Tag Archives: bikini

defeat

so i saved the worst part of my shopping for my trip for today

the dreaded bikini shopping.

oy vay.

i went alone.  really, i don’t need to have a nervous breakdown around anyone do i??

it was horrible.  horrible is probably an understatement.

and i came up with this:

if i up my working out from 3 days a week to 7

my one hour to 3 hours a day

never ever even think of eating a bite of anything off plan

i may just be ready for next years big bikini outting

it’s defeat that i feel.
complete and utter defeat.

like what have i worked so damn hard for…for almost a year and a half????
i am not saying i haven’t been successful…because i know that i have

but i am no where near where my head thought i would be
and it kinda hurts
and it kinda just makes me think why bother.

kind of makes me just want to throw in the towel.

i won’t  – but this bikini business does not put me in a good mind set let me tell ya

what i saw going on in the mirror – no one needs to see…so no worries – pictures will not follow!

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food for thought

so i’ve noticed a pattern in me.

it is one i am debating cutting out actually…but not sure if i want to!!

these past few weeks – i have been allowing myself to eat whatever i want on the weekends.
i figure that i am working out…and have been eating clean for so long
that i can afford the luxury.

i find that it does take away any desire to “cheat” during the week
and i eat on plan for the week.

i haven’t seen any weight creep on…but i certainly haven’t seen any creep off.
although i am not in this for the weight loss per say…let’s face it…i could still lose another 5-10 pounds.
i am not achieving that by eating high carb foods on the weekend i am sure

never mind what it is doing to me inside.  i am sure i am confusing my body…it doesn’t know what’s going on.

my vacation is just around the corner…and i do not want to commit myself to a strict diet…
i will be on vacation and want to play and indulge a bit i am sure.
not that i am using that as an excuse to stray off plan – i just want to give myself some leniency.

i will be wearing a bathing suit – you would think that would be enough to throw me back in check…but alas it does not. lol

i am going to revisit this after my vacation.  maybe i need to do my low carb hard core again.

just rambling out loud – cause it’s what i do! lol

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one year

On Saturday, while sitting on a bench…taking a breather from shopping…
i became engrossed in people watching – i love it.

a girl walked by me that caught my eye…and so i did a double take.
i looked over at my lovely shopping companion and mentioned to her…that i thought the woman walking by looked just like me – body wise.

she looked at me as if i had 3 heads and said “is that really what you think you look like?”

ummm yeah…that’s what i mean by she looks just like me lol

apparently she didn’t see it.  not even close she said.  she then pointed out random women walking by and pointed out similar features – which i myself did not see.

I think i know what i look like.  i see myself every day right??

it’s all about perception i s’pose.

one day a couple of years ago i actually met my doppelganger – standing in line waiting for my shawarma.
it was crazy to look at a person and see yourself staring back.  but that’s another blog for another day…and more for the blog next door.

so it got me to thinking – but of course 🙂

last year this time, i was bikini shopping for my amazing vacation.
(has it been a year already???)

i was stressed and nervous, but i also felt pretty good about myself.  it had been 3 months of clean eating and i had just incorporated turbo jam in to my routine.
the pounds were flying off…and so of course i was feeling good.

i felt damn good.  so good in fact, the bikini rarely stayed on…as we preferred to swim nekkid any chance we got!!!!
me.naked.
who knew?

it wasn’t a cockiness…far from it actually.  i think it was the first time in a long time i felt comfortable in my own skin and i didn’t give a crap what anyone thought about me…nekkid. lol

i look back at those pictures now – a year later…and i wonder – girl what were you thinking??
i mean good on me for feeling confidant and trying to rock the bikini…
but really…
what i saw last year i don’t see now.

a year has passed…and it’s amazing how much can change in one year.
i could probably write a novel about all the significant, life altering changes i’ve experienced in the past year.
i am not the same girl i was last year, and i don’t intend to be the same girl next year.
life is all about changing – and for once i am completely open to that.

so what’s changed on the health/diet/weight loss front since last year?

well…i’ve continued eating healthy (more often than not)
i work out at the gym at least 3 times a week
i’ve lost at least 10-15 pounds since then.

and when i put two pictures side by side…i can visually see the changes.

