Tag Archives: clothes

suck it up buttercup

when it comes to buying clothes for me – my mom does a pretty amazing job.
she generally has great style, and for some reason always, and i mean always gets me clothes that fit exactly right.
that’s a hard thing to do – buy clothes for someone – at least it is for me…
but as my mom likes to tell me – she gave birth to me – she will always know lol

so – it’s no shock that i got clothes at Christmas.  i do every year.
and every year while i am visiting home – i try the clothes on just to make sure they fit.

not this year.

the clothes stayed in the box they came in with promises to my mom that i would try them on as soon as i got home.

but then there was my road trip – and so i had no time to try them on.

i finally tried them on last night.

i didn’t try them on because i know the devastation i feel when something doesn’t fit right.
i knew that i had gained weight over the holidays and thought it would be the dumbest move ever to try on clothes feeling the way i felt about myself.
that’s just asking for trouble.

bah – and so on they went yesterday.  everything fit!!!  one of the sweaters she got me was actually a little too big for my liking.

but just because they fit – doesn’t mean they fit right.  yes i can do the zipper up on my pants.  yes i can breathe in them…yes yes yes.
but they are a little more snug than they should be.  they are not as comfortable as they should be…
i feel like a piggy in a blanket.

i almost had an emotional breakdown last night – but you really can’t have one of those without any Ben and Jerry’s on hand – or dill pickle chips.
and so i didn’t.

i just sulked – and today i feel panicked.  and this panic has brought out in me a sense of motivation i haven’t seen for some time.

it’s making me plan in my head all the things i MUST do in order to get back to where i was before the holidays.
of course working out 3 hours a night is just not possible – but in my head the plan actually works.
lol

i feel terrible about treating my body the way i did over the holidays.  i feel like all the hard, disciplined work was for nothing.
i feel like if i had some self control, all that work would not have been in vain.

but i also feel the need to tell myself to get over it.  yeah, it sucks – i did it to myself – so deal with it.

so i am going to deal with it – and understand that it may take a month of really hard work to reverse everything i did.

i gotta be patient.  i didn’t gain it over night – i am not going to lose it over night.

someone needs to kick me in the ass when i forget that and feel sorry for myself.

i have a date with the elliptical tonight.  i have a feeling it’s going to kill me

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it makes me mental

i am aware that sizes are different from place to place
but it’s enough to drive me crazy!!
i totally understand how people get complexes…i mean no matter how much i tell myself it doesn’t matter
(because honestly it doesn’t)
sometimes that number on a tag can make a good day turn ugly.

today was my shopping day…and it was a very successful one if i must say.
but the sizing in the stores drove me mental.

i went to one store and picked out my usual size for blouses…and that old familiar gap between my boobs popped out
i was familiar with that when i was bigger.  i had to get bigger blouses to fit my boob area but then the rest of the blouse was too big
funny since i really don’t have a lot of boob anymore (my god i never thought i’d ever say that!!)

i went to another store…and my usual size was almost too big…covering my boobs just nicely thank you.

so then another store i typically buy my pants at didn’t have anything i liked – and my size there has been constant for at least 8 months now

i walk two stores up to another regular shop – and my pant size is one higher than it is at the other store.  (insert scratching head emoticon here)

i bought pants today that claimed to be the same size as the pants i have at home…the ones i tried on last week and were baggy big on me…
go figure.  the same size that instigated this very shopping spree.
sure the pants i bought today are a little roomier..but they are perfect

i’ll be honest.  i would have had a huge panic attack if i took those sizes to heart.
but i am ok with it…only because i know i haven’t grown/gained weight.  all my original clothes that i bought in October still fit me the same way…if not a little looser.

so i scored today…
i think i came away with 6 blouses and 3 pairs of pants and a lovely pair of shoes
yay me!!!
boo credit card lol

oh…and i was gifted with my very first Bench jacket.  i am young and hip kids.
apparently Bench is the clothing to wear lol
the jacket is gorgeous
big love for the new spring jacket!!!
apparently with their logo on my arm…i am instantly cool
(i think it’s me that makes the clothing cool)

so i am happy, but still want a couple of more pieces…but i am in no rush
and as for all those cute summer dresses i wanted?
there were none!!!!

