Tag Archives: gym

could this be true

am i actually blogging???

hi!

remember me?

no?

meh, i don’t blame you.

i’ve been busy.  crazy busy.  so busy that i’ve let this place go.

let’s see…what’s new

everything and nothing.

the gym has been non existent, the eating has been pretty good…except for the random splurge on weekends.

i did acquire another bundle of joy.
a puppy.

so really – i am getting quite a bit of exercise.  i am actually more exhausted these days then when i actually had time for the gym.

i don’t settle in till at least after 8 – and then by 10 – i am walking the critters again. to say i am exhausted is an understatement.

i am sure i am burning a million calories with this heat wave.  it is hot over here…you break out in a sweat just breathing.
So for those of you that think Canadians live in igloos – oh think again my friends….think again.

did i mention LB is in a cast with a broken finger?….so yeah things are just insanely busy.
i may just cry things are so busy

i have two more days until i am on vacation.  it’s a staycation – but i am so looking forward to it.

so that’s pretty much my news.

what’s new with you?

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decisions, decisions

my life has changed a lot in the past few months.
to actually tell you how it’s changed?  well i can’t. lol

i am not too sure what has changed, or why suddenly it feels like i have no time to myself.

i am pretty much go-go-go until the dinner dishes are washed – which is normally well after 7.

by the time i am able to sit and chill – it’s after 8.

by then – i am just dead.  absolutely exhausted.

it also seems that that is the only window of opportunity i have to go to the gym.

right after work just doesn’t fit into my life anymore.
i have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

believe me, i’ve looked at different scenarios – and nothing seems to fit.

so i am debating whether i should quit the gym.

for the past few months all i’ve done is pay them.

i could go after 8 – but by that point i’ve checked out…i am so completely done with the day.

i can’t even imagine willingly getting on a cardio machine.

but it seems like that is my only option and one that i am not overly thrilled about.

oh – i know there’s the morning…but i can’t even get out of bed on time for work, never mind waking up at 5 to work out.
it just doesn’t work in my life.  me and the morning are not friends.
there is no point in denying that i am just not a morning person.

and so – what to do what to do?  do i just cancel the gym – or kick myself in the ass and go after 8?

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do you know what peace of mind costs these days?

500 bucks

true story.

my car cost me 500 bucks.  there wasn’t even anything seriously wrong with it.  my check engine light came on because my spark plugs were misfiring.

it was also in need for a serious tune up.

not only could i not make it to the gym tonight – but i am also broke.

peace of mind ain’t cheap these days.
Zumba class tomorrow kids!!!!!!!  i am so nervous.  i found out my instructor to be is my next door neighbour – and i have a feeling she is going to whoop my ass.
ahhh what crushes are made of lol

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lesson learned

i am still trying to recover from the month-long “binge” i went on.

i would be lying if i said i don’t beat myself up over it.  cause i do.  i am pretty sure that’s normal though.

i know i can’t change what i did…but i can certainly change how i feel.

i’ve been on schedule this week with the gym.  Just when i thought i couldn’t do another minute of cardio – i managed do ten more.
i sweat my ass off – and it felt amazing.

who woulda thunk that this princess would actually enjoy sweating? lol
cause i do.

i got dressed this morning and am pretty sure a few bad, bad words came out of my mouth.  everything is a little more snug, a little more uncomfortable.
i couldn’t wait to get home just to take my pants off.

i know – i know it takes time.  if i never went off track, i would never be in this stupid head space.
maybe i will be brave enough and find myself at a Zumba class tomorrow and really kick some ass!!

lesson learned indeed.

