Tag Archives: healthy

i’m a loser

and it feels good!!

after about a month of being on track – and as healthy as i can be…
i feel i can breathe a little better.

my clothes are fitting right once again…i don’t feel like a bloated fat mess anymore
i feel like me again
thank god.

i was on a very slippery slope a couple of months back
diving right back into my old patterns, my old behaviours
the only difference this time is – i stopped it – quickly.

i could have sat in that space – and made up excuse after excuse why i just couldn’t do it anymore
fall into that old familiar cycle.
you know the one.  you get depressed – so you eat.  it feels good at the time – and then you get depressed cause you are gaining weight – so you eat to feed the depression.
a merry go round of destructive behaviour.

bullshit
it’s all bullshit.
i can talk myself out of anything…or into anything
call it a gift…
so i went the extra mile and talked myself back to where i needed to be…
and today i am so happy i did.

i am back baby.
true – the gym has been a little sporadic lately.  i am still going but not as often as i’d like.
i am a busy girl and i think i just set my expectations too high.  it’s that go big or go home attitude.
i can’t be at the gym every day.  it’s just no feasible.
i can’t be everywhere at once…and so i needed to slow things down.
that’s ok.  i go when i go.  at least i go.

so today i walked into the office…and my bff brought me a gift
a sinful gift at that
a chai latte from Starbucks.  oh mah gawd.
i probably haven’t had a chai latte in well over a year.

when i woke up this morning i was debating what was more important to get done today
laundry or the gym?
laundry was winning the race until the chai latte

tonight it’s the gym….
because i am on a losing streak kids…i am getting rid of those stupid summer pounds…
i am a loser and i love it!

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big love

i found this on line tonight.

a very simple message, but it stayed with me.  i need to print this off and keep it at my desk – or on my mirror!!

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white flag

i know that i am pretty similar to wonder woman
actually…the similarities are endless really 🙂
but mamma, i am tired.

i realized that i was just worn out when i nearly dropped dead on Friday
i just think my body was telling me to chill right out.
and so….i shall try.

there’s just so much that needs to be done in a day
i simply don’t have the hours.  add another 3-4 hours and maybe, just maybe…we’ll be all good.

so i am trying to simplify.

i have come here for help kids.

being creative with dinner on a daily basis is just not gonna happen.
my life is much easier…less stressful when i can cook a meal that can last me 2-3 days.
that takes the pressure out of finding time to cook and eat
and will also help me to not have the desire to stray from my low carb
by the time i get home, do what needs to be done…and even think about dinner…i am famished!
all of a sudden anything carby and sinful sounds like a perfect idea.
i really don’t want to cave in to the demons in my belly.

i have a few meals that i make on a regular basis, but i don’t want to grow tired of them.
i need to switch things up.

and so i come here waving my little white flag…
admitting i just don’t know what to do anymore.
i’ve come here asking…more like…begging for my fellow low carb friends for some recipes
something i can make that will last me a couple of dinners
and isn’t all that time consuming to make.

am i asking for too much?
some simplicity in my life somewhere???
i thought i’d start with the meals and go from there.

if i don’t catch a breath sooner or later…i may just cry.
and you really don’t want to see me cry…do you?

help!!
any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
bring it!

i also just wanted to take a second…and tell the blogging world…
that i really miss my puppy.  i miss him every day…but today i miss him a ton.
6 years ago today i put my little man down.
the picture isn’t the best, but hey…when you look good…you look good.  there’s no hiding that.
i love you my little squish man.

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saturday smile

i dare you not to smile when you look at this face!!!

nothing like a huge dose of cuteness to make your day.

she’s sayin’ ” i am sooooo happy i get to spend the whole weekend with my mommy bee!! i love her sooooo much!”

lol

Hope your weekend is filled with as much happiness…and love!

