Tag Archives: food

what love looks like

it looks like this

(please don’t look if you are dying for something delicious and sweet)

 

cake1

my birthday is soonish
and someone that i care about
and love

went out of her way
to make me a tiramisu cake – with her own two hands
wrap it up with her love
and Purolate it to me at work!

this cake made a 5-6 hour trip
just to end up in my tummy
(and who are we kidding, my ass and my thighs)

along with the cake came a beautiful card

and i gotta tell you

for a moment i felt like the most loved girl
in the world

and who knows

maybe in that moment i was

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i’m a freak

walking out my front door at 6am
and coming back through it at 9 sometimes 10pm
doesn’t give me much time for anything

this has been my life for about 2 months
mostly this past month

work is insane
and i think i am going insane

i can barely get my butt to bed
never mind working out

add to that the element of comfort eating
and well
it’s not pretty

today i decided
work be damned…
and left the office after my normal 8 hour day

i needed a break
i needed time away from there

and i also reallllly needed a bowl of chips to snack on

i decided to drive home
and said to myself
“self….
if you want to snack on chips tonight, you have to walk to the store
and then take the long way back home”

it’s December
it’s windy and cold
and i tend to not go outdoors unless i absolutely have to between November – April

but i wanted those chips

so i bundled myself up
and off i went

wow
who knew something unhealthy
would motivate me to do something healthy?
i assure you, if i were out of lettuce…i’d never leave the house

so 5kms later
i was home, with a bag of chips
chips i have zero interest in snacking on by the way

i got home and turned on the satellite radio
and one of my favourite songs came on

all of a sudden, i am off my couch
dancing around like an idiot

see, this white girl has no rhythm
but i didn’t care
i had the house to myself
i could flop around like a moron all i wanted
no one would know

except the dogs
i am sure they were judging me

next thing i know
a half hour passes
and i am sweating and feeling so freaking amazing

i have been so wound up
so over the top stressed
my body needed this release!!

i just haven’t had any time to be physical
at all

my life is not going to calm down any time soon
but what i learned tonight
is that i need some me time

thanks to NK – for making me see
that if i don’t take time to take care of myself
i can’t take care of what needs to be done

you dear sir
are the reason i danced my zero rhythm ass off

here’s to hoping
that i can get out there again
without chips being my reward

hey it’s a start
but you gotta start somewhere

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long overdue update

as you can see, i haven’t had anything to write about in a very long time.

actually that’s a big fat lie.  i’ve had a ton to write about, but nothing losingbee related.

i am not a losing bee
i am a gaining bee
and it sucks

let me fill you in since the last post.

pull up a chair, i have a feeling this is going to be a long one.

last i wrote, i had rediscovered my love for running

and then the shin splints happened, and suddenly my love turned into horrible fear.

i would run until i was in so much pain i couldn’t handle it anymore.

i would be far from home and hardly able to walk…i don’t know how i made it home sometimes.

so i bought a pair of extremely expensive runners and insoles…and was ready to try.

i got to go for a run once or twice and my shins felt a little bit better…and then life happened.

i got super busy (and stressed) packing up the last 20 years of my life and moving.

running could wait until that was done.

somehow, during this move…i lost a box of shoes.  all fairly brand new pairs of shoes…one pair being my super expensive runners (and my wii.  where the hell did my wii go?)

granted, i didn’t know it at the time

because then this happened:

foot 2

the cider was just for show 😉

i managed to sprain my ankle.  badly.
i went to urgent care, and they sent me to emergency

they wouldn’t xray it, saying it was just a really bad sprain

fast forward to today…over 4 months later…and it still hurts and it still gets swollen and even walking a fair distance is hard.

me thinks i should go get it checked out again.

then i started taking some meds
three different kinds…

and all of these meds came with horrible side effects.

nausea, head spins, exhaustion, dry mouth, moodiness (x1000) and the worst one?
weight gain.

some may argue that moodiness was the worst side effect and my bodacious ta ta’s were the bonus

i would disagree.

then add to this the fact that i quit smoking.  it’s been 54 days, 14 hours, 59 minutes and 56 seconds (but really whose counting)

so just imagine.  moodiness and quitting smoking

i must be a JOY to be around.

