Tag Archives: family

i finally found it!

Christmas spirit.

it wasn’t in the gifts…or under the tree.

it wasn’t in my niece literally freaking out when she opened the gifts i got her – although i gotta say the joy in that little girl didn’t hurt.
it wasn’t about the monetary value of everything i was given – although i was spoiled rotten this year.

i guess i had always looked in those places for some sort of fulfilment.
but it was always anti climactic.  there has always been such a build up to the one day…so much rushing around…so much money to be spent, for literally minutes of gratification.
it’s always been a let down.
not that it wasn’t nice…because Christmas has always been “nice”.  just not as amazingly awesome as people build it up to be.

no, i never really found the Christmas spirit.

but i did this year.

i found it in my family…both blood, and the family i have created.
i found it around the dinner table – gathered around so many people i love…and that love me.
i found it in the conversation, in my fathers eyes…my mothers smile.
in the strangers we welcomed with open arms to our home.
i found it in all the children…all the new additions to my family –  blood and my own.

i found it when my niece jumped on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck and said “auntie bee, i love you so much…you are my best friend”
long after the gifts had been unwrapped.
i found it in my nephews smile the moment he laid his eyes on me…reaching out for me to hold him
i found it when my niece only wanted me to take her potty…and kissed me and said thank you.
i found it in the card she signed all by herself.

i found Christmas spirit when i cooked dinner tonight.  sure, the turkey was already made…but i made the rest of it  and i felt great doing so.
sitting in love – enjoying this time…because this is a memory…a moment i can look back on and smile…and remember the overwhelming love i felt in that very moment – 20 years later.

i didn’t count carbs, calories, obsess about when i would find time to go to the gym.
i didn’t care that all the food i have consumed over these past weeks would result in junk in my trunk, and make my clothes snug.

i learned this year, the spirit of the season.
it’s about the people who surround you…it’s about the people that love you…and that you love.

none of these people care about the size of my waist, or the calories i count.  they care about me.  just me.  and what a wonderful feeling that is.

this year i felt a sense of peace that i have never felt before.  a feeling of such extreme love for those in my life, i could never write down in words.
it’s just unexplainable.
i am at a loss for words…and that’s ok.  because this feeling inside me – is not for me to explain…it’s for me to enjoy and appreciate.
i am such a very lucky girl.  it amazes me how lucky i really am.

this my friends is Christmas spirit.

the Christmas joy continues…the next few days will no doubt be equally amazing.

for once in my life…i can honestly say, i love Christmas.
and it had nothing to do with the presents under the tree.

it’s about love.  true honest love.
how simple is that???
how did i not get that?

tomorrow i travel a couple of hours to see my best friend – an extension of my already crazy big family.
i can’t wait.

i hope your Christmas was beautiful as mine.
it just keeps getting better.

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thursday randoms

it’s a random day and i have random thoughts.
i am feeling more like myself – so really you should expect nothing less

this is day two of no headache.  ok, so yesterday i had a very very mild one
but considering what i have been dealing with lately – that was a piece of cake.
two days of feeling like a brand new woman – like i could conquer the world
i am going to completely take advantage of it – because i am sure it will be back.
it seems when the headache went away – my personality returned.  go figure.

if you read my blog yesterday – you read about my near death experience yes?
ok, ok…so i may be exaggerating just a bit – but seriously…those stairs just about killed me
after the initial shock to my body wore off i thought to myself – “self, you gotta do that again!”
i used to take the stairs every single day.  i don’t know why i stopped…but i am thinking maybe, just maybe i will try it again
it would be great if i could get my diva dog to do it with me – but she’s too good for stairs
i would end up carrying her.  no thanks!

my eating has been remarkable lately.  it feels so good being back on track.  when i am in this mode i always wonder why i ever strayed.
i have much more energy (if i don’t have a bloody headache that is)  and i just feel so much more accomplished.
can you see me patting my back?

if there is no headache tomorrow – i am going to give weights a try at the gym again.  i’ve given up on the weights because honestly – it feels like my brains are gonna pop out.  it’s quite the scary feeling doing weights feeling like that.  it makes me wonder what the hell my brain is going through to be feeling so horrible.
so i’ve only been doing cardio now for a few weeks – i am anxious and nervous about getting back on the weights.  i think my body will be in pain – but it’s a good pain. yeah i am one of those weirdos who like pain.
it’s been a while since i’ve done weights and i feel myself shying away from doing them.
i’ll get over it i am sure.

i’ll leave you with a picture of my beautiful family – well some of my family.  the little critters that have stolen my heart.


see the socks my lil’  dood is wearing?  i bought those for lil’ bee when she was born for her first Halloween.  god how time flies.

have an awesome Thursday – i know i will.  Thursday’s are my favourite!  woohoo

on tonight’s agenda – i am going to make a kick ass dinner – possibly a kick ass cheesecake.  pray that my kitten doesn’t cause me to drink copious amounts of alcohol (i forgot what kittens were like – lord give me strength)
and all my shows are on – and more than likely i shall be writing.
now doesn’t that sound like an amazing evening?

play nice kids!

