well it finally happened
bee had a tad of a melt down yesterday.  i looked a little like this lol

as per usual, i raced home to take my sweet puppy outside for a walk.
raced back in and got dressed for the gym.
right before i left…i felt a little woozy and nauseous.  no worries…i figured it would pass.

ran downstairs to meet GB, got in her car…and my world started spinning
“i don’t feel so good” i said.
she asked if i wanted to stay home…and i said no way – this will pass.

we pulled into the parking lot…and i have the sweats, crazy beating heart…and i still feel nauseous.
my world is spinning – and i am getting ready to go in and do some cardio.
what is wrong with this picture???

GB after looking at me like i had 5 heads told me i probably shouldn’t go in feeling the way i do.
it took a bit of convincing – but alas i did not go.

we grabbed an iced coffee and headed to the lake for some fresh air.

10 minutes later i told her we could go try working out.
she laughed at me and ignored me.

i don’t know what i was thinking – but there is no way i could have worked out.

i went home and that’s when it all spiraled out of control.

i washed some dishes, got my recyclables together…and thought about dinner.
all the while debating whether i should run out and get my butt to the gym.

i felt so guilty.  missing one day at the gym totally screwed up my schedule.

now i had to rearrange everything.

my life is all about structure.  it never has been before…but now it has to be….for me to be remotely successful

when was i going to do everything else??

i was defeated…i felt an immense guilt inside…that i was failing.  i am wonder woman…i am supposed to be able to do everything!
i can handle anything.

but at that moment i felt so overwhelmed.  i felt like a soccer mom – without the kids.
i felt completely and utterly defeated – and damn tired.

but i keep that all in.  no room for complaining that i am tired, or stressed…overwhelmed…
who really wants to hear that?
i am not a whiner by nature.  i tough it out.  i am strong like bull.

so i sat there in my guilt.  i have a Greek mother (sorry ma) i was groomed to feel guilt over everything.
if you sat me down and told me world hunger was actually my doing…i would guarantee you i’d feel guilty about that too!!

i just have no time – and my body finally let me process that.
i can’t remember the last time i sat down and was able to pay attention to one of my favourite shows on tv.
i used to watch Criminal Minds in bed before i fell asleep…and now i can’t get through 10 minutes of it.
i am just so damn tired.

so what did i do?
what any sensible girl would do.
i cried over my steamed broccoli – and analyzed every single aspect of my life and fed my enormous guilt with my tears.
i had a pity party for one…and then stopped.

took the puppy to the dog park and got lots of love from puppies which made me feel worlds better.
i mean what heart would not melt from puppy kisses???

oh…and i feel better today.
i felt better right after i ate…i suppose i was crazy hungry.

oh and in case you are even questioning…i still am wonder woman.
i will always kick serious ass.
i am sure even wonder woman breaks down now and then.

self portrait

and if you care at all…this is what my horoscope says today:

Be more realistic about what you can do. You might be a bit overly sensitive about what you are offering in a situation. Everyone feels limited at times. Don’t push so hard right now. Tonight: Let someone else treat.