the pic on the left is last year (no i’m not nekkid lol), the pic on the right is just from a couple of weeks ago.

i see the changes in my body from last year to this year…
i see where i’ve lost the most weight (boobs and belly)
i can see that i’m more toned
i can see the weight loss still didn’t take away my dimples 🙂

so why does the mere thought of sporting a bikini make me want to hurl?
maybe cause what i see, i don’t really feel?

in my mind i don’t think i am anywhere near where i want to be in order to rock a bikini
i can’t even fathom putting one on and feeling comfortable.

so what changed since last year?  last year i was confidant enough to rock it…
why not now?

like i said…i can see the differences when you place the pictures side by side…but i just can’t mentally wrap my head around it i don’t think.
i think that when i look in the mirror – i still see bee from 2009.

and not to worry…summer is here kids…and i will be rockin’ a bikini whether i want to or not.  my attitude hasn’t changed.  i still don’t care what anyone thinks of me 🙂

one year – a lot of things change…some things just stay the same.

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pump.me.up

i’ve crunched the numbers…and they are off.
way off.

i realized while i was on the elliptical the other day…that i am doing way more cardio than i am weights.
i am not too sure how that happened considering when i first started, i spent more time on weights than i did cardio.

hmmmm, interesting.

my goal is to tone, not so much lose weight (although i wouldn’t complain if a couple of pounds just flew off )
in order to do that…i need to up my weights.
truth be told i am not a fan of the weight part of my work out.  not that i hate it…it’s just so hard!!! lol.  i feel good after (which i always need to remember)

maybe i am just quicker now that i know how to use the machines?

either way…i did the math…and did the unthinkable – got naked in a dressing room.
that pretty much made up my mind.

more weights it is.

i never thought i’d say this…but i love my cardio way too much to reduce my time.  the personal trainer told me i didn’t need to do much cardio, but the thing is, i love my cardio.

So tonight will be my first night.  i am doubling the time i spend doing weights.  if i can’t move tomorrow…i don’t really care, cause it’s gotta be done.

hello…we are mere months away from bikini season people…and mamma wants to go bikini shopping!!

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Portion control?

What is portion control?
I’ve gotta say that the Canadian definition is pretty clear.
I don’t travel often but when I do it always amazes me how HUGE portions are in the States.
My American peeps even agree with me.

People have commented on how little I eat and it makes me laugh. Generally this comment comes while I am on my second plate of the buffet.

You would think I would be used to this but alas I am not.

I have been eating quite poorly… Or quite amazingly depending on which way you look at it. I have half a pound of vanilla peanut butter fudge sitting in my purse as I sip my wine on the patio.

This blog is brought to you by my new iPhone btw 🙂

I am sun kissed and tired and full. All I feel like I am doing is eating… And so this week is a complete write off…diet wise.

I mean I went to a restaurant last night, it was Mexican/Salvadorian cuisine. It was amazing!  But tell me who needs to eat 3 enchiladas, and then have beans and rice, never mind the chips and salsa you get at the beginning of the night???
I would go on a hunger strike if I didn’t love food so much!

I guess all this Canadian girl can do is finish her glass of red, breathe in the summer air… And instead of complaining about being properly fed is tell you that I have been blessed in more ways than I ever though possible.

If he bikini fits, this girl is swimming tomorrow. That’s a promise.

Tonight I pigged out on a salad bar. Can’t feel too guilty about that now can I!

hope you guys are as content as i am.

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i am so in love

with the gym!
it’s true…i can’t even believe i said it, but there is no use in denying the truth.
 
i picked it up a few notches last night
and what i mean by a few…is ALOT.
 
my whole life i have hated the elliptical.
and i think that the word hate is an understatement.
 
even hating it…i did purchase one years ago believing that if i owned one, i would have to use it.
sure at the beginning of that love affair i was on it.
i hated it.  i dreaded it.  15 minutes seemed like a lifetime.
it didn’t matter if i was watching tv, or listening to music.  i just hated it.
if i could have had a glass of wine in one of my hands perhaps i would have felt differently at the time lol
it became my closet of sorts…or my hamper.
it was a fancy clothes holder, that’s what it was.
 