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i am thankful

i am thankful for so much in my life:

~for the love i have – it is overwhelming and amazing

~for my family – my blood family and the one i have created

~for my friends – for the old and the new

~for my health – i am reminded that my health is a gift and i should never take it for granted

~for my home – it’s not much but it is where i want to be

~for my animals – who make me smile each and every day

~for enough money to eat – even if at times it is poorly

~for my job – which allows me to live the life that i live

~for my words – that i am still able to feel passion for writing

~for my past – it’s made me the strong, beautiful person i am today

~for this community – i have met so many inspirational people – some i call friends

i have…in abundance…everything i need.   i am extremely thankful.  i will try to remember this every single day.  it is so easy to think about the things you don’t have, rather than to be thankful for the things you do.  I have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate today. and even if you don’t – there is never a better time to remember what you are thankful for than right now.

what are you thankful for?

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i’m bee – and i am a clothes whore

i went to the mall last night after work.

i was prepared to spend an obscene amount of money on a very special lady.
that special lady would be my mom.
see, today is her 60th birthday 🙂

my mom deserves the very best things in life
she sacrificed everything for us – to raise us…and now that we are older
it’s time to treat her like the queen that she is.

now, if she had her way…she would have all her kids over
and SHE would make US dinner and do all the clean up.
we have talked her into letting us take her out (which believe it or not was quite the struggle to have her agree)
so we are going to this high end steak house…and treating her to whatever her little heart desires.
(and i can eat on plan without temptation)

anywho…

i knew exactly what store i needed to go to…
and instead of parking close to that store…i parked at the opposite end of the mall.
why?
because i wanted to do a walk through…for myself.

ever since i lost weight – i really enjoy buying clothes.
i mean really enjoy
lol

i have never enjoyed trying on clothes at the store
i am still convinced that the change rooms are equipped with clown mirrors.
after losing the weight, i know my size(s) at my favourite stores sooooo
i can literally walk in…grab what i like…and buy it.
it makes for a very lovely shopping experience.
and a very active credit card.

even shopping for my mom’s birthday….i made it all about me.
go figure.
you know why?
cause i have a problem.  i may need a 12 step.
i am just a total clothes whore.

but i was good…i only walked out with 2 tops.
did i need them?  i say yes – because they are long sleeved and it is Fall…
but really…i probably didn’t need them.
i said no to the pants that were screaming my name
another time…another time.

i also treated myself to some kernels popcorn
it was safer than the laura secord across the way.

sometimes it’s hard being me.

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for those of you asking…

i went to visit my friend, and her baby today.  both baby and mom are doing great!!

here she is, 2 days old and already smiling…she is soo smart! (ok so i am a little biased):

and here we are and i am obviously smitten:

i am so very in love i can’t handle it!!!!!

thanks to all of you who asked about the baby – i have left names out for privacy, i am sure you understand 🙂

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insatiable

i think i have mentioned it here before…
it’s hard to keep track where i say what sometimes…so excuse me if i repeat myself.

i have been so hungry lately.
not your average, i feel like a snack kind of hungry.
i mean stomach growling, feeling faint kind of hungry.
it’s been like this for the past month or so.

i don’t know why my appetite has taken such a drastic turn.
i was at my parents place the other day…and they always make sure they feed me well.
they even purposely make a lot of food so i can take leftovers home.
they feed me so much, often times i think i will blow.
seriously.
i got back from their place and what happened? my stomach was growling, to the point i am sure that my neighbours could hear it.
what is up with me???

so enter this morning.
my stomach was growling before i even got outta bed.
i have never in my life been this insatiable!

i usually keep a stash of goodies in my drawer at work…like peanuts, or something small i can snack on to make it through to lunch.

i opened my drawer this morning…and nadda.  not a nut to be found (other than me of course)
there’s gum but i’m pretty sure that doesn’t count.
there is nothing in that drawer i can eat…
there is a kaleidoscope and origami paper…but c’mon…i ain’t that hungry!

