i am sure you have heard it said before
“the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”
that’s me
that’s my life
and i think that i finally get it. (that’s still to be determined tho)
when i actually wrote on this blog
i was in the best shape of my life
i felt the best i ever have
but i wasn’t completely honest either
i was exhausted.
i dreaded working out
not all the time. but almost all the time
eventually i lost my way
the working out stopped
and so did the healthy eating
all my hard work for well over a year
was gone in a couple of months
my attitude in life is
go big or go home
and so when i am on a health kick
i am on it
when i fall…
i don’t just fall
i crash and burn
eat what i want…which is always the very thing i shouldn’t be eating
it’s a vicious cycle
last night i was so depressed with myself
my weight
my lack of physical activity
i am eating well…but it is very clear to me that i need exercise in my life
and it dawned on me today
why i have been avoiding it like the plague
i can’t just go for a nice half hour walk
no
a walk for me is a good 10k
5k feels like a failure
i cannot do cardio for 20-25 min if i have a busy day
what’s the point?
i need an hour – an hour and a half
or i feel like i did nothing
i read that and i shake my head
no wonder i’ve been dreading exercise
what’s wrong with starting off with say a 3k walk?
or doing a 20 min work out?
i think i hated working out
because it always took me so long
and i worked my body so hard
although it felt damn good after
it was just not something i could do (physically and emotionally) on a daily basis
so i made a deal with myself this time around
i’d start off slow
and it would be my little secret
i am not training for the iron man
i am not an athlete
i am doing this to feel good about myself
and to be in good shape
for the long haul
that message got lost on me somewhere along the way
i need a life i can keep up with
everything else in life can be hard
this taking care of me thing
well
it shouldn’t be