i haven’t been here for a while – i know
but just because i haven’t been writing – doesn’t mean i haven’t been working
i’ve been working my ass off actually
it’s been almost a year since i’ve gotten serious about my health
from January to August i saw very little results
i did some research and realized how important it is to eat the right kinds of food, portion control etc
i changed my low carb lifestyle in August – and i haven’t looked back
going away on a much deserved dream vacation – changed my life
everything inside me shifted
all my perceptions, my sorrows, my stress
it all shifted
and then shit got real
it became about me
self love. self acceptance
what would make me happy?
for once – i was putting myself first
my fitness and diet were number one.
i started joining challenge groups. worked out religiously every day
allowing myself a rest day to restore my muscles
i incorporated weights in to my life
and the transformation was incredible
here is a mini breakdown
in 3 weeks i lost a total of 9.5 inches
4 weeks later another 7.5 inches
3 weeks later i lost another 1.5 inches
10 weeks – 18.5 inches of my body gone!!!
So i recently joined a 30 day challenge group. 30 days of working out.
and what was i doing?
MMA style fighting
it was a challenge that scared me – but excited me
i went from 3 months ago attempting to do a push up and literally falling on my face
to being able to do push ups for a minute straight
and the plank – the dreaded plank. i could only start off modified
now i can do variations and hold it. each one for a minute
the strength that i am building is incredible
and i realized that’s what i want. a strong body. to match my strong will
i want healthy. i want the challenge. i want to better myself every day
enter day 23 of the challenge. this was tough work. the work outs were long and exhausting
i woke up that morning with a sore shoulder – but i pushed play anyway
and then by the evening – the pain i was in was – i cannot even describe
woke up the next morning worse. i couldn’t do my hair – i couldn’t even put my bra on.
even driving hurt
getting dressed was impossible
got up this morning and literally cried. the pain was so intense.
i slept in a bra because i was afraid to face that challenge in the morning
i went to urgent care.
i had xrays and go in for an ultra sound on monday.
she suspects a pulled or torn tendon in my rotator cuff
did i mention that the pain is incredible?
she gave me kick ass pain killers so i could sleep. i haven’t slept in two days
(she actually told me that if i get out of bed for some reason in the middle of the night – to plant both feet on the ground and slowly stand lol)
some anti inflammatories and muscle relaxers
i popped a muscle relaxer as soon as i got home – and it took forever to work
but once it did
my oh my
i went and had a glorious one hour nap with my babies
i feel like wonder woman
so much so i debated going for a run
but the doc said absolutely no exercise until we know what we are dealing with
i looked at her and said…doc – i can’t even put a bra on – i don’t think i’ll be working out
and i always have one
i feel defeated.
i joined a challenge with several people – and had 23 days done. only another 7 to go
and everything has come to a complete stand still
and it makes me feel like a failure
i want to keep moving because i am afraid if i stop
my old self will come through
and not want to start
so maybe i’ll walk
i’ll join the retirees at the mall and do some power walking 🙂
that actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea
now more than ever – my food has to be on point.
i feel defeated – but i am never going back
annnnd – i’ve decided that even though i didn’t finish my challenge – i will still measure myself
see how i did
because i didn’t quit – i was all in
but sometimes life happens
and things get in the way
doesn’t make me any less of a person
my intentions are true
and my goals are real
now that i see it in black and white
nothing about my attitude spells failure or defeat
just a strong, determined woman who may or may not need a lesson in patience 😉