Tag Archives: christmas

suck it up buttercup

when it comes to buying clothes for me – my mom does a pretty amazing job.
she generally has great style, and for some reason always, and i mean always gets me clothes that fit exactly right.
that’s a hard thing to do – buy clothes for someone – at least it is for me…
but as my mom likes to tell me – she gave birth to me – she will always know lol

so – it’s no shock that i got clothes at Christmas.  i do every year.
and every year while i am visiting home – i try the clothes on just to make sure they fit.

not this year.

the clothes stayed in the box they came in with promises to my mom that i would try them on as soon as i got home.

but then there was my road trip – and so i had no time to try them on.

i finally tried them on last night.

i didn’t try them on because i know the devastation i feel when something doesn’t fit right.
i knew that i had gained weight over the holidays and thought it would be the dumbest move ever to try on clothes feeling the way i felt about myself.
that’s just asking for trouble.

bah – and so on they went yesterday.  everything fit!!!  one of the sweaters she got me was actually a little too big for my liking.

but just because they fit – doesn’t mean they fit right.  yes i can do the zipper up on my pants.  yes i can breathe in them…yes yes yes.
but they are a little more snug than they should be.  they are not as comfortable as they should be…
i feel like a piggy in a blanket.

i almost had an emotional breakdown last night – but you really can’t have one of those without any Ben and Jerry’s on hand – or dill pickle chips.
and so i didn’t.

i just sulked – and today i feel panicked.  and this panic has brought out in me a sense of motivation i haven’t seen for some time.

it’s making me plan in my head all the things i MUST do in order to get back to where i was before the holidays.
of course working out 3 hours a night is just not possible – but in my head the plan actually works.
lol

i feel terrible about treating my body the way i did over the holidays.  i feel like all the hard, disciplined work was for nothing.
i feel like if i had some self control, all that work would not have been in vain.

but i also feel the need to tell myself to get over it.  yeah, it sucks – i did it to myself – so deal with it.

so i am going to deal with it – and understand that it may take a month of really hard work to reverse everything i did.

i gotta be patient.  i didn’t gain it over night – i am not going to lose it over night.

someone needs to kick me in the ass when i forget that and feel sorry for myself.

i have a date with the elliptical tonight.  i have a feeling it’s going to kill me

wordpress counter



Site Meter

Advertisements

i finally found it!

Christmas spirit.

it wasn’t in the gifts…or under the tree.

it wasn’t in my niece literally freaking out when she opened the gifts i got her – although i gotta say the joy in that little girl didn’t hurt.
it wasn’t about the monetary value of everything i was given – although i was spoiled rotten this year.

i guess i had always looked in those places for some sort of fulfilment.
but it was always anti climactic.  there has always been such a build up to the one day…so much rushing around…so much money to be spent, for literally minutes of gratification.
it’s always been a let down.
not that it wasn’t nice…because Christmas has always been “nice”.  just not as amazingly awesome as people build it up to be.

no, i never really found the Christmas spirit.

but i did this year.

i found it in my family…both blood, and the family i have created.
i found it around the dinner table – gathered around so many people i love…and that love me.
i found it in the conversation, in my fathers eyes…my mothers smile.
in the strangers we welcomed with open arms to our home.
i found it in all the children…all the new additions to my family –  blood and my own.

i found it when my niece jumped on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck and said “auntie bee, i love you so much…you are my best friend”
long after the gifts had been unwrapped.
i found it in my nephews smile the moment he laid his eyes on me…reaching out for me to hold him
i found it when my niece only wanted me to take her potty…and kissed me and said thank you.
i found it in the card she signed all by herself.

i found Christmas spirit when i cooked dinner tonight.  sure, the turkey was already made…but i made the rest of it  and i felt great doing so.
sitting in love – enjoying this time…because this is a memory…a moment i can look back on and smile…and remember the overwhelming love i felt in that very moment – 20 years later.

i didn’t count carbs, calories, obsess about when i would find time to go to the gym.
i didn’t care that all the food i have consumed over these past weeks would result in junk in my trunk, and make my clothes snug.

i learned this year, the spirit of the season.
it’s about the people who surround you…it’s about the people that love you…and that you love.

none of these people care about the size of my waist, or the calories i count.  they care about me.  just me.  and what a wonderful feeling that is.