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7 days later

the first week was difficult – not impossible though.

i survived.

i think the week was harder than normal since it was my first week back after 3 weeks off.
i was tired.  i was just tired from going to work, never mind the dreaded exhaustion that comes from getting back on track diet wise.
i didn’t make the gym as often as i wanted to, and i didn’t make it to my Zumba class – i was just too exhausted.
i am hoping that this week, i will feel more like myself and i can get back on track with my life.

we went grocery shopping today – almost 200 bucks later we have a fridge filled with good, yummy snacks.
all i wanted to buy was bags of dill pickle chips – it’s hard shopping and being hormonal!
everything bad looks good!
but, as long as i am at home – there is nothing here to eat that would make me feel guilty.

i plan on getting to bed early this week.
i find it helps so much when i am well rested – duh.  i know it’s not rocket science, but i like the night
so going to bed early doesn’t make me happy…

that’s my update.
i am doing alright.

i haven’t decided if i am going to the gym tomorrow or heading out to a Zumba class.
either one would be good….and i will do one or the other.  sitting idle tomorrow is not an option.
i can figure it out then.

i have 7 days under my belt – it’s only going to get easier from here!

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i still rock

i survived my first day – it’s a miracle!

i was crazy busy at work, but that’s to be expected after having a 3 week vacation.  it was nice to reconnect with my friends – although the cookie monster was off sick today.  boo.

as for my diet – easy breezy. it’s much easier to stick to plan when i am at work.  i have so many choices that i don’t feel the need to eat something off plan – although it’s tempting when it’s stir fry day 🙂

i hit my wall extremely early today – like around 1:30.  i could hear my bed calling my name.
but i made it.  i was so very busy the day just flew by.

yes, in case you are wondering – i made it to the gym.  there was no way i was passing that up.  it was crystal clear to me this morning as i was getting dressed that i could not afford to miss another day.
my pants are a little snug in the butt…yeah i still fit in them but oh boy are they a tight fit lol.
talk about motivation!

it was a tough one.  i mean it felt great, but i only managed 35 minutes of cardio.  i was aiming for 45.  that’s ok…it’s better not to push it the first day.

i am off to get my head read tomorrow night.  no not a shrink…but i have my MRI in the evening.  i filled my prescription for my Ativan and am just getting ready to give it a test run (highly encouraged by my doctor..not just for a fun night!)

while i was off work, i didn’t have a headache every day…so i think the solution to all of this is to just quit my job and live on love.  next step is to get my peepers checked.

anyways, that’s my update.  i had a super productive day – and survived day 1.

why?  cause i totally rock!

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i chickened out

soooo
i sent an email to the Zumba instructor telling her that i couldn’t make it for tomorrow night.
i did however mention that i was very interested and if she could offer me a different night…i would love to come.

i didn’t lie lie.
perhaps just a little white one.

i really am not available to go tomorrow night.  why you might ask?
my anxiety about doing this is through the roof.
i mean palms are sweating, heart is racing…i feel shaky and sick to my stomach.
and this is something i’ve been dying to do for over a year.

i am telling you – that first gym i joined back in the stone ages really did a number on me.
that is why i am still amazed to this day that i can go to my current gym on my own.
don’t let me fool you…there are days i walk in there and i feel sick…and sometimes it takes everything i have not to walk outta there…
but i don’t.

these are the things i don’t divulge on my blog – which maybe i should – because maybe someone will tell me i am not alone.
because i really feel alone in this anxiety.

i don’t know if i mentioned my first ever gym experience.
i would walk past it in a hurried pace, and even manage to have full blown panic attacks.  back in the day it was more often than not that i would experience panic attacks
the gym was full of higher up management, who wore the best of the best and applied fresh make up for their workouts.
they would eye you up and down – and especially liked to look at you when you were naked – getting changed into your lower class work out gear.
it was horrible.  the whispers, the smirks.
thank god i had a huge crush on someone at the gym – because that’s all that got me to go there as much as i did.
as i probably don’t need to mention to you – i stopped going.  i kept paying but i stopped going.

I have accomplished much in terms of my anxiety when it comes to all things gym related
i mean i actually go to a gym…hello.  i don’t think people pay attention to me there…and that’s what i like.
i get on a bike or an elliptical – and use a quiet room for weights – which i should also mention – if there are too many women in the room i don’t do the weights.
yes, my anxiety still exists.

