Tag Archives: changes

defeat

i haven’t been here for a while – i know

but just because i haven’t been writing – doesn’t mean i haven’t been working

i’ve been working my ass off actually

it’s been almost a year since i’ve gotten serious about my health

from January to August i saw very little results

i did some research and realized how important it is to eat the right kinds of food, portion control etc

i changed my low carb lifestyle in August – and i haven’t looked back

going away on a much deserved dream vacation – changed my life
literally.
everything inside me shifted
all my perceptions, my sorrows, my stress

it all shifted

and then shit got real

it became about me
for once
self love. self acceptance
what would make me happy?

for once – i was putting myself first

my fitness and diet were number one.
i started joining challenge groups. worked out religiously every day
allowing myself a rest day to restore my muscles

i incorporated weights in to my life

and the transformation was incredible

here is a mini breakdown

in 3 weeks i lost a total of 9.5 inches

4 weeks later another 7.5 inches

3 weeks later i lost another 1.5 inches

10 weeks – 18.5 inches of my body gone!!!

So i recently joined a 30 day challenge group. 30 days of working out.
and what was i doing?
MMA style fighting

it was a challenge that scared me – but excited me

i went from 3 months ago attempting to do a push up and literally falling on my face
to being able to do push ups for a minute straight

and the plank – the dreaded plank. i could only start off modified
now i can do variations and hold it. each one for a minute

the strength that i am building is incredible

and i realized that’s what i want. a strong body. to match my strong will
i want healthy. i want the challenge. i want to better myself every day

enter day 23 of the challenge. this was tough work. the work outs were long and exhausting

i woke up that morning with a sore shoulder – but i pushed play anyway

and then by the evening – the pain i was in was – i cannot even describe

woke up the next morning worse. i couldn’t do my hair – i couldn’t even put my bra on.
even driving hurt
getting dressed was impossible

got up this morning and literally cried. the pain was so intense.
i slept in a bra because i was afraid to face that challenge in the morning

i went to urgent care.
i had xrays and go in for an ultra sound on monday.
she suspects a pulled or torn tendon in my rotator cuff

did i mention that the pain is incredible?

she gave me kick ass pain killers so i could sleep. i haven’t slept in two days
(she actually told me that if i get out of bed for some reason in the middle of the night – to plant both feet on the ground and slowly stand lol)
some anti inflammatories and muscle relaxers

i popped a muscle relaxer as soon as i got home – and it took forever to work
but once it did
my oh my
i went and had a glorious one hour nap with my babies
i feel like wonder woman
so much so i debated going for a run

but the doc said absolutely no exercise until we know what we are dealing with

i looked at her and said…doc – i can’t even put a bra on – i don’t think i’ll be working out

anyway

my point

and i always have one

i feel defeated.

i joined a challenge with several people – and had 23 days done. only another 7 to go
and everything has come to a complete stand still
and it makes me feel like a failure
completely defeated

i want to keep moving because i am afraid if i stop
my old self will come through
and not want to start

so maybe i’ll walk

i’ll join the retirees at the mall and do some power walking 🙂
that actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea

now more than ever – my food has to be on point.

i feel defeated – but i am never going back

annnnd – i’ve decided that even though i didn’t finish my challenge – i will still measure myself
see how i did
because i didn’t quit – i was all in

but sometimes life happens
and things get in the way

doesn’t make me any less of a person
my intentions are true
and my goals are real

now that i see it in black and white

nothing about my attitude spells failure or defeat

just a strong, determined woman who may or may not need a lesson in patience 😉

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new beginnings

i went out for a breakfast date this morning.
i forgot how much i love doing that!!!
there is a place locally…that is always busy…and always good
i hadn’t been in ages, so i thought i was long over due.

there is nothing better than throwing on a baseball cap, not worrying about my hair or makeup
and just going out and enjoying some one’s company
and some yummy breakfast!!!

of course watching me eat breakfast is a joy in itself…or so i have been told lol

as you know…i am pretty “weird” when it comes to food…but eating breakfast requires alot of prep on my part lol
see…i never knew i did these things until they were pointed out to me
but over the years…i have come to accept that…i am weird.
it’s all good.

of course…none of the food can touch – this is a given
the toast can’t even be on the same plate – i don’t know why…i have no rhyme or reason
but it is what it is.

and yes…i decided on eating toast with my breakfast today – whole wheat but of course
why?

well because i got my eggs over easy.
you can’t have over easy eggs without toast.  it’s just wrong.
for over a year of my life i’ve been eating my eggs every other way but over easy because of this.
so it was time.

so yes…after i made sure none of my food was touching…
i separated all of my eggs
i always eat the egg whites and save the yokes for last.
i save one slice of bread to dip my egg yolks in…and the other slice i put jam on
lol
it can’t be eaten any other way.
if by chance my breakfast comes to me with a broken yolk..i swear i almost have a coronary.
again – i don’t know why…it’s just the way it is.

