Monthly Archives: January 2012

facing a fear and its name is Zumba

i’ve been meaning to blog about this for days now – but i have been busy and sick
poor me right?

i can do alot of things alone. i actually enjoy doing things alone.

i have no problem going to dinner, the movies, road trips on my own.
i once debated going to a resort on my own – just for the peace of mind – but a part of me thinks that might just be too much alone time.

when i was in college and money was tight – i would still treat myself to an over the top dinner at a restaurant on my own..about once a month.
i would sit there and sip on my wine and write.
i would over tip – because i found the experience and the quiet so amazingly wonderful.

apparently there are some things i think that i can’t do alone.
one was go to the gym.
it was imperative that i had someone to go with me – otherwise i knew that i would not go and it would be a waste of money.
as i’ve mentioned before over here – i used to have great anxiety over walking into a gym alone.

same goes for the Zumba class i wanted to go to.
i somehow felt more secure jumping around like an idiot if i had someone i knew doing it with me.

no one wanted to go with me.  so i had two choices.  either face my fear head on
or just not go.

so i put on my fat pants and sat on my couch – feeling guilty as every second passed by.

LB gave me a good talking to.  this is something i have wanted to do forever.  she told me i didn’t need anyone
she said i would come home and wonder why i didn’t do it sooner.

and so i went.

and oh my god – i loved it!!!!!!!

sure, i was scared. i was born with two left feet.  i can’t dance unless i’ve consumed alcoholic beverages
and i am sure even then i just think i can dance
but probably look like a big ol’ fool.

my instructor is amazing.  she made me feel ever so welcome and has all these crazy ass moves that i know my hips were never designed to do.
i didn’t care – when in doubt – jump around like a mad fool!!!!

i felt a little bad – cause i spent the hour just staring at her ass.
it made me feel like a pervert…
but i had no idea what i was doing – and apparently you gotta do alot with your ass in these classes.
and so i had to stare.
If you are reading this Suellen i am sorry 🙂

when i was done i felt amazing.  it was some great cardio – and i was sweating from head to toe!!

i drove home – which is 8 minutes away…and when i went to get out of my car i was already sore
uh-oh
that can’t be good.

that was Friday – it is now Tuesday and only today did i start walking like i wasn’t 80.
my body has never, ever hurt that bad.  ever.

that bad side to this – if there ever is a bad side…
i was so pumped up after my class – i was awake until 2am!!!!!!
guess i won’t be doing a Monday night class if i plan on working the next day

So i faced one of my fears – and i plan on going back for more.
i don’t need anyone to go with me – i am perfectly capable of making an ass out of myself in front of strangers and feel ok about it 🙂

i’ve come down with some crappy head cold – i am hoping it’s gone by Friday so i can go jump around
like a mad crazy ass fool!!

i have a new addiction.  Zumba rocks my socks!

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do you know what peace of mind costs these days?

500 bucks

true story.

my car cost me 500 bucks.  there wasn’t even anything seriously wrong with it.  my check engine light came on because my spark plugs were misfiring.

it was also in need for a serious tune up.

not only could i not make it to the gym tonight – but i am also broke.

peace of mind ain’t cheap these days.
Zumba class tomorrow kids!!!!!!!  i am so nervous.  i found out my instructor to be is my next door neighbour – and i have a feeling she is going to whoop my ass.
ahhh what crushes are made of lol

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just the way my life goes

i had a horrible day yesterday.  i am not even going to get into the why’s – it was just horrible.
i was in a terrible mood for the whole day – and of course could not fall asleep at a decent hour – my mind was just a-goin’

i woke up late this morning – but in a much better mood
and i mean much better.  i didn’t feel like ripping anyone’s face off – so that was an improvement.

i am driving to work, listening to my music – in a great mood.
i put my car into fifth gear – and it does something.  i say “something” because i am not quite sure what exactly it did.
it was almost as if 5th gear didn’t register – as if i was floating for not even 2 seconds.
it was very quick – but it was noticeable.
as soon as it went back to “normal” the check engine light came on.
oy.

the next 25 minutes was a ride full of anxiety – i was never happier to be parked at work.

i spent the rest of the day feeling anxious and nervous – would the car be ok to get me home?
thank god i was incredibly busy – so that kept my mind half occupied for the day.

i drove home tonight.  nothing like driving for 35-40 minutes white knuckling it all the way…heart in my throat
i stopped at home to unload my car and grab my puppy – and off we went to drop the car to the mechanic.

i will be without car tomorrow so i will be working from home – praying to the car gods that this won’t cost me alot of money

the pup and i did have a wonderful walk home though – and i guess that will be all the exercise i will be getting today.
boo.
my sick car forced me to make a change of plans – and so the gym will have to wait until tomorrow.

oh and did i mention that as of the end of next month i have completely paid off my car???

of course life would work that way.  i expect nothing less.

