Tag Archives: living

the c-word

i hate it.
Over the past 2 days i found out that 2 more sweet, succulent souls have passed away from this relentless disease.
that makes 3 people in less than a month.
and this makes me so sad and angry.
I am not ignorant enough to believe that it only affects my world and the people i love.
i understand that thousands of people a day are given this life sentence.
but how can i not personalize something so personal?
and so as death goes, it makes you take inventory of your life.
am i doing everything right?  am i living a squeaky clean existence which will guarantee i make it to the ripe old age of 99?
not only am i taking care of my health, but am i treating those people i love as i should?
 the truth is…it doesn’t matter.
what i have learned through these 3 deaths this past month….
is that cancer doesn’t care.
cancer is not racist.
it doesn’t care if you are 36 or 74.
it doesn’t care if you live your life as a healthy active person, or if you abuse your body.
it’s like it does the eeny meeny miney mo
and when it’s your time…it’s your time.
the end.
I am still going to give it my all…do my best to be the healthiest bee i can be
there is so much i can improve and work on…
you know…to make me indestructible….Super Bee.
i wish
sometimes it just makes you wonder what it’s all about you know?
it just makes me think…and really, i already think too much
and so…for just this one time….i will not be a hard ass and say:
hey…i love you – just in case you were wondering.
I love you.
don’t ever expect me to say it again
i do have an image to uphold

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the things that matter

it doesn’t matter today
doesn’t matter at all.
it doesn’t matter what i decide to eat, or if i walk 5 miles, or do 45 min of cardio.
it doesn’t matter how small my waist is getting
or if i am simply having a fat day.
it just doesn’t fuking matter
actually, it seems so very insignificant and trivial today
to worry about things that ultimately don’t really define my existance.
what matters today?
that i am here typing this…healthy, alive, capable and loved
that matters
what matters is the mother who is fighting for her life
her 4 children
her husband
and the millions of people everywhere…praying for her.
what matters more than the lunch i decide to eat today?
that she kicks cancers ass.  that the brain cancer won’t take her away.
what matters more than all the insignificant, trivial little things in life?
the big things.
the people in your life
all my thoughts and prayers are with S and her family right now.
if you are so inclined, please say a prayer or light a candle, or think good thoughts.
that’s what matters.

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