Tag Archives: fat

long overdue update

as you can see, i haven’t had anything to write about in a very long time.

actually that’s a big fat lie.  i’ve had a ton to write about, but nothing losingbee related.

i am not a losing bee
i am a gaining bee
and it sucks

let me fill you in since the last post.

pull up a chair, i have a feeling this is going to be a long one.

last i wrote, i had rediscovered my love for running

and then the shin splints happened, and suddenly my love turned into horrible fear.

i would run until i was in so much pain i couldn’t handle it anymore.

i would be far from home and hardly able to walk…i don’t know how i made it home sometimes.

so i bought a pair of extremely expensive runners and insoles…and was ready to try.

i got to go for a run once or twice and my shins felt a little bit better…and then life happened.

i got super busy (and stressed) packing up the last 20 years of my life and moving.

running could wait until that was done.

somehow, during this move…i lost a box of shoes.  all fairly brand new pairs of shoes…one pair being my super expensive runners (and my wii.  where the hell did my wii go?)

granted, i didn’t know it at the time

because then this happened:

foot 2

the cider was just for show 😉

i managed to sprain my ankle.  badly.
i went to urgent care, and they sent me to emergency

they wouldn’t xray it, saying it was just a really bad sprain

fast forward to today…over 4 months later…and it still hurts and it still gets swollen and even walking a fair distance is hard.

me thinks i should go get it checked out again.

then i started taking some meds
three different kinds…

and all of these meds came with horrible side effects.

nausea, head spins, exhaustion, dry mouth, moodiness (x1000) and the worst one?
weight gain.

some may argue that moodiness was the worst side effect and my bodacious ta ta’s were the bonus

i would disagree.

then add to this the fact that i quit smoking.  it’s been 54 days, 14 hours, 59 minutes and 56 seconds (but really whose counting)

so just imagine.  moodiness and quitting smoking

i must be a JOY to be around.

and then there is that amazing cycle so many of us are familiar with.

you feel like crap, you feel like crap for gaining weight, so you eat crap food and then feel even more crappy cause you feel like crap

lather rinse repeat.

i had to go out and buy new clothes.  i am up a size.

and it makes me feel like crap.

i have entered a very new and important chapter in my life.

unhealthy isn’t an option.

so.

i started again.

for the past week, my eating has been super clean and i have been going for walks.
my ankle isn’t enjoying it at all
but maybe it will get stronger as i get stronger

and hopefully thinner

being on these meds tho…i am not sure if weight loss will happen
but it doesn’t hurt to try.

and besides…eating healthy is never a bad thing.

so that’s my news

what’s new with you?

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pinterest for the insomniac

i can’t sleep…so what’s a girl to do?

blog but of course.

i spent the whole day in my jammies, eating chinese food, watching girly movies and drinking french beer.  can life get any better than that? i don’t think so!
i am taking advantage of my vacation – before real life begins again.

So in my wide awake state, i was on pinterest and found this poster – and well…i had to share.  i am sure each and every one of you will appreciate this lol

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obese on purpose

How did i not hear about this before???

Have any of you heard of Drew Manning?  me neither, until tonight….i wish i had clued into this guy months ago.

Drew is a personal trainer.  he has been physical/active his whole life.  he has never had that “fat” struggle…that alot of us face at one point or another.
oh and he’s not bad on the eyes i gotta say 🙂

so what Drew decided to do was…to get obese on purpose.
From what i understand…for 6 months he will not engage in any physical activity and eat crap.

his goal was to gain 50-60 pounds.  i believe he is in month 5 and has already gained 70 pounds!  say it with me seven – zero.

he wants to see life through his clients eyes.  he wants to know what they go through on a day to day basis – to understand them better.
after the 6 month weight gain – he will start eating healthy again, working out…and posting on his blog.

a part of me thinks this is freakin’ fantastic!!!!  and another part of me sincerely worries for his health.
for someone so healthy – this is a lot to take on.

i think it’s absolutely awesome that he will be telling the world the foods he will eat and the exercises he will do.
i think for people who can’t afford a personal trainer – this will be so helpful.
we also get to watch him transition back to himself.