i also notice i eat my breakfast in circles.
i don’t even know if i can explain that….
i eat some egg…then i eat my bacon or sausage..and then the hash browns
then i start from the beginning.
i save my toast with jam for the end

true story.

it takes special people to love me dontcha think? lol

and so breakfast this morning was a celebration
a new beginning to a new chapter in my life
it’s a little scary..a little new…a little life altering.
those of you who know me know i am a little scared of change…
but this is a good kind of change
a moving forward kind of change

life is awesome…
and it just keeps getting awesomer.

so breakfast is going to become a regular thing…
i want to go out for breakfast more often…
celebrate more often.
celebrate the fact that life always…always works out just the way it should, the way it’s supposed to.
(i won’t always have toast with my eggs but u get where i’m going)

the new word for the day: awesomer.  you must all use it in a sentence at least twice today lol

hope your weekend rocked your socks off 🙂

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thinking thoughts

my mind is in over drive
i love it when i decide to blog when my brain is mental.
thought i’d give the blog next door a breather lol
 
my one year is coming up…it’s actually right around the corner
and i am not sure why this is making me feel anxious.
it shouldn’t…there is no need to feel anxious, or nervous etc…
but hey it is what it is.
 
i guess i think…ok, now what??
it’s like i gave myself a year to succeed…and then…whatever.
 
what i envisioned last year…is not where i am today.
in some aspects i am well ahead of anywhere i thought i’d ever be
and then in other ways…i feel a little behind.
everything balances out…and i am perfectly fine with where i am
 
i know i have been serious since day one.
i was on a mission and there was no room for failing.
i do not have an off button, so if my sights are set on something…there is no stopping me.
i am like that in everything i do.  if i want something…i go until i get it.
if i lack interest…meh…i can’t be bothered.
i am like that with things i do and with people in my life.
if i love you…you know it…if i don’t…you know it too lol
 
what the hell is the point of this blog anyways?
 
i guess i am just being reflective.
a whole year (almost) has flown by at warp speed.
and although i was committed from the get go…i feel like i really started stepping things up half way through the year (i am specifically speaking about working out)
 
and so the year anniversary is almost here…
just over a week away.
i guess it feels like a closure…and i must remind myself that it so is not.
if anything it’s another beginning.
more goals to set, re-evaluate.
another year of firsts.
 
no it’s so not an ending.
this will never end.
it’s the next chapter of this journey.
and perhaps this too is what makes me anxious.
 
i look at myself and feel things i never felt about myself before
i am proud of me
getting dressed in the morning is no longer depressing and a struggle
i’ve changed in ways i never thought was possible.
the biggest thing being the gym.  wanting to go to the gym, wanting to push myself, wanting to feel the burn
this was not me for 30 some odd years…and now this is me…the real me.
 
maybe that’s the thing.
i am so different now. i’ve changed so much…
i wonder if those i haven’t seen for a long time would even recognize my insides, never mind my outsides!
 
cause that’s one thing i learned
transformation isn’t only physical.  it’s internal.
it changes you mind set, it changes your soul.
and you slowly become that someone you were always intended to be.
 
and i love the gradual, slow paced changes
i love every part of this…even the times i am so deflated and discouraged
that i become a puddle on the floor.
because i learn
and my lord the things i have learned
that’s it…just wanted to write it out lol
 
if you have read this far…i thank you

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ch-ch-ch-changes

everywhere, changes! 
but lets just keep to the point today 🙂 i’ll save my ramblings for next door!
 
i am here to publicly announce….that i have been thinking…quite silently
of renouncing my title of Wonder Woman.
i know, i know…shocker.
 
i went for my walk last night.  what was different about it this time was that i skipped my turbo jam. 
insert sad disappointed face right here
 
but you know what? i don’t feel absolutely spent today.  i don’t feel like i am gonna die!
who knew?
 
so since i am on a change kick…i think i am going to change up my working out routine..yes again!
I have decided for the time being i will not do both in one day.  it’s either turbo jam or 8ks (and hopefully going to 10k)
i mean i can do both in one day…and i can do it all over again the next day…
but then i spend 2 days…recovering…nursing my sore, sore body. 
so what benefits am i getting there?
 
I talked it out…and i think i will alternate days.
so one week i walk 3 times a week and the following i walk 2 days…etc etc etc
and then i will legally have weekends off.
still haven’t figured if i should have a day off mid week.
who knew this was so much mental work??
 
I am also thinking about increasing my turbo jam work out to 65 minutes
if i won’t be walking those days
so, 45 minutes cardio and then a 20 min ab workout.
yikes.  so much change!!!
lol
 
i’m interested to see how next week pans out.
 
as my bff has said…i will always be wonder woman
just a slower, older one.
so, the title’s still mine kids.  i spent years earning it 🙂
 
on to not so related news….i was gifted with tomatoes from a friends garden.
mmm mmm mmm
can’t wait to sink my teeth into those!
 
happy thursday (did i ever tell you thursday’s are my most favourite day of the week?)
yay thursdays!!!


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