Tag Archives: fitness

body dysmorphia

i’m pretty sure i struggle with this.

i am sure alot of people do.

i decided to change my life (for the 10th millionth time) last August.
i was struggling with what i saw in the mirror every day.
although i was working out and eating relatively healthy…i just wasn’t consistent
i would fall off the wagon and jump back on
over and over and over.

finally something snapped inside of me
and i needed to change

it started with me buying a program from beachbody that terrified me
and committing myself to finish it.
i am no stranger to their programs – but this one was tough
and i was going to do it.
21 day fix – 3 weeks to a better you. it comes with a meal plan and portion control containers
this was my first time swaying from my low carb lifestyle and doing exercises that beyond challenged me
i still to this day will swear at Autumn (the instructor) as i’m pushing myself

i am happy to say i DID complete it. more than once.
I am currently on my 7th round. SEVENTH!
i did a couple of other programs in between
but apparently this is my go to.

this is where the mind plays tricks on you.

i have been consistent for 11 months
i work out 6 days a week.
my diet is 80-90% clean (i have the occasional cheat meal – i AM human)
i needed 3 weeks off for an injury i sustained from working out
and then i took a month off from coming down with the most horrible flu of my life
but other than that – i’ve been on track.

i never weigh myself
but i did measure
as of January 7th i lost a total of 22.75 inches off my whole body!
and i haven’t measured since
my clothes are fitting much looser – and some things from last year are just too big to wear
depending on where i shop – i am down 1-2 sizes
and according to Victoria’s Secret, i am down two cup sizes (to some people’s disappointment lol)
i take pictures to see progress…

and i see it. but i definitely don’t register it.

i see the me i was last august – if not bigger

and even though it makes absolutely zero sense
that is exactly how i feel

i feel like i have made no progress
no matter how my clothes fit – or what pictures tell me

it makes me want to give up
makes me want to quit

but what will that do for me?

just make me even more miserable than i already am

i feel good. i feel healthier. i have alot more energy
i love the way i eat…and even though alot of times i dread working out
i never regret a work out

i ordered a dress on line a few weeks ago
i never buy clothes on line
anyway it came the other day. i just looked at it and thought no freaking way am i getting my body in to this
i threw it aside and never even bothered
i called it the barbie doll dress – because i am sure it wasn’t designed to fit a human body

last night i tried it on
honestly – just to see how funny i would look in it
get a few laughs

it fit – it fit nicely
and my jaw dropped

form fitting – tiny – sexy even

and it fit

not sure why i’m shocked – since i work my ass off every single day

but this is where i am at
feeling uncomfortable in my skin – even though the results are there

next week i have to go bikini shopping

i’m going to need someone to talk me off the ledge
and keep me away from all the comfort food i’m going to want to devour

it’s a struggle
but i’m trying

wordpress counter

and so it begins

it’s going to be a hot one today
i could feel the stickiness in the air at 6:30 this morning.

it’s going to feel like 30 degrees…for my American peeps….we are hitting a balmy 86 today.

i’m not complaining.
ok maybe i am a little bit.

this is the first HOT day.

and you know what today is?
gym day.
and Friday the 13th – if you believe in that sort of thing.

I’m not even at the gym yet and i am already panicking.

i am a trooper.  i am gonna give it a go.

if i pass out i am sure someone will scrape me off of the floor right?

i was thinking that maybe in the summer…i can go to the gym later…
it is open until midnight – so it is possible.
but honestly?  i think if i were to settle in…there is no way i could get up and go to the gym.
i just don’t think that would work
there are always the mornings lol – yeah ok – now i’m just being silly 🙂

Happy Friday everyone.  Hope you have an awesome weekend…i know i will!

ohhhh….i forgot to mention…talking about happy weekends and all.  i was listening to the radio this morning…and could not believe what i was hearing.  if you were tuned in to 99.9 this morning you know exactly what i’m talking about!

you need to listen to this.  talk about busted!!!  Rick will not be getting a date anytime soon.  wow…click here to see what i’m talking about!!

wordpress counter

Site Meter

spring fever

What a gorgeous weekend!

I can’t tell you how amazing it felt to get out there in flip flops this weekend!!!

I love me some spring!!

So what better thing to do on a beautiful spring day but go to open houses??

It’s that familiar itch I get ever year.  Starting new, fresh, starting over.

Wouldn’t a new home be the way to go?

This one place I saw…I fell in love with.


Not only were the homes beautiful, you got a complete sense of community there.

Like everyone in the neighbourhood looked out for eachother etc.

It felt safe…it felt right.

Not only that….

Get this.

As most places go…there is an on site gym for anyone in that community to use.

An outdoor pool…

A squash court, tennis court…

I was told that this was a very active community…people were fitness freaks.

All about health and well being.

Helloooooo….where do I sign???!!!

Right across the street there is a Premier Fitness….


Get this….

If you walk up the path, you get to the lake.

Around the lake are various work out machines…that you can use.

Can you imagine?????

Taking a stroll up to the lake…to work out??

Imagine the view…the fresh air.

Spring is in the air…and I’m itching something fierce.

Can you imagine moving into a home where you have 3 different places you can go get your work out done?

Never mind all the trails you can go walking and hiking!

This is the place to be.

