier…less stressful when i can cook a meal that can last me 2-3 days.
that takes the pressure out of finding time to cook and eat
and will also help me to not have the desire to stray from my low carb
by the time i get home, do what needs to be done…and even think about dinner…i am famished!
all of a sudden anything carby and sinful sounds like a perfect idea.
i really don’t want to cave in to the demons in my belly.

i have a few meals that i make on a regular basis, but i don’t want to grow tired of them.
i need to switch things up.

and so i come here waving my little white flag…
admitting i just don’t know what to do anymore.
i’ve come here asking…more like…begging for my fellow low carb friends for some recipes
something i can make that will last me a couple of dinners
and isn’t all that time consuming to make.

am i asking for too much?
some simplicity in my life somewhere???
i thought i’d start with the meals and go from there.

if i don’t catch a breath sooner or later…i may just cry.
and you really don’t want to see me cry…do you?

help!!
any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
bring it!

i also just wanted to take a second…and tell the blogging world…
that i really miss my puppy.  i miss him every day…but today i miss him a ton.
6 years ago today i put my little man down.
the picture isn’t the best, but hey…when you look good…you look good.  there’s no hiding that.
i love you my little squish man.

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unwell

i could barely hold my head up yesterday
i debated leaving work…but i stuck it out
on the drive home, i kept the window down (thank god it was nice out)
thinking, i could fall asleep at any given moment.
i guess i don’t have to tell you…the gym did not happen yesterday.

i got home and walked the puppy…and talked her in to napping with me
she cuddled into me and we were both out like a light

i was running a fever and really thought i had the dreaded carb flu..from all the ‘bad” food i had the night before

i slept about 12 hours!  i never sleep 12 hours

it was so beautiful out today…i forced myself outdoors
thought the air and the sun would do me some good

after all it was just the carb flu.

oh and the puppy…thanks to one of my cats, who shall remain nameless – Clark
ate my eyeliner while i was away at work
which resulted in my little puppy vomiting a few times in the middle of the night

anyways i took her to the park today and we both got some exercise
but we both weren’t really at our best…or in the mood.

ok..so maybe it’s not the carb flu at all.

i’ve been surrounded by sick people…i’ve been sneezing and coughing
blahhhh
and i just got up from a nap – sorta.
the puppy didn’t think it was necessary and kept giving me kisses and wanted to play
if she wasn’t so damn cute i’d be mad…
but i am just too tired to be mad

so i guess i gotta admit
i have a cold…and it’s running me down…and i’m as white as a ghost
i feel like i could sleep my life away right now.

why do i get sick on weekends?
whatever happened to missing time off of work to deal with it all?

poor me right?

yes, a little cheese with my whine would be lovely.

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now that’s dedication

i got home after work yesterday and wanted to just lie down for “a minute”

a minute turned into well over a half hour, and when i woke up i realized i had kept my gym buddy waiting for me for a good 10 min.

what happened!!

i’ll tell you what happened.
these pills are kicking….my…..ass

i cannot remember a time in the past year that i have napped right when i got home, unless i was really sick…
but i just couldn’t keep my eyes open.

i jumped out of bed and got dressed…i didn’t even check to see if my clothes even matched.  i ran down to meet my friend and off we went to the gym.

it was probably the worst gym experience to date.

i was light headed…nauseous and oh so very tired.  my head felt like a bowling ball.
i felt like i was still sleeping.
you know that feeling where you are woken up suddenly from a deep deep sleep?  that’s exactly how i felt.

i did double the weights like i had planned on doing (i have no idea how) and after 20 minutes of cardio i waved my little white flag.
i just couldn’t do another second!

I actually worked out.  i have no idea how…but i did it.

i probably shouldn’t have gone to the gym.  i was a hazard to myself i think!!
no worries, i am still wonder woman…i should get points just for getting my shoes on. lol

anyways…yes.
i cannot wait for this tension crap in my head to go away…these pills are killing me.
AND he wants me to take 3 a day.  i can’t even function on one a day (apparently)
nooooo way.

on to better, happier things.

i am in love.

someone amazingly fantabulous (i can make up words if i want…it’s my blog lol) introduced me to this artist – you know who you are 🙂

i am hooked…and in love.

i apologize to jm – i know how hard it is for you to watch these 🙂

anyways click here to fall in love.

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burn out

it’s wednesday and i think i am just now really feeling the effects of all the crap my body has been fed for well over 2 weeks.
 
i am on my third day back of clean eating, and honestly…it feels so good.  i am not craving anything “bad” nor do i feel deprived.
 
sometimes after straying from my low carb lifestyle, it’s very difficult to get back in the swing of things.  not this time.  this time i craved the food i put on hold.
 
i went down for breakfast this morning…everyone was ordering toast and bagels with cream cheese etc..and my eyes went directly to the mixed vegetables and i think i may have drooled a bit.
 
it was a mix of red peppers, mushrooms, onions, zucchini.
i love me some fresh veggies.  so they made me a one egg omelette and i was a very happy girl.
 
i just gotta get through this week i think.  i am feeling delirious…a little crazy.
 
right now i am famished.  it’s like there is not enough food in the world to sustain me.  i am tired, exhausted really.
i think i am officially going through burn out from my busy couple of weeks and from detoxing my poor body.  i am a crazy monkey!!!!
 
one weekend was not enough down time.
 
i shake my fist at you Texas..with all your good eatin’ and no sense of portion control…and your amazing southern hospitality. lol.
 
not to worry.  i am going to take this sad, starving, tired body to the gym tonight and kick some serious ass.
 
 
i’ll be “me” again before you know it.

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no worries

i’m still alive 🙂

i am finally in my jammies after two extremely long, hectic, crazy days.

i am barely alert…so i dunno what you should expect from me.

two days of not being “here”… i thank those that sent me messages.  all is well…i have just been insanely busy.

being out of my element proved to be a struggle and extremely joyful.

socially i couldn’t have asked for better people to spend my time with….
but i was on someone elses clock, and had to fly by the seat of my pants…

which meant food was a huge issue.
huge.

food was made, and as a guest…it would have been rude to make a special request
and so i sucked it up and tried to be as “good” as i could be.
it was slim pickins.

so there was the food, that i really shouldn’t be eating….coupled with the fact that there was no gym
well…the guilt was pretty huge.

sigh.

i mean i wasn’t stagnant by any means…but i was so completely off my own routine, my own kitchen, my own element
it was a marriage of so many different emotions….i just didn’t know how to deal with it all.

life happens….and it was great these past two days.
my cheeks still hurt from laughing…and my feet so sore from all the walking.

and so now…i guess i just suck it up…and accept it for what it is.
it’s just the way life goes sometimes.

i’ll get over it…and this glass of wine is sure helping.

i am off to get a well deserved good nights sleep…because the next two weeks will be equally insane, if not worse.
oy vay.

and how have all of you lovelies been?

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