Monthly Archives: March 2018

perception

the past few months have really been huge

there has been a shift in me
in my energy

in my perception

life isn’t easy…let’s not pretend

life can be hard – stressful
it can shake you down

or it can build you up

i got tired of the negative voice in my head

no i’m not a negative person by default
but i am human – and i let things get to me

add to that how very analytical my brain is – and doesn’t shut off

well it can be a mess in there

then i started to think

about losses

things in my life that i felt i lost
or let go of
because i wasn’t good enough to have them etc

i wasn’t worthy

everything i have lost is my doing

blah blah blah

all these self defeating thoughts
going round and round like a loop in my head

making me feel really unlovable
i couldn’t even like myself

all these damn things

these things that were weighing me down
were not actually things
but me

no one or nothing can have that kind of power over you
unless you allow them to

it really is that simple
and that hard
all in the same breath

the things i have “lost”
i never lost
they weren’t mine to begin with

things that made me feel bad
bad about me, bad about life, bad about everything

those things never belonged to me either

i’m pretty fucking awesome kids

i have a good life – borderline great
i have amazing family and friends
people who would do anything for me

i have love – lots of it
and i feel it every single day of my life
even on those days that the world seems a little dark

losses are not mine to own
feelings of not being enough don’t belong here in this house i keep either

i keep my circle small
because i am aware of what and who i deserve

i know my worth

the rest is just noise
the rest is baggage
the rest is unworthy of a moment of your precious time

and once it clicked

i mean really clicked

shit started changing

my mood

my energy

my laughter

i felt lighter
literally and figuratively

​it seemed like as soon as my mind and my body connected this
the weight started coming off overnight!​

stress is a heavy load to carry
and i carried the weight of the world on my shoulders

once i actually realized my worth

what i give to the universe

to those closest to me

the endless supply of my love and affection of those deserving

it seemed my life changed in the blink of an eye

i can’t explain it any more or any less

it just is what it is

change your perception

and see what changes in you

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guilty pleasure

i love to dance

i mean love

but can i dance?

that would be a big fat no. this girl has no rhythm

(although i am queen of chair dancing)

you will never see me dancing in public, unless there is alcohol involved
because then – well – i am a total superstar

the fact that i can’t dance – does not mean i shouldn’t dance

and so i am doing some hip hop – in the comfort of my own home

sure, i may have kicked a dog or two so far

sure, i’ve almost peed my pants laughing at how ridiculous i must look

and yes – i’ve heard laughter coming from the peanut gallery when i am not alone

but

who cares???

it’s FUN!

i have learned that there is no point in doing something you hate

there is nothing worse than trying to talk yourself into a daily work out when you hate it

so why not do something you love?

and i love dancing!

it’s only day 2 and my body hurts from head to toe

so you can’t tell me it’s not doing anything for me

and the upside?

it’s in the comfort of my own home
so i can look the fool all i want

i don’t care

do what you love

love what you do

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game on

it’s official

i just booked my vacation today!!!!

i cannot believe how blessed my life is

i made a promise to myself a few years ago – to simply travel more

go and live and love my life

and now my countdown can officially begin!!!!

my nutrition has been on point
but my working out has been non existent

come monday – that is all going to change

not that there’s anything wrong with my current bikini body
but a little exercise can’t hurt

so often we talk about physical health/transformation

what about mental health?
spiritual health?

a couple of years ago i promised to take care of me
in all aspects

my soul being priority

this vacation has set my soul on fire

i can’t wait!

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hangover

i had an unplanned cheat meal yesterday

i met up with friends for dinner last night
at my favourite little family owned restaurant
known for it’s kick ass amazing pizza

i didn’t go in there thinking i was going to eat pizza

but that’s exactly what i ended up doing

it was a last minute decision – with zero guilt

i have stayed on course – i’ve been doing great
and i know from other times
one cheat meal is not going to derail me

actually – in the past it has actually helped me!

ugh but man oh man
is my body ever punishing me

i have not felt well since last night

i’ve been popping tums like candy
drinking a ton of water
and all i want to do is sleep

sure – daylight savings probably isn’t helping

but i know a carb hangover when i feel it

and this is definitely what’s going on

after detoxing for over 2 months
my body once again reminded me
how much it loathes carbs

(even though my mouth seems to rather enjoy them at the time)

lesson learned

till of course
i find myself in a sushi restaurant
unable to say no

but based on how i have been feeling all day

that ain’t happening any time soon

moral of the story

we all fall down from time to time

the important thing is how quickly you get back up
wipe yourself off
and start again

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