oh well…
i can’t cry about new clothes 🙂

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happy

summer is pretty much officially here
and this my friends makes me very happy
(although today i am wearing pants and a sweater)

i need to live somewhere warm
where it’s spring/summer all year round…cause really…winter just sucks.
pffft.

so with summer comes the closet switch over.
all the heavy stuff gets put away…and all the cute summer clothes i wore last year
come out.

i was really excited about this because i bought a lot of new clothing last year.
i had lost a significant amount of weight and nothing old fit me anymore.

so out came some of my summer clothing…
i put on a pair of my capri’s from last year…

and they are too big.

my clothes that i bought last summer are too big!!!!!
once again i look like a bag lady in my clothing!!!!

yes…i did my happy dance in the living room
bounced around like an idiot for a bit
and then got a little bummed.

i need summer clothes…STAT
which means i am going shopping this weekend
yes…this makes me happy…i mean new clothes always make me happy

but it also means spending money.
money i don’t really have.

i’ve been saving money for the important things you know…
like buying an Ipad for no reason whatsoever….or paying off debt
(you know it would have been the Ipad hands down)
i didn’t budget for a new wardrobe.

baaahh…you only live once.

it impresses me cause the clothes i bought last summer…
specifically the pants – were tight fitting when i bought them
and now i have to keep pulling them up!!!

i think this year i am gonna rock dresses
there are really cute ones out there…and i cannot remember the last time i wore a dress…especially to work… just because.

this is gonna be fun…but man is it gonna be expensive.

bye bye Ipad…it was a great thought while it lasted.
mamma needs clothes.

since i am happy…i leave you with this song…cause it makes me happier lol
click here to feel happy too!

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best.convo.ever

this had to be the best ego boost conversation of the week.  especially on a “fat” day.

walking through Winners and not finding anything i wanted to buy – except for those junior guess jeans…this is the convo that ensued.

i said: oh wow…i realllllly like this blouse.

she said: try it on, it would look good on you.

i tried putting it on over my shirt and the buttons were not even close to meeting…the arms were tight…boobs in the way.

i said: oh yeah this fits perfectly! lol

she said: i’m kinda glad something is actually too small to fit you!

we start walking away and i look up…and notice the sign

i said: oh my god…we are in the children’s section!!!!  lmao

she said:  i can’t heeeeeear you

true story
good times

🙂

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note to self

dressing room mirrors will never be your friend

no matter how much weight you’ve lost, or how good you feel…

or the fact that you can fit into junior jeans 😉

dressing room mirrors are the devil.  the devil i tell you

someone fetch me my wine

as you were

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turbo pants

i was going to blog about my night last night
but then heard about these pants on the radio
and well…the pants totally trumped what i was going to talk about.
 
have you heard of these pants?
they are called Turbo Pants.
there are a couple of pictures of these on the link i am posting at the end.
 
apparently these pants are made with 3 layers…i believe 2 of them being cotton and one rubber.
anyways these pants promote weight loss…and have been a huge success in Europe.
 
from what i understand, these pants are skin tight.  even putting them on makes you look 2 inches smaller.
talk about skinny jeans doing their job.
 
these pants apparently cause you to lose weight.
why?
well as they said on the radio…they promote “fluid leakage”
umm….ewwww.
 
these pants are so tight and multi layered that of course you are gonna lose fluid…you’ll be sweating in them all day.
they also say these pants will massage your skin and so in turn they will reduce cellulite.
its soft cotton feels good on your skin.
 
you can wear these anywhere.  you can work out in them…wear them in the office…
you can wear them for 8 hours straight.  but i ask…can you breathe in them???
seriously…who would want to wear them????  can you imagine sitting in your own “fluid leakage”?  sweating in places you would rather not sweat?
ugh…i am so grossed out.
 
they also recommend that you wash these pants after every use.
you think???
dis-gust-ting.
 
the one pair i saw, retailed at about 250 bucks…craaaaaazy.
 
and i am sure that alot of people will buy into this weight loss gimmick.
 
people!!!!!  weight loss doesn’t just happen.  have you not figured this out already?
how many people do you think will buy these pants and eat a crap load of junk and pray for a miracle??
smarten up people!!
take your 250 bucks and join the gym!
 
give me my sweat pants…and let me go work out…i prefer to leak my fluids that way.
not sit in my own juices for 8 hours.
 
baaahhhh.
 
i am completely grossed out.
 
if you want to read more about it….click here.