this year i felt a sense of peace that i have never felt before.  a feeling of such extreme love for those in my life, i could never write down in words.
it’s just unexplainable.
i am at a loss for words…and that’s ok.  because this feeling inside me – is not for me to explain…it’s for me to enjoy and appreciate.
i am such a very lucky girl.  it amazes me how lucky i really am.

this my friends is Christmas spirit.

the Christmas joy continues…the next few days will no doubt be equally amazing.

for once in my life…i can honestly say, i love Christmas.
and it had nothing to do with the presents under the tree.

it’s about love.  true honest love.
how simple is that???
how did i not get that?

tomorrow i travel a couple of hours to see my best friend – an extension of my already crazy big family.
i can’t wait.

i hope your Christmas was beautiful as mine.
it just keeps getting better.

wordpress counter



Site Meter

i just can’t wait!

i wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

i won’t be around for a while, i will be celebrating the holidays with my family and then i am heading off on a road trip!  i am SOOOO excited!

this past month there hasn’t been much to write about over here.  i’ve been rather open with my diet and not so present at the gym.
i decided not to even begin stressing about it – i have my whole life – and right now over Christmas – i am just living.
the gym will be there in the new year, and so will my new mind set.

2012 is right around the corner.  i get very excited about New Years.  It means new beginnings to me.  New Hope.  New Life.
i am very excited about a clean slate!!!

I will be conquering my Zumba fear in 2012 – and continuing my healthy life style with new motivation.
I am so excited about what the New Year will bring.  to me that is better than Christmas.

May you all have a safe and happy holiday and love your loved ones!!

I receive emails from a website called bravegirlsclub.  i love getting emails from them almost as much as i love getting them from the universe.
the one i got this morning seems very fitting.  a wonderful reminder as the New Year sweeps in.

Dear Beloved Girl,

When we have old things in our hands that we are afraid of being without, with our fists tightly clenched around those things…and we walk around fearing what will happen if we ever open our hands and let those things go…when we worry whether or not anything else will make it’s way into our lives…if we will ever have enough…if our hands will always remain empty if we open them and let the old clenched stuff go………..if we keep doing that, we will NEVER be able to grasp onto what is meant for us.

What is done is done. What is over is over. We are meant to move forward, we are meant to progress. Everything natural and beautiful and true and living was designed to constantly be renewing itself, progressing, living living living and then dying….going on to the next step of it’s life cycle. When we clench old things in our hands, we prevent new things from being able to hold hands with us. New experiences, new things to learn, new relationships, new things that we don’t even know exist yet.

Today is a great day to finally let go. It will be ok. In fact……..it will be incredible.It might hurt for a minute, just like all endings do…….but the new beginning that is just behind the ending (the ending that is long past due) is where the miracles are. Hold on to that hope…but let the rest go.

Let it go.It is time.
You are so very very very loved.

wordpress counter



Site Meter

the saddest story ever told

every special holiday – ex: Christmas, Thanksgiving etc…
the kitchen makes us an extra special lunch.
turkey with all the fixings!!!!
my coworkers are like family to me.  we are a very small group and i’d like to think we are close.
(if cookie monster is reading this you best be agreeing with me lol)

wordpress counter


So today was the day.
the special turkey day.

3 of my coworkers had their annual staff lunch planned for today…so they couldn’t make it.
cookie monster was stuck on a phone call…
and considering today is one of the busiest days of the week for me – i had a very small window available for lunch.

woe is me.

i had lunch at my desk – all alone.
by myself.
do you hear the violins???? lol

meh, that’s not the sad part really – i eat at my desk alone often.
i am just too busy to actually go downstairs and chill.
now that’s sad.

but what’s even sadder???

my lunch.

it was so sad i couldn’t even bring myself to take a picture.

for lunch i had turkey – and brussels sprouts…
that’s it.
that’s all.

there was no stuffing, or mashed potatoes with gravy.

turkey without stuffing is like….
Christmas with no presents
birthdays with no cake
ying with no yang

get it?

we also got 3 baby cupcakes for dessert. and noooo of course i didn’t eat them.
i brought them up stairs and left them on my bff’s desk.
she will appreciate them…and she’ll yell at me for trying to make her fat
it’s a win win situation.

and so this is my sad, sad story about my sad, sad lunch
surely you ache for my sadness yes?

the day after

well, christmas came and went faster than the blink of an eye.
i wrote all about my time on the blog next door…and it’s totally not health/weight loss related…so i won’t go into it here.

i’d like to say i was “good” but i wasn’t all that great.
lets just say there was cheesecake and baklava.

i will say that all the leftovers that i brought home
are all on plan.
i may have slipped a few chocolates in to my bag, but they are not for me…i swear!!!

i will make sure i get in a good cardio work out tomorrow…or should i say today.
oy vay.

how was your christmas??

now, i am more than ready…completely 100% ready to go on vacation
let the relaxing and mind numbing times begin.

if anyone can find a brown spotted dalmatian and slip her in to my stocking
well…that would just make my year.

woe is me.

oh…and i had the most wonderful skype date ever.
maybe that’s why i am wide awake at 2am.