Perhaps it needs to be mine.

wordpress counter

Site Meter

the first day of cool

yes…today is my first day at the gym.
my first day of my new “cool”

my work out clothes are neatly folded on my dresser, waiting for me when the work day is done.
my runners are dusted off…they have only been used…a little…cause well they look good with my jeans on dress down day.
i’ve tried to memorize the three digits on the lock  i just bought…you’d think i would remember it…alas…old age has taken over

so i am ready and nervous and scared and excited and…and…and
oh god i’m gonna hurl.

it’s like the first day of school…but i am sooo much cooler now lol
hard to believe I KNOW!!!

in my late teens and early to mid twenties
the cool thing to do was to go to clubs and party all night long
drink the boys under the table
and sleep all day…and then do it all over the next

for my prom…all i had to do to lose a dress size
was twitch my nose and voila
a size two was born.
you know why?
cause i was cool

i look at dessert and i gain 5 pounds.
the thought of going to a club and keepin’ up with the boys makes me sleepy..and anxious
and two glasses of wine is over my limit (ok i thought about it…i can do more than 2 glasses hello) and it takes me three times as long to recover.

sure…you young bucks reading this must think i am so lame
but haven’t you heard?
that the bird is the word?
i mean…the new cool is the gym.
seriously…look it up!

i have finally figured out in my old age
that eating healthy + working out…

so wish me luck…and hope i fit in with the cool kids…
who am i kidding…they’ll looooove me!
(And yessss…that pic i posted could be me!)

and as for my post from yesterday?
about my boobies?
my bra pusher sent me another picture.  2 bras are on their way to me. 85% off
god help me
she knows my drug.  she feeds my drug
i love her.

and for more unrelated bee news
did you know i have a myspace account?
cause i sure as hell forgot i did.  lol.  i rediscovered it last night.
oh…mind, why do you fail me so?

wordpress counter

Site Meter

gone and done it

it’s true.
i am now officially a member of the gym!
my friend and i went in to meet with the owner of the gym on Sunday.
we got the full tour and i must say i was impressed.
let me remind you that i was a member of this gym for TWO years.
In that 2 years i did not step foot in there once.  not once.
they were in the process of building the gym, and i bought my membership before it opened…with good intentions.
i did not go once.
ugh, what a waste of money!
So…i am gonna do it kids!!
the best part of this is the classes they offer – and they are included in the membership.
they have yoga, zumba, pilates, body training, spinning…and so much more.
they even have hot yoga!  (only the first class is free…after that it’s 10 dollars every 2 weeks if you want to do it)
So Thursday we have a one hour consultation with a personal trainer and then a one hour consult with a nutritionist
i could not be more excited!!!
what a change in mind set!  wasn’t it just a couple of months ago i wrote all about not ever joining a gym?
i think i have finally realized my limitations working out at home.  Not that i don’t love Turbo Jam…because i do.
it’s done wonders for me…my body…my health…and of course has contributed to my weight loss – big time.  i think more so than my diet.
but i am at a point where i need to take things up a notch.  i need to incorporate weights, do different work outs…
get ripped!!
my goal is to rock a bikini this summer.  and i mean rock it – i so did not rock the bikini on my vacation looking back lol
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic on the Greek islands completely naked.
so when the personal trainer asks me what my goals are…that’s what i will tell her
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic naked 🙂
it’s different this time.  i think i know better the value of my money.
I am not going to waste my money, but take full advantage of it.
(by the way it’s cheaper this time around then it was when i was a member years ago)
so i have goals…and the gym will help me be successful.
i am so excited i could pee!!!
and now the fun part
i am going shopping.
getting my work out outfits
as i’ve said before i work out in my skivvies at home…i am sure people at the gym wouldn’t appreciate that
or would they?
no lululemon for me…yet. 
i mean i love their stuff…but it’s way over priced…and i hate hate hate that people buy those clothes for the look…and not for the work out
these clothes are designed for you to work out in
not to prance around the city thinking you look fine
wow – i went off on a rant didn’t i lol
so yeah, clothes shopping tonight.
i am sooooo excited!!!

wordpress counterAnd on to some completely unrelated news – cause i gotta be me…
I finally got the new Adele cd…
I put it on while driving to work…and ended up sitting in the parking lot at work unable to get out of my car, because my ears could not get enough of this album. 15 minutes later and i forced myself to turn it off.
get thee to a store and buy it NOW. (sorry didn’t mean to be so demanding)

Site Meter

so many levels of wrong it ain’t funny

warning – if you get easily offended, perhaps this is not the blog for you…

If you are a friend of mine on facebook….you pretty much know what this blog is about.

For all my non facebook friends…let me share with you a little story.

If you are familiar with WordPress…there is a page that shows your “stats”
Nothing high-tech, it just shows you what links people have clicked to get to your site, or the search words people use in a search engine.  no ip or city/state tracking but you get the jist.

I am always curious what search terms are used to find my blog.  Nothing out of the ordinary has really struck me.  some funny things perhaps but nothing crazy like.

except for yesterday.

Someone found my blog by typing into a search engine…are you ready for this?  seriously…if you get offended easily…exit now!!!

they searched for….”put it in my butt”


Apparently this search term has lead them here…you know to my health and fitness blog.

So after a kick ass work out…and a lovely dinner…i sat in front of my computer and did something i never thought i would do in a million years.

I typed 5 words in to google…when strung together, create a phrase that i never once have considered googling…ever.
So i type in “put it in my butt” and hit enter
holding my breath

i scroll down the first page, and nothing….second page…nothing…etc etc etc.

I decide to click on the blog search on google…and to my dismay…my blog does show up.
Like 3 or 4 down.

Apparently, my Nike poster about “my butt is big” can also be of reading interest to people who want to put things in their butt.

How utterly embarrassing – for them.

I am sure my blog was not really of any interest to the person…but i really hope they found what they were looking for
Or do i?

…although they did the search twice.  Maybe my Nike poster did something for ’em.

I am way to visual of a person to carry on.
As you were.

Site Meter