Tag Archives: cancer

matters of the heart

i was looking through some pictures last night.
album after album on the computer…bringing back so many different memories and emotions.

i noticed all of the pictures had 2 things in common
1 – food
2 – love

sometimes i complain that i have too much to do..too many places to be…
but looking back at these pictures, i realize how truly blessed i am.
blessed that i have so many people in my life that love me and want me around
what better feeling is there???

every special occasion is captured on camera. i would say “film” but that’s not really accurate these days 🙂
you have the typical bee pictures of food…and then you have all those other pictures…
people hugging, people smiling…people looking so very happy and completely unaware that they are being photographed
those are my favourite pictures.

i talk alot about food on here…well, because that’s this blogs primary focus
but i don’t think i’ve ever really talked about the way i love.

i’ve said the holidays are all about the food…
but i think i’ve changed my mind.

it’s all about the love.

whether you spend this time with the people you are related to…share the same blood line with
or with the family you have created through time
it’s all about love isn’t it?

sure, the food is part and parcel of the holidays
but i’d like to believe that the food tastes all the sweeter when you are with the ones you love.

how would the holidays feel without it?  without love?
losing those that you love…
i can assure you…the food would just be food…and the special day would be…just another day.

i have so many pictures, hugging those that matter most to me
where you can see the love just pouring out of me.
i am glad i have those.

sometimes i think about losing.
you know…losing someone i love.  i know it’s inevitable, but it’s still such a sad thought in my mind.

so i am grateful.  so very thankful
to be busy, to be overwhelmed, to have so much to do
because that means i am loved.
i am so very loved.

i decided to post this picture.  one of my favourites from the weekend!

this is me and my daddy.
he loves me 🙂
and you can tell by just one look at my face, that i very much love him back.
this was taken one week into his radiation treatment…3 more weeks to go.
we know he will be just fine…but…nothing lasts forever…and it makes you think…down the road…
to places you’d rather not let your mind wander to.

so i choose to make the memories…i choose to make as many awesome, amazing, fantastic memories
so i can always hold on and always remember.
and when i look back at the pictures, my heart will be warm with the love i felt in that very exact moment.

yeah, the food was awesome this weekend
but the love was even better.

i get that you need food to live.
but love?  love is what keeps you alive.

without it…life ain’t worth that much is it.

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the c-word

i hate it.
 
Cancer.
 
Over the past 2 days i found out that 2 more sweet, succulent souls have passed away from this relentless disease.
that makes 3 people in less than a month.
and this makes me so sad and angry.
 
I am not ignorant enough to believe that it only affects my world and the people i love.
i understand that thousands of people a day are given this life sentence.
but how can i not personalize something so personal?
 
and so as death goes, it makes you take inventory of your life.
 
am i doing everything right?  am i living a squeaky clean existence which will guarantee i make it to the ripe old age of 99?
not only am i taking care of my health, but am i treating those people i love as i should?
 
 
 the truth is…it doesn’t matter.
 
what i have learned through these 3 deaths this past month….
is that cancer doesn’t care.
cancer is not racist.
it doesn’t care if you are 36 or 74.
it doesn’t care if you live your life as a healthy active person, or if you abuse your body.
 
it’s like it does the eeny meeny miney mo
and when it’s your time…it’s your time.
the end.
 
I am still going to give it my all…do my best to be the healthiest bee i can be
there is so much i can improve and work on…
you know…to make me indestructible….Super Bee.
sigh
i wish
 
sometimes it just makes you wonder what it’s all about you know?
 
it just makes me think…and really, i already think too much
 
and so…for just this one time….i will not be a hard ass and say:
 
hey…i love you – just in case you were wondering.
I love you.
 
don’t ever expect me to say it again
i do have an image to uphold
🙂


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the things that matter

it doesn’t matter today
doesn’t matter at all.
 
it doesn’t matter what i decide to eat, or if i walk 5 miles, or do 45 min of cardio.
it doesn’t matter how small my waist is getting
or if i am simply having a fat day.
it just doesn’t fuking matter
 
actually, it seems so very insignificant and trivial today
to worry about things that ultimately don’t really define my existance.
 
what matters today?
that i am here typing this…healthy, alive, capable and loved
that matters
 
what matters is the mother who is fighting for her life
her 4 children
her husband
and the millions of people everywhere…praying for her.
 
what matters more than the lunch i decide to eat today?
 
that she kicks cancers ass.  that the brain cancer won’t take her away.
 
what matters more than all the insignificant, trivial little things in life?
 
the big things.
the people in your life
 
all my thoughts and prayers are with S and her family right now.
if you are so inclined, please say a prayer or light a candle, or think good thoughts.
 
that’s what matters.


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