so when i went for my assessment at the gym, my personal trainer said i should be able to work myself up to an hour on the elliptical.
she said this after getting me to do it for 3 minutes.
i thought – whatever lady.  stop the crack.
 
the other day i thought i would give it a go.  i was on it for 35 minutes
and….
i loved it.
i am not too sure what changed inside of me…to actually say that i enjoy it…
i really don’t know.
i loved everything about it.  the jello legs, the heavy breathing…the sweating…
(i am talking about the gym people, not bedroom antics – mind outta the gutter!)
 
so back to the gym i went yesterday.
did all my ab work out and weights and hopped on the elliptical
which to my great joy (NOT) is right in front of a mirror.
 
all of a sudden i heard that jerk in my head telling me i wouldn’t be able to succeed without him training me etc.
i kept hearing that sing song voice in my head that i should be able to do it for an hour…
so off i went.
different things flashed through my head…like all the cute bikinis that will be coming out this season…my trip to Texas, summer, cute clothes
and i kept going and going…
and i kid not when i say it was not even a struggle.
 
i didn’t do an hour on the elliptical.  i did an hour and one minute.
eat that jerk face.
 
and i felt freakin’ amazing…i could have kept going…but i didn’t
 
a couple of hours later…trying to get up from the couch was fun
my knees ached something fierce…
i didn’t think much of it…
 
i woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink
and i felt like i was just hit by a car.  and i have personal experience with that feeling…
i felt like i blew out my knees!!!  crazy.  and not fun.
 
i woke up this morning…feeling not bad at all.  my knees are a little sore…as is most of my body – especially my lower back.
but i feel amazing.
 
i cannot describe how i felt after my work out yesterday.
it’s an unexplainable high…like a drug.
i see how people get addicted to working out…because at the end of it all…you just feel so absolutely amazing.
 
why didn’t i discover this sooner??? 

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fetch me my bikini

ok
so i have gone and made my decision…unless someone here is going to try and sway me!
 
i’ve been wanting to get away for a while now…and the opportunity to do so has come up.
oh universe…i love you.
see…put things out into the universe…and you may just get exactly what you want.
 
i’ll get into things at the blog next door…i am not going into details of my trip here.  i am just going to tell you why i made the decision i made.
 
I had two destinations in mind.
 
My first choice was New York.  Hello…i love New York!!  i could most certainly go into debt in New York and not mind one bit 🙂
and so my mind was made up.
 
then, another location was presented to me…and i started to think…(say it with me – SHOCKER!)
 
how long have i been bitching about the cold??  so why do i want to leave somewhere cold, to go somewhere cold?
if i am going anywhere…i am heading to the warmth.
 
so what did i base my decision on???
honestly?  do you really want to know.
 
obviously…the weather.  somewhere i can get out and about and get my exercise…and swim out doors.
 
and what sealed the deal??? 
 
the food.
 
anywhere i choose to dine will be completely low carb friendly…i will have all the meat my little heart desires…and beans lol
think about it…steak, or prime rib every night for dinner???
hellllooooo!
besides i have already been to New York.
 
kids, i am off to Texas.
TEXAS!!!!!!!!!
 
(that is if no one tries to talk me into New York lol)
 
almost done booking everything…
TEXAS!  who knew.
 
what’s the world here for if i can’t explore it?

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gone and done it

it’s true.
i am now officially a member of the gym!
 
my friend and i went in to meet with the owner of the gym on Sunday.
we got the full tour and i must say i was impressed.
 
let me remind you that i was a member of this gym for TWO years.
In that 2 years i did not step foot in there once.  not once.
they were in the process of building the gym, and i bought my membership before it opened…with good intentions.
i did not go once.
ugh, what a waste of money!
 