the before and after pictures are ridiculous!!  you need to go pay a visit to his blog and see what i am talking about
this guy is craaaaazy – but in a good way!

click here to go to his website

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eating disorder?

do you think a tv advertisement could trigger an eating disorder?

i read an article on yahoo today.  a commercial was pulled from tv because they were worried that it may “trigger” an eating disorder.

i am not too sure how i feel about this.

here is the commercial:

personally…i found it rather amusing.  the way the lady is justifying eating a piece of cheesecake.
don’t we all do that???

i know that if i eat something a little to rich or sweet…something that is not typically on my diet…i have conversations with myself…
if i eat this i need to go to the gym regardless if it’s my day off, if i eat this i need 15 more minutes on the elliptical.
etc etc etc.

i assure you i do not have an eating disorder.

my head is still too jumbled up to be clear on this…so what say you?  what do you think of the commercial?

Here is the article i read on yahoo.  click here to read.

please feel free to discuss!

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oy vay

i had an amazing day.

i got a lot accomplished…but that included eating things that are soooo not on my menu.
you know how it goes.  you feel like you can conquer the world…and anything goes.
i had amazing company…and life felt amazing…so carbs suddenly became ok as a staple on the menu.

ughhh….

i am tortured tonight…and reminded why i do what i do and why i do it.

as awesome as it is to see the pounds melt off of me…and to see my body changing…

i was reminded why i eat the way i do.
i was reminded that it never had a thing to do with being “skinny”.

i am tortured tonight…because i decided today would be the day i would stray from my “diet”

tonight i was reminded that this is NOT a diet…but a way of life…the way that my life needs to be in order to live in accordance to my body and my heart….and my poor belly.

it’s not worth the pain…not worth the back and forth in my head.

sooo not worth this pain that leaves me aching in the fetal position.

sometimes…only sometimes…i wish carbs were not the enemy.

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movin’ on up

i don’t know why i did it this morning.
but i did.
maybe ’cause i woke up in a good mood, from having a good night.  maybe it was all that great inspiration i felt last night.
who knows.
maybe i thought i could handle anything thrown my way…’cause i am wonder woman don’t you know.
all i know is i haven’t done it since January….
and back then it made me feel great…made me feel awesomely amazing.

today not so much.
today it made me feel a little defeated…a little sad
a little pissed right off.

i went on the scale today.
duun dun duuunnnnnn (that’s scary music in case you were wondering)
yep i weighed myself.

I am three pounds heavier than i was in January.
three pounds.

if you feel the need to laugh at me like my lovely friend did… please don’t!
that’s 3 more pounds i have to contend with.

wasn’t it just the other day i mentioned that weight loss was no longer a focus of mine?
pffft
it is now.

i was warned at the gym…well not warned…but i was told that once i started working out with weights i would gain weight…but it would be muscle.
i get that.  i get that it’s a possibility.
i specifically recall my personal trainer asking me if i would be ok seeing the scale move UP because i would be gaining muscle…and i was like “oh yeah, no problem…s’all good”
apparently i am a liar cause this has obviously freaked.me.out.

could it be weight gain because i have been more lenient with the things i eat
ya know…my yogurt…that sinful, tasty sweet and salty popcorn?
is it possible that it’s the forbidden FAT?

i mean honestly…how would you know?  how could you know if it was muscle or fat?

i don’t feel any different. my clothes are not fitting tighter…on most days i feel ok with where i am…unless my hormones are at play.

i told you.  nothing good ever came out of the scale.  i would have been better off living in my own bubble.  my own little world…where scales never existed.

i don’t know why the hell i did that!

this is how i am going to weigh myself from now on!

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smart food

is stupid.

i had another bowl of sweet and salty popcorn.

someone please come here and take the bag away…otherwise i will be at the gym every single day.

oy vay

hormones suck ass.

and smart food is the devil!

