Tag Archives: fat

conversations with myself

an important public service announcement from my brain.
(and a warning that the boys might not want to read this lol)

when you are feeling like a cow…
like you just gained 20 pounds over night…
when you are bloated and cranky and sore and feel like every mirror you look in belongs in the circus…
when you are aware that at least one day a month you feel like this…
where the first day of that time of the month turns you into someone you don’t recognize

please…please don’t wear something form fitting when you go to the gym.
for the love of god woman!
it’s like you have a death wish or something!
you know the tragedy that ensues.  believing every single person is looking at you and laughing…’cause how can something so hideous show it’s face in public???

considering all the walls are covered in mirrors…how on Earth did you ever expect to feel super sexy hot?

it’s the gym honey.  you are not supposed to look hot.  it’s your hormones playing tricks with your mind…although…yeah you are a little bloated 🙂
(but still super sexy)

chill out.  this happens every.single.month.
i am left here talking you off a ledge…and it’s starting to get old.
oy vay.

and no dear bee…mother nature is not a man – although i can see why you may think that.

so are we good?  you ok now?

~ until next month

your brain

wordpress counter

Site Meter

deep thoughts by bee

those of you that read the blog next door know probably three things about me.
one – i am pretty random
two – i’m pretty deep
three – my heart is pretty much an open book.

if you are a regular reader of this blog…you probably just know that i am random 🙂
today i am hopped up with energy…and perhaps a little deep…we shall see where this goes!
could be scary.

it’s been raining over here non stop for about 3 days.  i love my rainy days…but c’mon….enough is enough!
rainy days are for making love…staying in bed…or going to the gym apparently.

please note that the third option has only recently become an option lol

going to the gym has given me a lot of free time in my head.  i swear i come up with so many answers and conclusions in my mind…it even fascinates me!  my bath tub used to be the place where i solved the worlds problems…but now it seems that the gym’s the place to be!

there are only a hand full of things you can do while you are kicking butt on an elliptical.
you can watch yourself sweating and breathing heavy in the mirror. (i do not recommend this option)
you can watch TV with no sound
or… you can people watch.

i am a total people watcher.  people fascinate me.
even more so at the gym.

you’ve got the hard core people.  they are there to get their work out in…these people are serious and leave you alone.  i love these people.  and their bodies are like pieces of fine art.  these people are my eye candy.

then there are the people that you just know have body issues.  it’s kind of sad to actually watch.
there is a woman i see regularly, who probably does a half hour at the crunch machine alone.  she probably weighs 80 pounds soaking wet. She does the crunch machine and then runs to the scale to weigh herself.  she then gets on her cardio machine of choice…does about 15 minutes and then runs over to the scale to weigh herself.
this…this just makes me sad.

then you got the social circle.  you know…the girls that come to the gym looking perfect. water bottle in hand, towel over their shoulder…make up perfect.
they are either found in the corner of the room talking away…or better yet, sitting on machines gabbing away…with no intentions of actually using said machines.

and this is the one that gets me.  the women who carry their cell phones with them.
don’t get me wrong.  i understand that some have to…perhaps they have children or are waiting for a very important call…i get that
but what about the texting and working out.  you know…stopping in the middle of a set to text someone.
or being in the middle of a work out and answering a call…so you stop working out…to take the call???
can’t the phones just be put away for an hour or so people?

the best was yesterday.  as i am slowly dying on the elliptical…the woman beside me is on a social call.
talking away for about 20 of the 30 minutes i was on the machine.
how is that possible?
i need both hands available at all times…in case my body decides to collapse from sheer exhaustion!
also, if i were on the phone…while working out…the person on the other end might think they were talking to some sex hot line with all the heavy breathing going on.
so i ask.  how much did that woman get out of her work out???