2 more sleeps.
can’t wait!!!!!


Site Meter

tumblr hit tracking tool

caught in the act

haha…i thought this would be a breakfast of champions.


No worries, i put ’em away.

Here is a pic of the end result.  thank god they are packed away and no longer accessible!


And a closer look at my gingerbread doods:

I think i totally missed my calling!


Site Meter

wordpress stats

just call me cookie

my house is driving me a little mental today.

i wrote a blog next door in more detail about my day yesterday….regarding distraction.
today i shall blog about yesterday’s distractions ramifications.

i don’t think i am exaggerating when i say i baked at least 15 dozen cookies yesterday.
from about 7:30pm until 12:30am i was baking.
there are shortbread cookies, ginger bread cookies and chocolate chip cookies all over my kitchen.
hey – when i have a lot on my mind i like to keep busy….what can i say?
i am a little crazy when i have a lot in my heart and in my head.

everywhere i turn in my kitchen i see cookies…both of my fridges are full of cookies
so is my microwave…so is the top of my big fridge…
everywhere.

i do not have a decorating bone in my body…but i gotta say…my gingerbread doods look good.

anyways…i have always been a sentimental person…
preferring a gift from the heart as opposed to something store bought (although please feel free to buy me the ipod touch on my xmas list)
i squealed like a little school girl when my coworker gave me a box of home baked goodies for Christmas
she knew full well they were a no no on my diet…but the fact that she took hours to make these…and with such care and love…well it was one of the best gifts i could get

knowing the time, and care that she put in to my gift…the care even in the wrapping…
bah, i just loved it!

so i thought to myself…self, why have you never done that??
and so last night i did.
the people i love the most will be getting tins of my carbolicious goodness…
and i gotta tell you.  I CAN’T WAIT.
i cannot wait to get these damn cookies out of my home.  remember the blog i wrote about sleep eating???
imagine my hell at the moment.

i did everything right today – pretty much
i ate a healthy breakfast, i worked out, had a salad for dinner
but in between all those things, a couple of cookies made their way to my mouth.

once i deliver these gifts…and begin my real vacation
i shall be free and clear of the evil devil called sugar…
or so i hope.

tonight’s distraction?  drinking wine and wrapping presents.

anyone want a cookie..or 12?


Site Meter

oh la la

i went to the mall last night to pick up a few gifts
i was pleasantly surprised that i didn’t feel the overwhelming desire to punch anyone!!!
the mall was quiet so there was no pushing or being bumped into or rude people to contend with!
 
anyways…i went to go get some gifts…from Laura Secord.
When i was there a few weeks ago i noticed that they are selling board games made out of chocolate.  how cool is that?
They have Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble and Clue.
all the pieces are made out of chocolate.
whoever came up with that idea is a genius!!!
 
So i picked up a few of those and crossed off a couple of names from my list and felt satisfied.
 
I don’t know what inspired me to ask the lady at the cash… but i did.
 
“do you have any sugar free chocolate?”
 
I don’t care who you are…how little of a sweet tooth you have…Laura Secord is hard to resist.  Everything looks good, smells good…i get a sugar rush just walking by there.
I wanted a piece of chocolate dammit!
 
The lady behind the cash showed us her no sugar added section, and a small box was purchased.  10 small pieces of chocolate for over 13 dollars. 
Ouch.
But isn’t that the way?  everything that is supposed to be good for you (or better for you) and healthier is way more expensive??
For 3 pieces of chocolate, there were 6 grams of carbs.  not bad my friends, not bad at all.
 
Anyways so i had a true Canadian evening.  Stopped at Tim Hortons on my way home, sat down on the couch and opened up the chocolates and savoured every bite.
 
Coffee and chocolate on one of the coldest evenings…with zero guilt.
 
Someone recently told me to find the pleasure in winter, and my god i think i just did!


Site Meter