2 more hours until i can feed the monsters in my belly
until then, water it is.

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hello world

just when i thought i couldn’t possibly find any more love in me to give…

just when i thought my heart was full enough

just when i thought my life was full of all the richness and sweetness it could possibly handle

just when i thought, YES!!!!! my life is perfect as is…

full of smiles, joy, happiness,

the universe had to prove me wrong.

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conversation with a 2 year old

let me just give you a little background.

i bought lil’ bee a book about potty training.  she loves it. reads it at least a million times a day.
but she doesn’t want to go potty -she totally gets the concept but doesn’t want to. she’s a stubborn kid, i don’t know where she gets that from 🙂
she will even barter with her mom saying “if you read the book to me on the potty i will go” – so the book gets read and no potty. lol
my girl 🙂

so she called me to tell me allll about her book.

and the conversation went like this…

lil’ bee:  and the ducky doesn’t wear diapers anymore!!!

me: really?  wow!  and what about lil’ bee, is she still wearing diapers??

lil’ bee: a long silence and then – i love you auntie bee (in a mealt your heart kind of way)

me:  i love you too baby.  is lil’ bee still wearing diapers?

lil’ bee: okaaaaaay.  gotta go.  bye auntie bee, love ya, ok bye mwwwaaahhhh

lol – i still don’t know how i didn’t give birth to this child.  she is so me
that was classic me…first a little buttering up to avoid answering an uncomfortable question…and then complete avoidance.
god i love that kid!!!!

people say we look a like but i do not see that at all…but she does have my little personality that’s for sure!!

my brother told me the other day….him and his wife shake their heads sometimes in disbelief…he says he has another bee on his hands
he says it like it’s a tragic thing
pfft…i say he couldn’t be luckier!!!
i am SO proud!

i love my lil’ bee!!!!

i just had to share 🙂

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never too old

to sit on my mom’s lap 🙂


I hope everyone had a wonderful mommy’s day!!

We had a great day of bad, bad food, way too much sun (i got a burn) and lots of love.

Today i am grateful for my mom.  If you still are fortunate enough to have your mommy in your life, hold her a little tighter…today and always.

And now…a little lesson, taught by lil’  bee.

to see some cuteness over load….click here

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matters of the heart

i was looking through some pictures last night.
album after album on the computer…bringing back so many different memories and emotions.

i noticed all of the pictures had 2 things in common
1 – food
2 – love

sometimes i complain that i have too much to do..too many places to be…
but looking back at these pictures, i realize how truly blessed i am.
blessed that i have so many people in my life that love me and want me around
what better feeling is there???

every special occasion is captured on camera. i would say “film” but that’s not really accurate these days 🙂
you have the typical bee pictures of food…and then you have all those other pictures…
people hugging, people smiling…people looking so very happy and completely unaware that they are being photographed
those are my favourite pictures.

i talk alot about food on here…well, because that’s this blogs primary focus
but i don’t think i’ve ever really talked about the way i love.

i’ve said the holidays are all about the food…
but i think i’ve changed my mind.

it’s all about the love.

whether you spend this time with the people you are related to…share the same blood line with
or with the family you have created through time
it’s all about love isn’t it?

sure, the food is part and parcel of the holidays
but i’d like to believe that the food tastes all the sweeter when you are with the ones you love.

how would the holidays feel without it?  without love?
losing those that you love…
i can assure you…the food would just be food…and the special day would be…just another day.

i have so many pictures, hugging those that matter most to me
where you can see the love just pouring out of me.
i am glad i have those.

sometimes i think about losing.
you know…losing someone i love.  i know it’s inevitable, but it’s still such a sad thought in my mind.

so i am grateful.  so very thankful
to be busy, to be overwhelmed, to have so much to do
because that means i am loved.
i am so very loved.

i decided to post this picture.  one of my favourites from the weekend!

this is me and my daddy.
he loves me 🙂
and you can tell by just one look at my face, that i very much love him back.
this was taken one week into his radiation treatment…3 more weeks to go.
we know he will be just fine…but…nothing lasts forever…and it makes you think…down the road…
to places you’d rather not let your mind wander to.

so i choose to make the memories…i choose to make as many awesome, amazing, fantastic memories
so i can always hold on and always remember.
and when i look back at the pictures, my heart will be warm with the love i felt in that very exact moment.

yeah, the food was awesome this weekend
but the love was even better.

i get that you need food to live.
but love?  love is what keeps you alive.

without it…life ain’t worth that much is it.

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