the plan is – there is no plan

that’s where things are at these days.

i haven’t written lately, because there hasn’t been much to write about…in terms of low carb and working out that is.

i have been off track.  maybe off track isn’t the right term…i’ve completely derailed in my journey to a smaller bee.

with Christmas, and then being sick, to other things, time has flown by and i cannot believe i am in to March and still trying to find my groove.

i have not been low carbing. i have also not been high carbing.
lately it’s been simple.  i eat what i crave, what i feel will nourish my soul – and not so much my body.

you would be surprised at the things i crave – and i mean insanely crave.
i crave fruit, orange juice, whole grain bread.
and then more fruit..
and again more fruit.

i crave salads and veggies and then some more fruit
and chicken salad wraps –  whole wheat.
i crave soups in a big way too.

no it’s not always that healthy.  i won’t tell you about the pizza i ate at 10 pm the other night
or what about all the Ben and Jerry’s I ate when i was sick.

i also won’t tell you how natural and good it feels.

it’s not like i’ve completely strayed, but i have definitely allowed foods back into my life that i put on the deny list years ago.

i’ve come to a few realizations.

since upping my carbs – my headaches have decreased tremendously.
i am barely getting them anymore.
that in itself is a god send to me.

i’ve also realized that the foods i crave, still affect my body in a negative way
and sometimes i wonder if it’s worth it.
but it does pass…and before long i am feeling ok again.
and i have realized that this is just how my body is wired…and always will be.

i’ve also realized that since December, i haven’t gained much weight if any at all…
my clothes all fit – and i am still battling the same bulge i was in December.

i haven’t been to the gym in a month – and although there has been a little bit of self anger, i am really not feeling as bad as i thought i would.
the gym is not off the table.  i plan on getting back to the swing of things this week.

i figure if i work out 3-4 times a week – maintain myself as i am (well i still want to lose the holiday pounds) i will be just fine.

i realized a few extra pounds on my body does not make me unworthy or less beautiful.

i realized i put too much stress on myself by feeling like i was always disappointing myself – and others.

but the biggest thing i have realized.  sometimes the soul needs more nourishment than the body
that if your soul is broken, your body is too.

right now i am concentrating on my soul.
feeding it and nourishing that part of myself.
my soul needs more care than my body right now…

and so the plan is – there is no plan.

the plan is simple.

the plan is to take care of me – whatever that may entail.

where this leads in terms of “diet” – i have no idea.  but for now, i am ok with that.



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4 thoughts on “the plan is – there is no plan

  1. Maxine's Daughter

    Dear Bee – you always seem to be reading my mind, or my life. I too, am stuck, but i know if I maybe cut myself some slack, keep up on my hydration and nutrition (with a few treats), listen to some favorite music, take walks 2-3 times a day, get plenty of rest – eventually the tide will turn. Hang in there. We will make it. Anyway, the Zodiac is coming into my sun sign.

    Reply
      1. Maxine's Daughter

        well, another B’Day. lol. geting older, getting better? well, it IS what it IS. I still love my Life. nobody tells me what to do except myself….well chill out myself. life is still good.

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