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thinking thoughts

my mind is in over drive
i love it when i decide to blog when my brain is mental.
thought i’d give the blog next door a breather lol
 
my one year is coming up…it’s actually right around the corner
and i am not sure why this is making me feel anxious.
it shouldn’t…there is no need to feel anxious, or nervous etc…
but hey it is what it is.
 
i guess i think…ok, now what??
it’s like i gave myself a year to succeed…and then…whatever.
 
what i envisioned last year…is not where i am today.
in some aspects i am well ahead of anywhere i thought i’d ever be
and then in other ways…i feel a little behind.
everything balances out…and i am perfectly fine with where i am
 
i know i have been serious since day one.
i was on a mission and there was no room for failing.
i do not have an off button, so if my sights are set on something…there is no stopping me.
i am like that in everything i do.  if i want something…i go until i get it.
if i lack interest…meh…i can’t be bothered.
i am like that with things i do and with people in my life.
if i love you…you know it…if i don’t…you know it too lol
 
what the hell is the point of this blog anyways?
 
i guess i am just being reflective.
a whole year (almost) has flown by at warp speed.
and although i was committed from the get go…i feel like i really started stepping things up half way through the year (i am specifically speaking about working out)
 
and so the year anniversary is almost here…
just over a week away.
i guess it feels like a closure…and i must remind myself that it so is not.
if anything it’s another beginning.
more goals to set, re-evaluate.
another year of firsts.
 
no it’s so not an ending.
this will never end.
it’s the next chapter of this journey.
and perhaps this too is what makes me anxious.
 
i look at myself and feel things i never felt about myself before
i am proud of me
getting dressed in the morning is no longer depressing and a struggle
i’ve changed in ways i never thought was possible.
the biggest thing being the gym.  wanting to go to the gym, wanting to push myself, wanting to feel the burn
this was not me for 30 some odd years…and now this is me…the real me.
 
maybe that’s the thing.
i am so different now. i’ve changed so much…
i wonder if those i haven’t seen for a long time would even recognize my insides, never mind my outsides!
 
cause that’s one thing i learned
transformation isn’t only physical.  it’s internal.
it changes you mind set, it changes your soul.
and you slowly become that someone you were always intended to be.
 
and i love the gradual, slow paced changes
i love every part of this…even the times i am so deflated and discouraged
that i become a puddle on the floor.
because i learn
and my lord the things i have learned
that’s it…just wanted to write it out lol
 
if you have read this far…i thank you

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i am so in love

with the gym!
it’s true…i can’t even believe i said it, but there is no use in denying the truth.
 
i picked it up a few notches last night
and what i mean by a few…is ALOT.
 
my whole life i have hated the elliptical.
and i think that the word hate is an understatement.
 
even hating it…i did purchase one years ago believing that if i owned one, i would have to use it.
sure at the beginning of that love affair i was on it.
i hated it.  i dreaded it.  15 minutes seemed like a lifetime.
it didn’t matter if i was watching tv, or listening to music.  i just hated it.
if i could have had a glass of wine in one of my hands perhaps i would have felt differently at the time lol
it became my closet of sorts…or my hamper.
it was a fancy clothes holder, that’s what it was.
 
so when i went for my assessment at the gym, my personal trainer said i should be able to work myself up to an hour on the elliptical.
she said this after getting me to do it for 3 minutes.
i thought – whatever lady.  stop the crack.
 
the other day i thought i would give it a go.  i was on it for 35 minutes
and….
i loved it.
i am not too sure what changed inside of me…to actually say that i enjoy it…
i really don’t know.
i loved everything about it.  the jello legs, the heavy breathing…the sweating…
(i am talking about the gym people, not bedroom antics – mind outta the gutter!)
 
so back to the gym i went yesterday.
did all my ab work out and weights and hopped on the elliptical
which to my great joy (NOT) is right in front of a mirror.
 
all of a sudden i heard that jerk in my head telling me i wouldn’t be able to succeed without him training me etc.
i kept hearing that sing song voice in my head that i should be able to do it for an hour…
so off i went.
different things flashed through my head…like all the cute bikinis that will be coming out this season…my trip to Texas, summer, cute clothes
and i kept going and going…
and i kid not when i say it was not even a struggle.
 
i didn’t do an hour on the elliptical.  i did an hour and one minute.
eat that jerk face.
 
