Tag Archives: bad day

i suck at this

it was one of those days.
when i say “one of those days” i mean god awful, haven’t felt such a range of emotions in a very long time kind of days.

you know those days…very infrequent and yet when they come, you feel like you just had the wind knocked outta you.

it’s still very much one of those days.

it’s one of those days that start with a middle of the night phone call feeling.
nothing good ever comes out of those phone calls
you wake up disoriented, heart racing, palms sweating, wondering how your life is going to change the moment you say “hello”

yes it was one of those days…

i can’t really get into the details, because it is not my story to tell…and i need to respect those that i love and those that this affects
but it’s safe to say today was not a good day.

i was highly stressed…and when i am highly stressed…i become almost manic.

i can’t sit still, i either don’t eat, but more than likely i eat way more than i should.
i felt like i was hand to mouth all day…and really i probably was…but all the food was on plan…so who cares.
i sat at my desk, but i am not too sure i accomplished much.  i paced the halls, took a million breaks
reorganized my desk about a million times
i had a serious case of vowel movements – yes vowel movements. ( i heard that on the radio and though it clever!!  so much better than verbal diarrhea)
anyways…my poor coworker – she had to listen to me talk…a mile a minute…i musta sounded like i was on crack
but she gets me – and she knows me – and she knew what was going on
so she listened…very very sweet of her

it was already decided before i even got home what it was that i was going to have for dinner
dill pickle chips, chocolate covered almonds and wine.
there was just no use in denying that i was completely in self soothe mode.  i can’t remember honestly when the last time was i did this.

i don’t know how i kept half my brain in tact.  there were no small bags of dill pickle chips – so i woulda had to buy the big one
i decided instead to buy the small bag of regular – equally good.
i bought a small box of chocolates.  not the big ass container beside it.  i don’t know how i did that
i passed by the ben and jerry’s and made my way home.

i ate half the chocolate, and haven’t even touched the chips.
all the chocolate did was make me sleepy and light headed and gave me a serious case of heart burn
i can’t even self soothe properly.
i am almost embarrassed to admit – i really wish i had a salad!!!

my mind is in over drive.  there is so much in there that i swear i smell smoke.
everything that i can think about – i am thinking about

that could be dangerous when i couple these thoughts with the glass or two of red that’s waiting for me.
and there is a Criminal Minds marathon on right now.
this would be a huge score if i wasn’t so blaaahhh.

maybe there will be a buzzed bee post.
nah…i’ll keep those thoughts to myself.

maybe a day at the spa is in order tomorrow….i’ll get my nails did
hope everyone else’s day didn’t suck ass.

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short shorts and a random brain

i am feeling much better today – thanks to those concerned 🙂
although i gotta say that the day didn’t get better and my morning started off terribly!
when it rains it pours i guess.

i bought a pair of work out shorts the other day.
since it’s summer and work outs are getting harder because of the heat
i decided i should wear as little clothing as possible.  a pair of work out shorts seemed like a brilliant idea
so i put them on and walked over to the gym (my third day in a row – can you say sore muscles?)
i was rocking the shorts.

i started my work out…and don’t the shorts constantly bunch up?
there is nothing harder than moving like a maniac on an elliptical and trying to pull your shorts down at the same time
these things were riding so high i am sure the people behind me saw the full moon a couple of hours early 🙂
normally…as you know…i care not what other people think
but seriously?  no one needed to see that.  i felt so insecure…wondering how much of my ass was hanging out.
so i am rethinking the shorts.  maybe i will keep them for hanging out at home.
the shorts were a bad idea.  good intentions – bad idea.
i may as well have just gone to the gym in my skivvies.

it was a frustrating workout – but i got through it.

got my iced coffee as my reward for keeping my shorts on and headed home to cook dinner.

dinner was cooked (not so hard as i had quite a bit of leftovers), dishes done…time to chill for a little.
i started to doze off when the phone rang.  it was my beautiful niece.
she had stories to share.
she was talking so fast and was so super hyper i only made out a couple of words.  my mom came on the phone to translate.
turns out that the little brat just decided to leave her house and go to my parents house.  by.herself.
insert heart in my throat emoticon here.

she is 2 and a half years old and she is walking up the street alone.
crazy child…and bad daddy.
she on the other hand was very impressed with her independent jaunt
oh man she is gonna be trouble when she gets older…i can feel it in my bones lol
so much like auntie bee this one is

i intended to wake up this morning earlier than normal
i wanted to stop and order a cake for a very special someone before work

i woke up and felt “off”.  looked at the clock and there was no time displayed
ran out to the main room and noticed all the power was off.
oy.
what time is it?????
i slept in by 20 min.  got ready so fast…thank god the hot water had not run out…
but i had no hair dryer or straightener
i am looking like a mad woman today.
a kind coworker told me that crazy hair is in this summer…god bless her soul.
biotch

things can only get better
besides i have a very important date this evening…
now there’s something to look forward to!