and then there is that amazing cycle so many of us are familiar with.

you feel like crap, you feel like crap for gaining weight, so you eat crap food and then feel even more crappy cause you feel like crap

lather rinse repeat.

i had to go out and buy new clothes.  i am up a size.

and it makes me feel like crap.

i have entered a very new and important chapter in my life.

unhealthy isn’t an option.

so.

i started again.

for the past week, my eating has been super clean and i have been going for walks.
my ankle isn’t enjoying it at all
but maybe it will get stronger as i get stronger

and hopefully thinner

being on these meds tho…i am not sure if weight loss will happen
but it doesn’t hurt to try.

and besides…eating healthy is never a bad thing.

so that’s my news

what’s new with you?

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Happy Bunny Day!!

i have been able to avoid all the Easter chocolates this year
i don’t know how – but i have.
i guess it’s because i am not a big sugar person to begin with
but come on – those Easter chocolates are absolutely delish!
mini eggs.
must i say more???

i’ve been able to roam the aisles at Shoppers – aisle after chocolaty aisle
and i haven’t even wrestled with the back and forth – the should i or shouldn’t i banter.
(i am however slightly obsessed with all the cute stuffed animals – for my niece and nephew of course)

So anyways – Easter is here this weekend…and i made it chocolate free!
there is no chocolate in my home – or at my desk – or in my car.
yay me.

i walked in to work this morning – and found this waiting for me on my desk.

well – i can’t say i didn’t try…and technically it isn’t chocolate
lol

Happy Easter everyone!!!

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i’ve fallen and i can’t get up

well i went and got my head read last night

my awesome fantabulous friend took me 🙂

the whole experience was quick and somewhat painless…and not exactly what i expected…

i popped one of my pills and i was ready to go.
i didn’t feel any different, i didn’t think i was relaxed or calm…
i felt really nervous about laying on that thing and getting  pushed into a small rabbit hole!!!

my friend suggested meditating with my eyes closed…i thought it was a great idea
until all those people they hired to annoy me started banging on the machine

ok – so it wasn’t people – it was the actual machine.  it was the loudest thing i have ever experienced!
they had given me head phones but the noise was so loud that i couldn’t even hear the music!!
i actually had a headache when it was all over.

but it was over and that’s all that mattered.

it took me about half an hour to get all my jewelery back in – i have a lot of piercings apparently..
anyways…

i thought i deserved a glass of wine for everything i had gone through

it went down good.  it was delicious

and it totally knocked me on my ass.
i mean down for the count.

i am aware you are not supposed to mix any prescription meds with booze
i get it
but i didn’t even think the pills did anything in the first place!!!!

i was sadly mistaken. so so mistaken lol

i could not get outta bed this morning.

all day i’ve been walking around in a haze, just wanting to sleep.
and that’s not cool when my work life is super crazy busy.

it is so going to be an early night.

no – there was no gym tonight.  i couldn’t imagine surviving in the state i am in.
i am just a puddle of yuck.

i was gonna cook – but LB saved me from it all and brought dinner from my favourite place!!

on my agenda tonight?   chill – walk the pup and then straight to bed.

hopefully i will be back to fabulous, incredible bee in the morning 🙂

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somebody i used to know

i found this amazingly awesome cover on Facebook and couldn’t stop listening and watching!

enjoy

tonight we are off for some Thai/Vietnamese food.  a restaurant we’ve been wanting to go to for some time…

I’ve never had Vietnamese food…not that i know of anyways…so this will be fun, fun, fun!!

Hope everyone’s weekend is going great!!!

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i finally found it!