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a vision of healthy

i am not
i am a hot mess!
lol

it’s going on two weeks that i have had this bloody headache…
seriously i need a break from it please
the universe decided to give me a break…by having me sleep funny last week and wake up with a broken neck.
it took the extreme pain in my head away that’s for sure.
thanks Universe…you rock.

i cannot turn my head either way…i look funny…
but i assure you i am not laughing.

have you tried changing lanes when you really can’t move your head???

to add insult to injury…i feel like i just worked out my upper abs for 24 hours straight
either that or have been punched in the gut repeatedly.

i’m a mess i tell you…a bloody mess.

enough about me…how are you??? lol

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recipe for happiness part deux

puppy and me have the whole day together tomorrow.

how lucky am i!!!

i do believe we will go for a car ride and spend time at the puppy park.
we will play, go for a long walk and get some exercise on the first day of spring!!

we will cook a fabulous low carb meal and cuddle…and maybe even watch a movie together.
puppy has been hinting at watching “Love and other Drugs” 😉
haha!

i was going to go to the gym tomorrow…
but don’t my new plans sound way more exciting?
i do believe so.

Happy 1st day of Spring to all my peeps…i love this time of year.

mmm…love is in the air…can you smell it?

sorry…iphone pics can suck, but there is no mistaking the cuteness!

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the hummingbird

when i was thinking about today’s blog, it dawned on me how personal this really is to me.
and how it completely belongs here.

so i guess i kind of lied yesterday.  sometimes, on the odd occasion, you may find a piece of my soul in here.
and i am ok with that.

when i was 17, i decided to get a tattoo.
i guess on the outside i was a typical teenager, wanting to express myself…wanting to find my place.

i was always so much deeper than anyone i knew.  i was an old soul.

i wasn’t going to just mark my body for something to do…it had to mean something to me.
and at that time…and to this day…the hummingbird has meant something to me.

back then, i was ill.
very ill.
the details are much too personal to post here, but it’s safe to say i was not well.
i think the worst part was, i just never told anyone that i was sick.
not my family, not my friends.
i kept it inside, and worried myself to death.

it was a dark time…add an illness – or i should say illnesses
plus the regular drama of teenage life.
i was a lost little girl.

when i looked at the hummingbird, it made me feel alive.
it was small, beautiful, it’s colours so very vibrant.
like me…
like i could be.

but i was dead inside.
black inside.
no colour, no life.

the tattoo represented who i was inside
somewhere in there, there was a healthy girl…alive…vibrant.
waiting ever so patiently to come out and shine.

one day, the inside would match the outside.

20 years have passed since then.
i’ve been plagued with other health issues, struggled through the worry.
3 surgeries later (2 were 4 weeks apart)
and 1 full year of follow ups…
and i am intact.
healthy as can bee 🙂

through the years, the hummingbird has faded, the colours have bled into themselves
and what once was a vision of beauty…became something old, worn and forgotten.

for years i have been talking about getting it touched up.
but there has never been time, or money…there’s always been something more important to do.
but i hated looking at that hummingbird in the mirror
because 20 years later, it looked exactly how my 17 year old self felt.

i was beyond that.
but there was my reminder…staring me in the face every single day.

last night i was gifted something so amazing, i haven’t the words to describe how i feel.
(the fact that YOU knew what this meant to me..that you actually heard what it meant to me, means more than the actual gift itself)

i was gifted with my tattoo.

my tattoo has been touched up and is even more beautiful than i can remember it ever being.

and i feel like i have come full circle.

my outsides match my insides now.

i am the hummingbird.  i am alive, healthy and vibrant and whole.
i am all that i prayed that i could be.

i was thinking about this in the car on the way home…
and i started to cry…without warning.
the tears were the realization, that i have indeed come full circle.

i was so dead inside, and that tattoo 20 years ago made me feel alive.

today…i’m alive.
the tattoo reflects everything…everything i was intended to be.
the healthy, happy, vibrant old soul standing in front of you.

i looked up the meaning of hummingbirds last night, and this couldn’t be more fitting:

In Native American culture, a hummingbird symbolizes timeless joy and the Nectar of Life. It’s a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible and will teach you how to find the miracle of joyful living from your own life circumstances.

i’d say that’s pretty much bang on.

Just so you get an idea of what they look like…

here is my tattoo friend prepping me lol:

and here is the before and after pic!

thank you my suprise gift giver.  i love you, you rock my socks!!

if you are in the Toronto area, and want to be inked…be sure to check out:

Phat Buddha
1769 Danforth Ave
Toronto, On
647-352-8818

phatbuddhatattoos@gmail.com

ask for Tyler – ’cause he rocks my socks too.

i know i will be going back again soon…i already know what i want!  i’ve been thinking about it for well over a decade, and tonight it came to me!

