the past few months have really been huge
there has been a shift in me
in my energy
in my perception
life isn’t easy…let’s not pretend
life can be hard – stressful
it can shake you down
or it can build you up
i got tired of the negative voice in my head
no i’m not a negative person by default
but i am human – and i let things get to me
add to that how very analytical my brain is – and doesn’t shut off
well it can be a mess in there
then i started to think
about losses
things in my life that i felt i lost
or let go of
because i wasn’t good enough to have them etc
i wasn’t worthy
everything i have lost is my doing
blah blah blah
all these self defeating thoughts
going round and round like a loop in my head
making me feel really unlovable
i couldn’t even like myself
all these damn things
these things that were weighing me down
were not actually things
but me
no one or nothing can have that kind of power over you
unless you allow them to
it really is that simple
and that hard
all in the same breath
the things i have “lost”
i never lost
they weren’t mine to begin with
things that made me feel bad
bad about me, bad about life, bad about everything
those things never belonged to me either
i’m pretty fucking awesome kids
i have a good life – borderline great
i have amazing family and friends
people who would do anything for me
i have love – lots of it
and i feel it every single day of my life
even on those days that the world seems a little dark
losses are not mine to own
feelings of not being enough don’t belong here in this house i keep either
i keep my circle small
because i am aware of what and who i deserve
i know my worth
the rest is just noise
the rest is baggage
the rest is unworthy of a moment of your precious time
and once it clicked
i mean really clicked
shit started changing
my mood
my energy
my laughter
i felt lighter
literally and figuratively
it seemed like as soon as my mind and my body connected this
the weight started coming off overnight!
stress is a heavy load to carry
and i carried the weight of the world on my shoulders
once i actually realized my worth
what i give to the universe
to those closest to me
the endless supply of my love and affection of those deserving
it seemed my life changed in the blink of an eye
i can’t explain it any more or any less
it just is what it is
change your perception
and see what changes in you