Tag Archives: thinking

decisions, decisions

my life has changed a lot in the past few months.
to actually tell you how it’s changed?  well i can’t. lol

i am not too sure what has changed, or why suddenly it feels like i have no time to myself.

i am pretty much go-go-go until the dinner dishes are washed – which is normally well after 7.

by the time i am able to sit and chill – it’s after 8.

by then – i am just dead.  absolutely exhausted.

it also seems that that is the only window of opportunity i have to go to the gym.

right after work just doesn’t fit into my life anymore.
i have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

believe me, i’ve looked at different scenarios – and nothing seems to fit.

so i am debating whether i should quit the gym.

for the past few months all i’ve done is pay them.

i could go after 8 – but by that point i’ve checked out…i am so completely done with the day.

i can’t even imagine willingly getting on a cardio machine.

but it seems like that is my only option and one that i am not overly thrilled about.

oh – i know there’s the morning…but i can’t even get out of bed on time for work, never mind waking up at 5 to work out.
it just doesn’t work in my life.  me and the morning are not friends.
there is no point in denying that i am just not a morning person.

and so – what to do what to do?  do i just cancel the gym – or kick myself in the ass and go after 8?

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a little bit of sunshine

is amazing for the soul.

i had some family come stay with me this weekend
there is nothing like waking up to a smiling baby…happy and content with the world.
simply heaven.

i don’t have alot to say…

i am just settling down from a lovely weekend.
so much baby love – i think my uterus is going to explode!
the biological clock sounds louder and louder every time i get my baby lovin’ fix.

it’s great being an auntie.  amazingly awesome.
but i can’t help but wonder how much more amazing being a mother would be.
(i am sure i’ll get over it in a couple of days lol)

today – we had our first real taste of spring.  16 degrees (61F for my american peeps)

we decided to go for a long walk by the lake (awesome exercise)

it’s amazing how a little bit of sunshine can lift your spirits
it seems everyone was out enjoying the day, smiles painted on their faces
as if we all had discovered some big, unspoken secret.

it’s no secret.

spring is in the air.

and who isn’t in love with spring?

the cold is over, everything is coming to life….
the sun rediscovering your pale white skin.

there’s no secret.

a little bit of sunshine…amazing for a weary soul.

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lesson learned

i am still trying to recover from the month-long “binge” i went on.

i would be lying if i said i don’t beat myself up over it.  cause i do.  i am pretty sure that’s normal though.

i know i can’t change what i did…but i can certainly change how i feel.

i’ve been on schedule this week with the gym.  Just when i thought i couldn’t do another minute of cardio – i managed do ten more.
i sweat my ass off – and it felt amazing.

who woulda thunk that this princess would actually enjoy sweating? lol
cause i do.

i got dressed this morning and am pretty sure a few bad, bad words came out of my mouth.  everything is a little more snug, a little more uncomfortable.
i couldn’t wait to get home just to take my pants off.

i know – i know it takes time.  if i never went off track, i would never be in this stupid head space.
maybe i will be brave enough and find myself at a Zumba class tomorrow and really kick some ass!!

lesson learned indeed.

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rambles from an insomniac

it’s almost 2am…i decided to stop fooling myself and get outta bed
my puppy is laying there, oblivious to the world around her…snoring…and i gotta say i’m a little jealous.

and so i am doing what any other sensible person would do at 2:00am
blogging.
i won’t be posting it until i am much more awake though 🙂

I am amazing.
just thought i’d throw that out there lol

I woke up Monday morning, after having little to no sleep…and felt pretty good considering.
i started going over my to-do list in my head…and of course the gym was on the top of the list.
i need to up my time there…lately i’ve just been running in for a cardio session and saying no to the weights

So…all day i am prepared and psyched and ready to go.
Around 2:00, i start changing my mind…
i said to myself….
self, it’s raining outside, maybe you should just go straight home
self, it’s only Monday you don’t have to go today…you have all week
self, maybe you should go home and nap.

it’s like i have a little devil on my shoulder.
i could talk myself in to and out of anything.
bad bad bee.