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back to the real world

it’s crazy how difficult it is to get back on track…and back into a routine.
 
all morning my belly was grumbling like an angry bear – “feed me, feed me!!!!!
 
but it didn’t want anything remotely low carb. 
no no no. 
it was anti low carb.
 
anyone who has fallen off the low carb wagon knows how bloody hard it is to get back on it.
it’s not that i don’t like the way that i eat…cause i reaaalllly do.  it’s my body’s addiction to the sugar…and so it craves it.
it’s so much easier to cave in then to stand strong.
 
i have been way too lax with my eating these past 2 weeks.  i allowed small treats into my life…full well knowing that when the vacation was over so was the “bad” food.
 
so now my appetite is insatiable.  i won’t even tell you what i ate last night (all according to plan mind you)
and today i felt like i hadn’t eaten in days!!!!!
 
this will pass in a couple of days.  i can ride it out.  i have before.
 
wow – i gotta say…a small part of me ( a very minute, itty bitty part of me) is happy to be back to the real world.
i have figured out the only way to success is through structure…
 
so….i’m baaaaaack!

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work it!

 

i was thinking about a conversation i had with a friend the other day.
I actually have this conversation quite often.
 
her reasoning for not working out is that she just doesn’t have the time.  I totally get that feeling.  I understand that life is busy.  sometimes i wonder where i will find the time to breathe.
 
but
 
if you want something bad enough…you find the time.  at least that is my school of thought.
 
that was my excuse for years.  i just don’t have time!!  i certainly had enough time to sit at my computer for a couple of hours, or sit on my couch and watch my favourite shows…drinking wine and eating potato chips!
 
it took me many months to get into a routine that works for me.
and working out 5 days a week for me is perfect!!
 
I make working out sound so pleasant and lovely don’t i?
well…in all honestly…i don’t love it.
i love how i feel afterwards, i love the results i see…but it’s a rare occassion where you will see me jumping up for joy on my way home because i am going to work out!
 
same goes for work.  i enjoy the paychecks i receive, and seeing the results of all my hard work.
but would i rather be at home in my jammies?
cha!
 
that’s how i keep myself in check.
my work day does not end when i leave the office.  it ends when i am done my work out.
it is part of my day…part of my “work”.
it is something that just has to be done.
 
that’s how i find the time.  i compare it to my job.
often times i may want to call in sick, but i don’t (i just thought about it and i have had HALF a sick day all year.  way to go bee! )
so often times i want to go home and sit on my couch…but i don’t.
 
it’s my work.
and it works for me.
 
yesterday i called in sick to my work out. first time since i started working out on a regular basis.  i have been feeling unwell for about a week…and yesterday was probably the worst day.
i was able to go to work…but the mere thought of me working my core hard for 20 min had me in tears.
considering it is my belly that is my source of discomfort.
 
And so i called in sick.  guilt free. 
today is a new day.
I’m ready to kick Wednesday’s ass.


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crack is whack

i was thinking about foods i couldn’t live without
that i would surely die without
and the first thing that came to mind??
diet coke
what food group does that fall under i wonder?
but let me be clear.  it’s not just diet coke….actually i would never choose to buy a diet coke in a can
no thanks
i am talking about fountain pop
and not just any fountain pop
McDonald’s diet coke.

McDonald’s diet coke is my crack.

don’t get me wrong.  it’s not like i drink it every day
or even once a week (although i could drink it every day)
i drink it once in a while…and when i do…my whole world lights right up.
all is wonderful in the world of bee.
seriously
my crack.

if you were to come to my door
with a McDonald’s diet coke in hand…you would own my heart forever
i’d put you in my pocket and carry you with me.

could it be that they actually put crack in my diet pop??
because i don’t know what the hell makes it so tasty and delicious
and makes me want more and more and more

now i want a diet coke.
pfft.

lately the next best thing to my diet coke…

peanut butter.

i don’t know when this new addiction developed
i mean i never ate peanut butter as a kid….i only started eating it occasionally in college
and now…
i find myself going into the kitchen, spoon in hand and digging in
and it’s like my crack
it takes away my sugar craving…
and i just can’t stop.

right now…i want an extra large diet coke and a big ass tub of crunchy peanut butter

i am a vision of healthy eating ain’t i? lol

god…i am on some seriously heavy antibiotics right now
i am all outta whack…
maybe blogging today wasn’t a good idea

maybe my antibiotics are crack
crack is whack.

ok…i am stopping now….


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