Zumba is a whole other ball of wax.  You are putting a woman who has no rhythm in a dance type kind of class.
i have zero rhythm people.  other than chair dancing but of course – or when i’ve had a few drinks i really believe i have a crap load of rhythm!!

i digress.

i am not giving up.  i just need time.
i sent off the email cancelling tomorrow night with the intention of going to the next class.  and i will.
i just chickened out.
and now i think i just feel worse.

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feeling blessed

today was a day.
well it wasn’t so bad until the end of the day really.
you know, when my work day was done and i was racing out to meet GB at the gym.
i hopped into my car…and that’s right about where things got yucky.

my car wouldn’t start.
the battery finally died.

can i tell you for 9 years my car has been perfect (as i knock on wood)
the fact that my original battery lasted for 9 years is crazy!!

i’ll admit…i am a typical girl when it comes to cars.  i only know how to drive them.
i wouldn’t be able to change my own tire…and i certainly wouldn’t be able to change my own battery.

i asked my friend if he could give me a boost so i could get to a shop and get a new battery.
he did more than i could ever ask him to.
he drove me to Canadian Tire and we picked up a battery and he changed it out for me.
how awesome is he????
it was pouring rain – the weather was crap…and he still offered to help.
now that is true friendship.  i see a bottle of wine is some one’s future.

it was stressful for me driving home…i got all paranoid about the car stalling etc (it was idling really low)
but i made it home…me and my car all in one piece.

i was gifted chocolate to calm my poor little nerves.  don’t worry it was low carb 🙂

so now i am home safe and sound.  i didn’t hit the gym, but there is always tomorrow.

i guess i am blogging here because i just feel blessed.
i am surrounded by so many good people…it makes me warm and fuzzy inside!

i leave you with a quote i read tonight – it stuck with me.  enjoy!

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. ~ Mary Oliver

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thursday randoms

it’s a random day and i have random thoughts.
i am feeling more like myself – so really you should expect nothing less

this is day two of no headache.  ok, so yesterday i had a very very mild one
but considering what i have been dealing with lately – that was a piece of cake.
two days of feeling like a brand new woman – like i could conquer the world
i am going to completely take advantage of it – because i am sure it will be back.
it seems when the headache went away – my personality returned.  go figure.

if you read my blog yesterday – you read about my near death experience yes?
ok, ok…so i may be exaggerating just a bit – but seriously…those stairs just about killed me
after the initial shock to my body wore off i thought to myself – “self, you gotta do that again!”
i used to take the stairs every single day.  i don’t know why i stopped…but i am thinking maybe, just maybe i will try it again
it would be great if i could get my diva dog to do it with me – but she’s too good for stairs
i would end up carrying her.  no thanks!

my eating has been remarkable lately.  it feels so good being back on track.  when i am in this mode i always wonder why i ever strayed.
i have much more energy (if i don’t have a bloody headache that is)  and i just feel so much more accomplished.
can you see me patting my back?

if there is no headache tomorrow – i am going to give weights a try at the gym again.  i’ve given up on the weights because honestly – it feels like my brains are gonna pop out.  it’s quite the scary feeling doing weights feeling like that.  it makes me wonder what the hell my brain is going through to be feeling so horrible.
so i’ve only been doing cardio now for a few weeks – i am anxious and nervous about getting back on the weights.  i think my body will be in pain – but it’s a good pain. yeah i am one of those weirdos who like pain.
it’s been a while since i’ve done weights and i feel myself shying away from doing them.
i’ll get over it i am sure.

i’ll leave you with a picture of my beautiful family – well some of my family.  the little critters that have stolen my heart.


see the socks my lil’  dood is wearing?  i bought those for lil’ bee when she was born for her first Halloween.  god how time flies.

have an awesome Thursday – i know i will.  Thursday’s are my favourite!  woohoo

on tonight’s agenda – i am going to make a kick ass dinner – possibly a kick ass cheesecake.  pray that my kitten doesn’t cause me to drink copious amounts of alcohol (i forgot what kittens were like – lord give me strength)
and all my shows are on – and more than likely i shall be writing.
now doesn’t that sound like an amazing evening?

play nice kids!

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