Anyways, i did go to the gym, despite what the voices in my head were saying
i did my weights and had a kick ass cardio session.

i notice that making deals with myself actually works.

i promised myself, that if i did 10 min extra cardio i could be rewarded with an iced coffee
since the summer dollar days are over i haven’t had one in a while.
so i did an extra 10 min and went and got me-self a bevvy.
good times!!
would i be able to reward myself with a bag of dill pickle chips the next time? lol

I don’t need a personal trainer
i need a personal motivator…someone who can remind me how it is i feel after i am done working out…or someone who will kick my ass.  i am pretty sure i know a few people who would kick my ass for free.
but anyways…the feeling after i am done working out….
dare i say…better than sex?  nah not true..but a close runner up.
i feel ahhh-maaa-zing!!
but it’s obvious i forget the feeling, because i still have to really pump myself up to go the next time!

i mean, i don’t forget how a glass of wine makes me feel…
or dill pickle chips
or a piece of chocolate…
i know exactly how those things make me feel.

so why do i forget how the gym makes me feel?  there is never a time i say…man i regret going to the gym
i always find myself saying – man, i am so glad i went.

maybe i am getting bored?  i was up the other night at some god awful hour and a Zumba infomercial came on
and it took everything i had not to order the discs
if you’ve been following my blog for a while, you would know that i’ve been wanting to take classes
my gym offers them…but just Monday mornings.  i can’t really skip work and go.
i just think that’s stupid….bah, but everything seems stupid at 2:00am.
anyways that’s where my head is at.

on to other very very important news…
i am soooooo excited.

if you know me in real life, you would know that i have a huge, crazy crush on Gavin Degraw.
i love him so much that i was even able to forgive him for his second album – which was not good (sorry gavin)
i love him.  his voice is my ear candy.  he could sing a page outta the phone book and i would still melt.
he is instant panty removal material.
not in a physical oh my lord that man is hot sense…in a when i close my eyes and hear him sing i get shivers sense

ok – sooooo my point being…his new album is out today!
YAY!!!!
i have been listening to his album on line for the past few days – and when i say album, i mean ONE song lol
on repeat – for 3 days.
i am dying to post it here…but obviously it’s not even hit youtube yet.
all i can suggest is that you all run out and get his album (which is called Sweeter) and listen to “Stealing”

“we had a good time, and then there was sorrow.  i call it stealing, you call it borrow.  so i want my heart back, if you’re not gonna keep it.  If you got no uses, then i’m gonna need it, and someone else is gonna need it too.”

wow, i really need to go to bed ehh?  good luck to me…i am so wired.

anyways since i can’t leave you with the song i am obsessed with at the moment…i will leave you with one that always makes me melt….enjoy….

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exactly what i needed

everything happens for a reason.  things come to you for a reason.  nothing is coincidence.

for example, out of the blue my godfather popped into my head…and wouldn’t go away.  after a full 24 hours of tears and sadness and never-ending thoughts and conversations with my godfather (who passed away almost 4 years ago) how is it that a car…that appeared to go out of it’s way to cut me off…would bare the license plate “godfather”?

coincidence?  i don’t believe in coincidence.
i believe in signs.  i believe he was saying – hey kid i’m right here!

So i was on google today…looking for something rather specific…and instead found this…and i knew it was exactly what i needed to hear today.

maybe i didn’t find it…maybe it found me.

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food for thought

so i’ve noticed a pattern in me.

it is one i am debating cutting out actually…but not sure if i want to!!

these past few weeks – i have been allowing myself to eat whatever i want on the weekends.
i figure that i am working out…and have been eating clean for so long
that i can afford the luxury.

i find that it does take away any desire to “cheat” during the week
and i eat on plan for the week.

i haven’t seen any weight creep on…but i certainly haven’t seen any creep off.
although i am not in this for the weight loss per say…let’s face it…i could still lose another 5-10 pounds.
i am not achieving that by eating high carb foods on the weekend i am sure

never mind what it is doing to me inside.  i am sure i am confusing my body…it doesn’t know what’s going on.

my vacation is just around the corner…and i do not want to commit myself to a strict diet…
i will be on vacation and want to play and indulge a bit i am sure.
not that i am using that as an excuse to stray off plan – i just want to give myself some leniency.

i will be wearing a bathing suit – you would think that would be enough to throw me back in check…but alas it does not. lol

i am going to revisit this after my vacation.  maybe i need to do my low carb hard core again.

just rambling out loud – cause it’s what i do! lol

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most random thought to date

seriously….not sure where my head is at sometimes…

and why i think the things i do…

but it is what it is and i am who i am…and so just to let you all know what’s been on my mind since first thing this morning..

are you ready?

are you sure?

I woke up thinking….

“i would love to see the world through kaleidoscope eyes”

no rhyme, no reason…just ’cause.

but c’mon…wouldn’t the world be an even prettier place?

as you were…no more random from me for a while, i promise!

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creeeeepy

so i already knew what i was gonna post tomorrow.

like i said a couple of posts ago…i am getting alot of quotes coming my way.

there was one that spoke to me but i didn’t want to overwhelm you guys so i thought i’d post them one at a time.

tonight i was checking email and facebook…and one of my groups – Couch to 5k posted the exact quote i’ve been holding on to for days.
so i thought i wouldn’t wait until the morning and share it with you now.

creepy the way things happen…the way the universe speaks to you.

good night friends 🙂

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