Christmas spirit.

it wasn’t in the gifts…or under the tree.

it wasn’t in my niece literally freaking out when she opened the gifts i got her – although i gotta say the joy in that little girl didn’t hurt.
it wasn’t about the monetary value of everything i was given – although i was spoiled rotten this year.

i guess i had always looked in those places for some sort of fulfilment.
but it was always anti climactic.  there has always been such a build up to the one day…so much rushing around…so much money to be spent, for literally minutes of gratification.
it’s always been a let down.
not that it wasn’t nice…because Christmas has always been “nice”.  just not as amazingly awesome as people build it up to be.

no, i never really found the Christmas spirit.

but i did this year.

i found it in my family…both blood, and the family i have created.
i found it around the dinner table – gathered around so many people i love…and that love me.
i found it in the conversation, in my fathers eyes…my mothers smile.
in the strangers we welcomed with open arms to our home.
i found it in all the children…all the new additions to my family –  blood and my own.

i found it when my niece jumped on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck and said “auntie bee, i love you so much…you are my best friend”
long after the gifts had been unwrapped.
i found it in my nephews smile the moment he laid his eyes on me…reaching out for me to hold him
i found it when my niece only wanted me to take her potty…and kissed me and said thank you.
i found it in the card she signed all by herself.

i found Christmas spirit when i cooked dinner tonight.  sure, the turkey was already made…but i made the rest of it  and i felt great doing so.
sitting in love – enjoying this time…because this is a memory…a moment i can look back on and smile…and remember the overwhelming love i felt in that very moment – 20 years later.

i didn’t count carbs, calories, obsess about when i would find time to go to the gym.
i didn’t care that all the food i have consumed over these past weeks would result in junk in my trunk, and make my clothes snug.

i learned this year, the spirit of the season.
it’s about the people who surround you…it’s about the people that love you…and that you love.

none of these people care about the size of my waist, or the calories i count.  they care about me.  just me.  and what a wonderful feeling that is.

this year i felt a sense of peace that i have never felt before.  a feeling of such extreme love for those in my life, i could never write down in words.
it’s just unexplainable.
i am at a loss for words…and that’s ok.  because this feeling inside me – is not for me to explain…it’s for me to enjoy and appreciate.
i am such a very lucky girl.  it amazes me how lucky i really am.

this my friends is Christmas spirit.

the Christmas joy continues…the next few days will no doubt be equally amazing.

for once in my life…i can honestly say, i love Christmas.
and it had nothing to do with the presents under the tree.

it’s about love.  true honest love.
how simple is that???
how did i not get that?

tomorrow i travel a couple of hours to see my best friend – an extension of my already crazy big family.
i can’t wait.

i hope your Christmas was beautiful as mine.
it just keeps getting better.

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it’s all about me

today was a perfect Sunday – i made it all about me.

I may regret that as the week goes on, but i needed a day that didn’t involve cooking or house cleaning, laundry and sweating my butt off at the gym (although the latter has been at the bottom of my priority list as of late)
there was no way i was going to attempt Christmas shopping – i did that yesterday and ended up in a foul mood.  not even 15 minutes into my shopping i was telling off a lady.  who needs to be that angry?
anyways – that’s a blog for another day and another place.
i will get the rest of my presents when my vacation begins.

the day began with a much needed sleep in – all the critters pretty much allowed me a decent sleep.  that never happens.

so the day started off with brunch.  considering it was well into the afternoon and i hadn’t had anything to eat – of course the whole menu looked amazing.  do you know that this place makes smores pancakes???????
the fat girl in me begged for me to order those…until of course she saw the BLT with sweet potato fries.  i swear she drooled.

the skinny bitch in me took over – how she got control over the situation is beyond me….

anyways, for brunch today i had 7 grain pancakes with flax seed – and sugar free maple syrup.

i had never had that before – and truth be told i probably never will again.  lol

they were great when they were fresh – but once they got a little cold – it was – well it was…gross.  there is no other word i could use.

but you know what?  if i had the BLT with sweet potato fries – i would have spent the rest of my day feeling guilty and beating myself up.
that doesn’t sound like the best way to spend my all about me day!!

then i went and had a manicure – swoon.
this time a guy did it.  the hand massage felt “weird” – i’ve never had a man give me a manicure before.
he was tough and aggressive…no other way to explain.  his hands were rough and “manly”
i am used to a woman giving me my manicures – it was odd but he did an amazing job

the rest of the day was low key – connected with a few people and had a late afternoon nap.

now… what to have for dinner??

i think  a hot bubble bath is in order 🙂

i was debating going out for a few drinks – but that’s undecided.  maybe i will, maybe i won’t.
the point is – it’s all about me…and i’ll do whatever i want.

back to the real, cruel world tomorrow!

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