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the power of friendship

i had a day yesterday.  not a bad day.  just a day.

i was unexpectedly sucked into a time vortex and it had me feeling rather blaaaahhhhh.

nothing good comes from over thinking anything…especially things that you cannot change.
i was going to blog about it yesterday…but i didn’t even have the energy to put in words what it was that i was feeling.
i didn’t even know what it was that i was feeling.
besides it would be a blog next door thing…
boo.

i like to use my past as a measuring tool.  to see where i came from and where i am now.
i certainly don’t like to sit in it and dwell and think and wonder about the what ifs and run scenarios around in my head that ultimately…at the end of the day really just don’t matter.
the past is buried.  you cannot bring back to life what’s dead…
am i making any sense? lol
it’s ok…it’s for me to understand anyways.

it is what it is.

and what it was yesterday was gym day.

i had zero desire to go get my sweat on if i gotta be honest with you.
i just wanted to go home and bake a cheesecake…and eat it lol
or better yet, i just wanted to go home and drink a glass of wine or two.

but my gym buddy was not cancelling on me.
if she wasn’t cancelling…i couldn’t either.

so we went with me having zero motivation – which i gotta say…never happens.
i just didn’t want to be there.
i just wanted to be at home chewing and mulling thoughts…cause you know that’s productive!

my gym buddy… who i shall refer to as GB from now on..as it takes less time to type out…
knew what was going on in my head…as we talked during the day.
she knew where i was at…and it was her mission to get me outta that head space.

she had me on an elliptical race.  we went on one…and it just didn’t feel right
and so we went to the other side of the room on two other ones…where they still didn’t feel right…
i guess i had a pained expression on my face…
and we looked at eachother…
which initiated the kind of laughter i can only describe as forbidden.
you know the kind…laughing hysterically at church…or a funeral.
the more we tried not to laugh, the louder it came out…with me at one point actually trying to
cross my legs while on the elliptical…cause well…i was gonna pee in my pretty yoga pants.
i do believe if i had a free hand i woulda grabbed my crotch and done my famous pee-pee dance
(ok it’s only famous around my friends, but whatever don’t judge me!)

we got looks…we were outta control…
we couldn’t breathe from working out and laughing at the same time.

and in that very moment i knew i was exactly where i needed to be.

and in that very moment i was grateful for my amazing friendships, grateful for the people that get me…understand the way my head works and bring me out of it.

ya know…each friend in my life is uniquely different….
with GB i can vent to my heart’s content…and laugh until the tears run down my face.

and so the world didn’t end yesterday because i was forced down memory lane.
(it’s supposed to end on the 21st anyways right?)
no, the world did not shut down and stop existing…

the world is exactly as it should be…and i was reminded that where i am…is more than good enough..because… i am loved.

sooooooooooooooooo anyways…

in honour of my girl Adele performing in my awesome city tonight…click here to get your hump on 🙂

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no soup for you!

you know that post yesterday where i was just happy?
where i was just going to have the best day ever???
well i did…for about an hour
then things got ugly.
rip people’s eyes out ugly.

this blog is not the space to write about it but i can assure you i wrote allllll about it next door.

but there was a part of my day that i thought was appropriate for this blog.

lunch.

yesterday, after the morning from absolute hell…i decided enough was enough and went down for lunch.
a break.

i do believe i smiled when i saw my choices.
the thing that made me most excited?
soup!!!!!!

it was a soup kind of day.
it was a crap day…cold day…a Monday.
soup it was.

I sit down…take a spoonful…and it tasted so damn good.
second spoonful…
hmm.
something quite foreign in my mouth me thinks.
i reach in with my fingers and pull through my lips
a gross, black, coarse thick hair about an inch long.
oh mahhh gawd.

gag reflex was a go
i don’t know how i stopped myself from vomiting.
it was disgusting!

i returned the soup, and the hair back to the kitchen.
they were very apologetic and offered me something else.
no thank you.
how the hell do you eat after that?

all afternoon, my body would just shudder…every time the visual ran through my brain.
i was nauseous all afternoon too
i was a write off.
totally

see, i am a sensitive girl to begin with.
especially when it comes to food.

do you remember my road kill and chicken salad phase?
i think it took me months to ever eat chicken salad again.

if something grosses me out…that’s it.
done.

so, soup is no longer on my list of things to eat.
will i be able to ever eat it again?
the way i feel right now…and the way my whole body just shuddered at the hair incident…
it would be safe to say

no soup for me…for a very very long time.
bahhh
(shudder)

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