and i felt freakin’ amazing…i could have kept going…but i didn’t
 
a couple of hours later…trying to get up from the couch was fun
my knees ached something fierce…
i didn’t think much of it…
 
i woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink
and i felt like i was just hit by a car.  and i have personal experience with that feeling…
i felt like i blew out my knees!!!  crazy.  and not fun.
 
i woke up this morning…feeling not bad at all.  my knees are a little sore…as is most of my body – especially my lower back.
but i feel amazing.
 
i cannot describe how i felt after my work out yesterday.
it’s an unexplainable high…like a drug.
i see how people get addicted to working out…because at the end of it all…you just feel so absolutely amazing.
 
why didn’t i discover this sooner??? 

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gone and done it

it’s true.
i am now officially a member of the gym!
 
my friend and i went in to meet with the owner of the gym on Sunday.
we got the full tour and i must say i was impressed.
 
let me remind you that i was a member of this gym for TWO years.
In that 2 years i did not step foot in there once.  not once.
they were in the process of building the gym, and i bought my membership before it opened…with good intentions.
i did not go once.
ugh, what a waste of money!
 
So…i am gonna do it kids!!
 
the best part of this is the classes they offer – and they are included in the membership.
they have yoga, zumba, pilates, body training, spinning…and so much more.
they even have hot yoga!  (only the first class is free…after that it’s 10 dollars every 2 weeks if you want to do it)
 
So Thursday we have a one hour consultation with a personal trainer and then a one hour consult with a nutritionist
i could not be more excited!!!
 
what a change in mind set!  wasn’t it just a couple of months ago i wrote all about not ever joining a gym?
 
i think i have finally realized my limitations working out at home.  Not that i don’t love Turbo Jam…because i do.
it’s done wonders for me…my body…my health…and of course has contributed to my weight loss – big time.  i think more so than my diet.
but i am at a point where i need to take things up a notch.  i need to incorporate weights, do different work outs…
get ripped!!
 
my goal is to rock a bikini this summer.  and i mean rock it – i so did not rock the bikini on my vacation looking back lol
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic on the Greek islands completely naked.
so when the personal trainer asks me what my goals are…that’s what i will tell her
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic naked 🙂
 
it’s different this time.  i think i know better the value of my money.
I am not going to waste my money, but take full advantage of it.
(by the way it’s cheaper this time around then it was when i was a member years ago)
 
so i have goals…and the gym will help me be successful.
i am so excited i could pee!!!
 
and now the fun part
i am going shopping.
getting my work out outfits
as i’ve said before i work out in my skivvies at home…i am sure people at the gym wouldn’t appreciate that
or would they?
lol
 
no lululemon for me…yet. 
i mean i love their stuff…but it’s way over priced…and i hate hate hate that people buy those clothes for the look…and not for the work out
these clothes are designed for you to work out in
not to prance around the city thinking you look fine
 
wow – i went off on a rant didn’t i lol
 
so yeah, clothes shopping tonight.
i am sooooo excited!!!

wordpress counterAnd on to some completely unrelated news – cause i gotta be me…
I finally got the new Adele cd…
I put it on while driving to work…and ended up sitting in the parking lot at work unable to get out of my car, because my ears could not get enough of this album. 15 minutes later and i forced myself to turn it off.
It’s AMAZING.
get thee to a store and buy it NOW. (sorry didn’t mean to be so demanding)


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because

i was never going to share a picture here, on line of myself.

it could be ’cause i was shy…or that i am aware that this is the internet…and anyone can see what i post.

but i have done a 180 tonight.  a realization that i just don’t give a damn.

why?

because i AM proud of my accomplishments

because despite everything i have been going through as of late, i have still been true to me

because it matters…alot.

because for once i can look at myself and feel…OK

because it’s always ok to strive and look ahead and want more

because i want to show you all, just how very proud i am of myself
my hard work
my ambition
my dedication
my trials and tribulations

because it matters.
every single bit of it.

all the tears, the nay sayers, the people who doubted me

all of it.

here i am, getting to where i want to be

and no one can bring me down
no one will make me stop.

because

because i am so worth it…and nothing anyone can say can change my mind.
you will never bring me down.

because this is what hope, success and hard work looks like

because i love all of you who have supported my journey.

i show you….me.  the real me.

because…for the first time in my life, i feel like me.

because i respect myself, and love myself.

and this is what it looks like.


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