finding myself

umm hi
remember me?

i have a blog – you know – about health and weight loss

let me tell you something.

i’ve been lost.
so very lost

i haven’t seen the inside of the gym since last February, although i see it every single day from the outside.

i’ve had good intentions.  honestly.

but truth be told…i’ve been bummed out.

alot has happened…and i let negativity get the best of me.

i’ve been through some serious life changes.  lost some people that meant the world to me.
so i decided…not to care.
it wasn’t a conscious decision.
i think it was…
i just couldn’t move.

it was easier to sit on my couch and feel badly.
because it almost felt wrong feeling good.

i’ve maintained pretty well considering.

obviously i’ve gained some weight – and i feel so sluggish and blah it’s unbelievable.
but i still fit into my clothes.

let me tell you something.  just because you fit into your clothes – doesn’t mean you should be wearing them.

it’s an all consuming thing…this thing that i am living through.
i hate feeling poorly…and yet i contribute to it daily.

i forget sometimes that i have people in my life that love me unconditionally…just the way i am.

how is it that i let those that love me with conditions affect me more than those that love for exactly who i am?


it’s true…my time is limited.  i don’t know where i could possibly fit in the gym these days.
and so it’s easier to just sit here
and feel badly about it.

i have motivation – somewhere in there

i’ve got all the work out dvd’s i could ever want.

and i have good intentions…and a gym right next door.

i’ve let this thing hurt me more than it should.

i’m actually letting it win – by not doing anything about it.

it is what it is…and it’s not going to change.
it’s a new chapter in my life i gotta get used to living.

it’s just hard when people you love – stop loving you.
it changes you.

besides, wordpress renewed my domain without giving me any notice…so i have a year to fill this space up.
so sadly – you are stuck with me.

truth is…i want me back
i want to feel comfortable in my skin again

i want to feel healthy and energetic…and ok.

i’ve let all this crap affect me for way too long – that i can’t use it as an excuse anymore.

i just need help.

just wanted to come here to let you all know – that i am on my way
i am coming back…

if i don’t – evil wins

and i am better than that

better than them.

help me find my mojo?


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8 thoughts on “finding myself

      1. Clark Kent

        Sometimes it is what calls to us inside that brings it out for the whole world to feel it is what saves the world when we do.. never stop my friend.. This post was brilliant!

  1. lunachyq

    Oh Bess, I am so sorry you are going through such a rough spot. I’m not sure how to help or what to say so I’ll say this- I’ve lost myself too, so I know how crappy you must be feeling about it. If there is anything I can do to help please tell me. I adore you just the way you are but that doesn’t mean anything when you’re not comfortable in your own skin. Big love to you, dimples ::-)

    1. losing bee Post author

      thanks for the love lunchy, that is all i need 🙂
      i think what i realized last night that we all get lost. but we always find our way. i need to remember that. we are only human. thank you for making me feel loved.
      looks like the drama queen in me came out last night ehh? lol

      xoxoxox love you

  2. Mermie

    It sucks when it is about family. I am Greek-Italian. We are so family orientated. Sending you a light to find your way through all of this… i know you will find your way. Sending you love tonight.

    1. losing bee Post author

      mermie! nice to see you here! yes, i remembered that you have some greek blood in those veins.
      my family is very family oriented too…but also very traditional and old school. everything is as it should be. i know without a doubt – my life is sweet 🙂
      thank you for coming here to give me some love. much needed and very much appreciated


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