So…i am gonna do it kids!!
 
the best part of this is the classes they offer – and they are included in the membership.
they have yoga, zumba, pilates, body training, spinning…and so much more.
they even have hot yoga!  (only the first class is free…after that it’s 10 dollars every 2 weeks if you want to do it)
 
So Thursday we have a one hour consultation with a personal trainer and then a one hour consult with a nutritionist
i could not be more excited!!!
 
what a change in mind set!  wasn’t it just a couple of months ago i wrote all about not ever joining a gym?
 
i think i have finally realized my limitations working out at home.  Not that i don’t love Turbo Jam…because i do.
it’s done wonders for me…my body…my health…and of course has contributed to my weight loss – big time.  i think more so than my diet.
but i am at a point where i need to take things up a notch.  i need to incorporate weights, do different work outs…
get ripped!!
 
my goal is to rock a bikini this summer.  and i mean rock it – i so did not rock the bikini on my vacation looking back lol
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic on the Greek islands completely naked.
so when the personal trainer asks me what my goals are…that’s what i will tell her
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic naked 🙂
 
it’s different this time.  i think i know better the value of my money.
I am not going to waste my money, but take full advantage of it.
(by the way it’s cheaper this time around then it was when i was a member years ago)
 
so i have goals…and the gym will help me be successful.
i am so excited i could pee!!!
 
and now the fun part
i am going shopping.
getting my work out outfits
as i’ve said before i work out in my skivvies at home…i am sure people at the gym wouldn’t appreciate that
or would they?
lol
 
no lululemon for me…yet. 
i mean i love their stuff…but it’s way over priced…and i hate hate hate that people buy those clothes for the look…and not for the work out
these clothes are designed for you to work out in
not to prance around the city thinking you look fine
 
wow – i went off on a rant didn’t i lol
 
so yeah, clothes shopping tonight.
i am sooooo excited!!!

wordpress counterAnd on to some completely unrelated news – cause i gotta be me…
I finally got the new Adele cd…
I put it on while driving to work…and ended up sitting in the parking lot at work unable to get out of my car, because my ears could not get enough of this album. 15 minutes later and i forced myself to turn it off.
It’s AMAZING.
get thee to a store and buy it NOW. (sorry didn’t mean to be so demanding)


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life

i have just spent the day at the beach.

my body is glistening from the sun…even tho it was over cast

i am glowing…i am sun kissed…i am in love

and i realize this has nothing to do with being healthy…maybe some may say tht i am not being healthy at all….

but i gotta tell you

i am in love with my life.  i have never felt so in love with everything.
it’s unfamiliar…this love…

this is my life…and someone should pinch me cause surely i am dreaming…

and j, it’s a fuckin’ savage tan. lol

i am currently sitting on a porch…watching the sun set…glowing from the outside in…taking it all in.  and there is much to take in.

feeling my skin tingling.

the day was overcast, however….i had about an hour of pure, intense one on one love from the sun

the sunlight blessing me.  it’s just what i needed.

and now i have just discovered a blackeberry app for wordpress….

this could be a shit load of trouble

tonight, i am just inlove.

that is all


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spinning

my friend has mentioned taking spin classes a couple of times.  each time she has i have felt knots in my stomach.
bee does not do gyms.
nuh-uh
i did do gyms…but it was not a good experience.  i got a discount on a membership through my work many moons ago and to be fair i did go alot at first.  but it was just weird changing in front of higher management….these women saw me naked….
brrr…it was just wrong.
not only that…i felt like i was going to a fashion show instead of a place to get sweaty and gross.
women would be dressed to the nines with make up freshly applied.  seriously.  who does that?
anyways…i got really stressed out with the stares and the whispers…cause i became quite the outcast in my t-shirt and work out shorts
apparently that was not apropo attire.
i got so stressed out that i was having mini anxiety attacks,  so i just stopped going.
the only times i was going was when my work crush was there…sad but true.  anything for some eye candy lol

so then a gym was opening up literally right beside my house.  i thought it was great!!  fresh start, close to home…no excuse.
i was a member of that gym for two years and did not step foot in there once.  well i did once, and that was to cancel my membership
money well spent bee.

my friend and i were supposed to take Zumba classes.  have you heard of it?  you can read abit about it here
that never did transpire…maybe i should hit her up on the idea again…

so yeah,  not so sure i want to throw myself back in to the torturous world of “the gym”
i get sweaty palms just thinking about it.

meh, i’ll think about it while i’m laying on the beach, sporting my bikini getting sun kissed all over this weekend 🙂
(more on that at the blog next door)

i have a feeling the answer will still be no.

have an awesome weekend kids

This is an awesome song….enjoy.  click me
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