 

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note to self

dressing room mirrors will never be your friend

no matter how much weight you’ve lost, or how good you feel…

or the fact that you can fit into junior jeans 😉

dressing room mirrors are the devil.  the devil i tell you

someone fetch me my wine

as you were

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Heavy

have you seen this new show on A&E?

wow – i am completely addicted to this show!!!!

they take 2 very obese people who are ready to change their lives and send them to a facility for 6 months.
They go through counseling, taught how to make better food choices and pretty much go through a boot camp type of exercise regime.

it’s insane!

i watch what they do and think – wow, i have no room to complain or say i am too tired, or to even utter the words, “i can’t do that”!

Last nights show was the season finale.  The guy Chad went in weighing over 500 pounds, and the woman Sallie i believe weighed about 450 pounds.
both were looking for huge changes in their lives.

they tell you their stories, you “meet” their families.  you watch them slowly succeed and it’s just so amazing!!
i don’t know how many times i got all girly like and got teary eyed.

These two completed a triathlon!!!!  Can you imagine?  Sure, they had lost alot of weight at that point, but still…carrying around over 3-4 hundred pounds…swimming, then biking 6 miles and then running 5 miles…that’s INSANE!!!
I could never do that!

People will argue, that these people are sent away for 6 months and thrown in a controlled environment.  of course they will succeed.
that is a half truth.

yes, they are sent away…they are taught all the things they need to know in order to succeed…given the tools to be successful.  they have professionals there to watch them every step of the way.
but they need this!
remember, these are people who don’t even know where to begin when it comes to eating healthy and exercising.
the people who go on the show still need to do the work – no one is working out for them…they are just being taught how to do it…so they can take those tools out in to the real world.
i get so uppity when people think it must be so easy for them…because i can only imagine that this is the hardest thing they ever had to do in their lives!

i believe at the end of the 6 months, they both lost approximately 140 pounds.
Incredible!!!
Also, they give you an update after a few months…and both were still working out, eating healthy and losing weight.

these are such awesome feel good stories it makes my heart want to burst.

there is an update show coming up about other people that were on the show…i cannot wait to tune in to that!

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getting older

i don’t mind getting older
i am actually quite enjoying it!  well, most of it.

if i could just have my 20 year old body and skin again, i would be perfect!!!

the older i get…the more my perception changes.

i see the changes in myself.  although gradual…how do you NOT change as you mature?

i know now, that i wouldn’t have spent a second of my emotions on all the stuff that seemed tragic and dark when i was younger.

i know that i am more than my waist size, and that the colour of my hair is whatever the box says it is.

i know that words like blood pressure and cholesterol and heart disease are more than just words…they are reality as you get older.

enter my doctors appointment yesterday.

i was never called with any results from my physical back in November.  No news is good news right?

well i went to see him yesterday…for a headache i have not been able to shake in 2 weeks…
and i was told that my cholesterol level was the same as the year before.

we both thought for sure, with the weight loss, working out, healthy living stuff…that it would have gone down.  it actually stayed the same.

i don’t know what the number means.  it just started to be part of my life as of last year.
my cholesterol level showed it’s face for the first time last year.
6.4 is the number.  that’s all Greek to me.
it was inevitable…i always knew that.  it’s genetic, and i have a big family…all who seem to have high cholesterol.
so i get my moms hips and my dad’s cholesterol issue.
thanks there universe 🙂

anyways…it’s nothing to panic over.  nothing at all.
he recommended a low fat diet.
blahhhhhhhh
low fat???  what is low fat????
i have been spoiled by my low carb life, i just could not imagine changing the way i eat.
it wouldn’t hurt to look in to it i suppose…but i feel like a kid right now…i wanna stomp my foot, yell NO…and run away.

there is room for improvement…i know this.  sometimes i take advantage of eating low carb and eat things that aren’t the healthiest for me.
i could always cut those things out…

who knew that one day i would have to worry about a number…that’s not on my scale?
not that i am worried…i just want to lower that number.

although…i’ve got “better than normal” blood pressure.
actually, perfect he said.
who knew that would make me feel so happy and relieved???

lol…as i said…i really don’t mind getting older…
but there are just some things i could really do without.

like low fat.

i don’t wanna!!

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