and just a shout out to the spunky older woman i see at the gym often.
yes, it’s true.  i was fixated on your ass.
i am sure you could feel my eyes burning a hole through your pants.
to clarify – it was not because i wanted to look at your ass…but because you made me.
i get that you are spunky, and seem really nice and funny…and you always smile and say hello to me.
but there is just something so very wrong for ANYONE to be wearing pants that say “Hot Lips” on the ass…but on someone over 60…well…too much and too far.
i felt like shouting out “my eyes!!!  my eyes!!!!!”

the joys of people watching!!

but the best times are when i am alone in my head, working out…and i get sucked into a time travel vortex.
the times i have awe inspiring a-ha moments and see how i’ve grown.
realizing that the path i chose for myself was the only path for me.
that losing people and things that i thought i could never live without, are people and things i could never live with.
that my heart is whole, and my soul is happy.
that i have come a long way baby in the past year and a bit.
that i am worthy of having respect and love in my life and will never again settle for anything less.
all these life lessons that go on in my head.
i thank everyone who has been in my life at some point, the good the bad, and the ugly…for helping me become who i am today.
couldn’t have done it without the pain, or without the pleasure.

see now i am just getting deep.  I’ll save it for next door.

happy Friday everyone…have an awesome weekend!!!

wordpress counter

Site Meter

a sordid love affair

i saw her from across the room…
and i swear it was love at first sight.
i couldn’t take my eyes off of her…she had to be the most beautiful thing i have seen in forever.
all of a sudden i was filled with a hot desire…i wanted her to be mine…all mine.
i knew it was wrong – these feelings.
but i couldn’t help myself.  i just had no fight in me.  she had to be mine and damn the consequences!
she was there, teasing me with her good looks.  tall and slender, she knew exactly what she was doing.
i have never known temptation so strong.  she was on my mind 24/7.
it would be wrong to give in…so very wrong.
but it would feel so right.
how could you not fall in love with this vision of complete beauty?  and she is mine…alllllll mine!

wordpress counter

Site Meter

365 days – a year revisited

the number to the left is significant to me for several reasons.
one – it is my favourite number.  two – it is the day that i was born, and the third,
this is the amount of weight in pounds i have lost in the past 365 days.
18 pounds might not sound like anything much, but for me…it’s a lot.
and really this is about the journey.  what brought me right here.

the actual anniversary of my biggest life change is tomorrow.
but since i started this on a Monday…i thought it appropriate to reminisce today.

last year at this time…i made a life altering decision.  sure, initially i was forced into it…but it was the best push of my life.

last year at this time…i was tired.  I was so tired with the direction my life took, the decisions i was making, the people that i kept in my circle. tired of being sick.
i had had enough of everything that was negative and toxic in my life.  everything.
i was tired of crying all the time…feeling poorly about myself.  honestly…i felt so damn worthless.
all that toxicity was making me sad, depressed and very unhealthy.
i used food to make me feel better…and all it did was make me feel worse.

last year this time i remember sitting here…exactly where i sit now
a shell.
a total mess if i must be honest with you.
i hated the person i greeted in the mirror every single day.  and no it wasn’t just about the weight…it was about me.
everything i had become.
a person i didn’t like at all.

and there in that very moment began the letting go.
i did some major house cleaning.  i knew that i was better than the person i was representing.
better than everything i allowed in my life.
and so the letting go began.  in every single aspect of my life.
the fridge was immediately cleaned out.  anything and everything toxic was thrown away. all the toxic food was replaced with healthy, whole foods.
friendships were terminated…immediately.  although some had been over for some time…they took up residence in my head…and so phone numbers, old emails…all contact information to old toxic ghosts were also deleted.
i am not kidding when i say that within moments…i felt a shift within myself.

i was like a woman on fire.  i took everything so seriously.
my health was my top priority.

when i started to notice slight physical differences…i also noticed a shift in my mental health.
i was happier, i smiled more, had more energy, i started to love my life again, and in turn loved the people who were in it like they deserved to be loved.
everything seemed to go hand in hand.