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the universe said – let it go

i love the freedom working from home gives me.
i don’t do it often, but oh how i love it when i do.

today, when lunch time rolled around…i got into my work out clothes
and went to the gym and spent my half hour off – doing some cardio.

i loved it!!!!

when i got there, i forgot to take my sweatshirt off – i suppose because i was so cold

i see other people all bundled up working out and think to myself – my lord that person is going to die from the heat…how do they do it?!?!

but it was good!!!  i sweat more – and so i felt like i got more out if it.
it was great – and the place was a ghost town which is even better!
i got home – and went back to work.

it was a productive week.

now on to completely unrelated news…and a shout out to the universe:

as i was in my car today – i looked up and looked at an air freshener i’ve had for years – seriously – at least 5 years.
my ex had given to me it as a gift of some sort.

obviously it didn’t work as an air freshener for the longest time…but i loved it.
it is a little stiletto heel – and i have never been able to find one like it…
so i kept it – for its cuteness factor.
i have zero sentimental attachment to this thing…it’s just something i like to look at.

so as i was driving i was just wondering to myself if i should just throw it away
yeah it was cute – but it wasn’t anything i needed…and i don’t want to hold on to things that have no place in my life (like gifts from ex’s)

as i pondered this for a few minutes, i looked up at it – and literally in that exact moment
it fell off my rear view mirror and on the the floor.
the part that held it there completely disintegrated.

i guess i got my answer ehh?
another lesson in letting go.

i love me some universe!

hope you all have a great weekend – it’s going to be a good one!!!

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lesson learned

i am still trying to recover from the month-long “binge” i went on.

i would be lying if i said i don’t beat myself up over it.  cause i do.  i am pretty sure that’s normal though.

i know i can’t change what i did…but i can certainly change how i feel.

i’ve been on schedule this week with the gym.  Just when i thought i couldn’t do another minute of cardio – i managed do ten more.
i sweat my ass off – and it felt amazing.

who woulda thunk that this princess would actually enjoy sweating? lol
cause i do.

i got dressed this morning and am pretty sure a few bad, bad words came out of my mouth.  everything is a little more snug, a little more uncomfortable.
i couldn’t wait to get home just to take my pants off.

i know – i know it takes time.  if i never went off track, i would never be in this stupid head space.
maybe i will be brave enough and find myself at a Zumba class tomorrow and really kick some ass!!

lesson learned indeed.

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right up my alley

i found this the other night – and it just screamed my name.  i am sure many of you can relate!

on to other news…i managed 45 minutes of cardio yesterday, and it felt good.  damn good.  i cannot wait to get my butt back there tomorrow!

nothing else to report.  i am off to grab that glass of wine now and read a book.  a perfect ending to a very long day.

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suck it up buttercup

when it comes to buying clothes for me – my mom does a pretty amazing job.
she generally has great style, and for some reason always, and i mean always gets me clothes that fit exactly right.
that’s a hard thing to do – buy clothes for someone – at least it is for me…
but as my mom likes to tell me – she gave birth to me – she will always know lol

so – it’s no shock that i got clothes at Christmas.  i do every year.
and every year while i am visiting home – i try the clothes on just to make sure they fit.

not this year.

the clothes stayed in the box they came in with promises to my mom that i would try them on as soon as i got home.

but then there was my road trip – and so i had no time to try them on.

i finally tried them on last night.

i didn’t try them on because i know the devastation i feel when something doesn’t fit right.
i knew that i had gained weight over the holidays and thought it would be the dumbest move ever to try on clothes feeling the way i felt about myself.
that’s just asking for trouble.

bah – and so on they went yesterday.  everything fit!!!  one of the sweaters she got me was actually a little too big for my liking.

but just because they fit – doesn’t mean they fit right.  yes i can do the zipper up on my pants.  yes i can breathe in them…yes yes yes.
but they are a little more snug than they should be.  they are not as comfortable as they should be…
i feel like a piggy in a blanket.

i almost had an emotional breakdown last night – but you really can’t have one of those without any Ben and Jerry’s on hand – or dill pickle chips.
and so i didn’t.

i just sulked – and today i feel panicked.  and this panic has brought out in me a sense of motivation i haven’t seen for some time.

it’s making me plan in my head all the things i MUST do in order to get back to where i was before the holidays.
of course working out 3 hours a night is just not possible – but in my head the plan actually works.
lol

i feel terrible about treating my body the way i did over the holidays.  i feel like all the hard, disciplined work was for nothing.
i feel like if i had some self control, all that work would not have been in vain.

but i also feel the need to tell myself to get over it.  yeah, it sucks – i did it to myself – so deal with it.

so i am going to deal with it – and understand that it may take a month of really hard work to reverse everything i did.

i gotta be patient.  i didn’t gain it over night – i am not going to lose it over night.

someone needs to kick me in the ass when i forget that and feel sorry for myself.

i have a date with the elliptical tonight.  i have a feeling it’s going to kill me

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7 days later

the first week was difficult – not impossible though.

i survived.

i think the week was harder than normal since it was my first week back after 3 weeks off.
i was tired.  i was just tired from going to work, never mind the dreaded exhaustion that comes from getting back on track diet wise.
i didn’t make the gym as often as i wanted to, and i didn’t make it to my Zumba class – i was just too exhausted.
i am hoping that this week, i will feel more like myself and i can get back on track with my life.

we went grocery shopping today – almost 200 bucks later we have a fridge filled with good, yummy snacks.
all i wanted to buy was bags of dill pickle chips – it’s hard shopping and being hormonal!
everything bad looks good!
but, as long as i am at home – there is nothing here to eat that would make me feel guilty.

i plan on getting to bed early this week.
i find it helps so much when i am well rested – duh.  i know it’s not rocket science, but i like the night
so going to bed early doesn’t make me happy…

that’s my update.
i am doing alright.

i haven’t decided if i am going to the gym tomorrow or heading out to a Zumba class.
either one would be good….and i will do one or the other.  sitting idle tomorrow is not an option.
i can figure it out then.

i have 7 days under my belt – it’s only going to get easier from here!

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