when i finally introduced working out into my life…that is when the major differences started to show.
the shape of my body changed…my energy level was out of control…
and the rush i get from a good work out is still indescribable.

it was like i found a top secret happy combination…and there was no way i was letting it go.

not that it was always easy…because it wasn’t.  there were times i wasn’t happy with my results…how slow the changes seemed to be coming. i just wanted to give up.  i cannot tell you how vital my friendships, both in real life and in the blogging world were and still are to my successes.
each and everyone of you know who you are…and i thank you from the bottom of my itty bitty heart.

i don’t know how many inches I’ve lost…
but i am not afraid to tell you what size i used to be and the size i am now.

i went from a muffin top size 4  (really a size six) pants…and i am now a curvy size zero.
i went from a medium blouse to an extra small blouse.

my work out pants are an extra small.

i am 3 pounds away from my goal weight!!

i have attached a picture of my transformation…just to show people…before they feel the need to attack my size…that i am a healthy girl.
that sometimes when you are small boned…just tiny in stature…that a size zero is normal.
so please…i ask for no negative comments.  not today.
today is my day.

the first picture was taken 3 months in to my new lifestyle, when i took my solo trip to another country.  at this point i had already started working out and lost a bulk of my weight.  knowing that…i kinda cringe when i look at that picture.  i thought i was looking pretty damn good at that point…lol
my father god bless him –  loves this picture.  he likes me with a little chunk.
anyways…the only other before pic i really have was taken in my bra and underwear…and i would never have the guts to post that publicly anywhere..so the first picture will have to do.
so..take a look.  i think at least 15 of the pounds i lost were all boobie! lol

Since you have all been faithfully by my side through my journey this far…i want to share my results with you.
thank you for walking with me…i am so blessed to have met so many wonderful people through this blog.

As i type this blog out, the song “About Love” by Alicia Keys keeps playing in my head.


Happy Anniversary to me 🙂

wordpress counter

Site Meter


i am in serious need of a good ol’ fashioned detox.

i am back to my world…and thankful to be here…if anything, just for the sense of normalcy i have been lacking.
I know i’ve said it a million times but the older i get, the more i crave my routine.

it will be a year on Monday that i’ve been low carbing…this last week being the biggest exception.

i think i will celebrate it with a big ass salad and a huge workout – god that sounds wonderful.

but maybe, just maybe…i will end the weekend with some ice cream


wordpress counter

Site Meter

Portion control?

What is portion control?
I’ve gotta say that the Canadian definition is pretty clear.
I don’t travel often but when I do it always amazes me how HUGE portions are in the States.
My American peeps even agree with me.

People have commented on how little I eat and it makes me laugh. Generally this comment comes while I am on my second plate of the buffet.

You would think I would be used to this but alas I am not.

I have been eating quite poorly… Or quite amazingly depending on which way you look at it. I have half a pound of vanilla peanut butter fudge sitting in my purse as I sip my wine on the patio.

This blog is brought to you by my new iPhone btw 🙂

I am sun kissed and tired and full. All I feel like I am doing is eating… And so this week is a complete write off…diet wise.

I mean I went to a restaurant last night, it was Mexican/Salvadorian cuisine. It was amazing!  But tell me who needs to eat 3 enchiladas, and then have beans and rice, never mind the chips and salsa you get at the beginning of the night???
I would go on a hunger strike if I didn’t love food so much!

I guess all this Canadian girl can do is finish her glass of red, breathe in the summer air… And instead of complaining about being properly fed is tell you that I have been blessed in more ways than I ever though possible.

If he bikini fits, this girl is swimming tomorrow. That’s a promise.

Tonight I pigged out on a salad bar. Can’t feel too guilty about that now can I!

hope you guys are as content as i am.

wordpress counter

Site Meter

turbo pants

i was going to blog about my night last night
but then heard about these pants on the radio
and well…the pants totally trumped what i was going to talk about.
have you heard of these pants?
they are called Turbo Pants.
there are a couple of pictures of these on the link i am posting at the end.
apparently these pants are made with 3 layers…i believe 2 of them being cotton and one rubber.
anyways these pants promote weight loss…and have been a huge success in Europe.
from what i understand, these pants are skin tight.  even putting them on makes you look 2 inches smaller.
talk about skinny jeans doing their job.
these pants apparently cause you to lose weight.
well as they said on the radio…they promote “fluid leakage”
these pants are so tight and multi layered that of course you are gonna lose fluid…you’ll be sweating in them all day.
they also say these pants will massage your skin and so in turn they will reduce cellulite.
its soft cotton feels good on your skin.
you can wear these anywhere.  you can work out in them…wear them in the office…
you can wear them for 8 hours straight.  but i ask…can you breathe in them???
seriously…who would want to wear them????  can you imagine sitting in your own “fluid leakage”?  sweating in places you would rather not sweat?
ugh…i am so grossed out.
they also recommend that you wash these pants after every use.
you think???
the one pair i saw, retailed at about 250 bucks…craaaaaazy.
and i am sure that alot of people will buy into this weight loss gimmick.
people!!!!!  weight loss doesn’t just happen.  have you not figured this out already?
how many people do you think will buy these pants and eat a crap load of junk and pray for a miracle??
smarten up people!!
take your 250 bucks and join the gym!
give me my sweat pants…and let me go work out…i prefer to leak my fluids that way.
not sit in my own juices for 8 hours.
i am completely grossed out.
if you want to read more about it….click here.

Site Meter

wordpress counter

no worries

i’m still alive 🙂

i am finally in my jammies after two extremely long, hectic, crazy days.

i am barely alert…so i dunno what you should expect from me.

two days of not being “here”… i thank those that sent me messages.  all is well…i have just been insanely busy.

being out of my element proved to be a struggle and extremely joyful.

socially i couldn’t have asked for better people to spend my time with….
but i was on someone elses clock, and had to fly by the seat of my pants…

which meant food was a huge issue.

food was made, and as a guest…it would have been rude to make a special request
and so i sucked it up and tried to be as “good” as i could be.
it was slim pickins.

so there was the food, that i really shouldn’t be eating….coupled with the fact that there was no gym
well…the guilt was pretty huge.


i mean i wasn’t stagnant by any means…but i was so completely off my own routine, my own kitchen, my own element
it was a marriage of so many different emotions….i just didn’t know how to deal with it all.

life happens….and it was great these past two days.
my cheeks still hurt from laughing…and my feet so sore from all the walking.

and so now…i guess i just suck it up…and accept it for what it is.
it’s just the way life goes sometimes.

i’ll get over it…and this glass of wine is sure helping.

i am off to get a well deserved good nights sleep…because the next two weeks will be equally insane, if not worse.
oy vay.

and how have all of you lovelies been?

wordpress counter

Site Meter

good god

oy vay

i blogged some time ago about my favourite eat at McDonald’s…
it’s the Southwest Salad and a large diet coke.
seriously that is like Christmas for me.

usually one night after the gym i will get that for dinner.
i think why not – it’s a salad right?
how bad can it be??

you wanna know how bad it can be?  just download the nutritional information from McDonald’s…see for yourself.
oh lord.
i don’t know what inspired me to do something that stupid.

i would have much preferred never knowing…and carrying on in my own little bubble.

ugh..what am i to do now?

and really…how dumb do i feel believing even fast food places have relatively healthy things on the menu????

i am hooked on these salads…how do i just stop??

wordpress counter

Site Meter


i find it really funny…

that while i am on the elliptical at the gym, working my butt off to burn calories

that the tv to the left of me is showing the new show “Heavy”, and the tv to the right of me is on the Food Network

oh the irony!

wordpress counter

Site Meter