i finally found it!

Christmas spirit.

it wasn’t in the gifts…or under the tree.

it wasn’t in my niece literally freaking out when she opened the gifts i got her – although i gotta say the joy in that little girl didn’t hurt.
it wasn’t about the monetary value of everything i was given – although i was spoiled rotten this year.

i guess i had always looked in those places for some sort of fulfilment.
but it was always anti climactic.  there has always been such a build up to the one day…so much rushing around…so much money to be spent, for literally minutes of gratification.
it’s always been a let down.
not that it wasn’t nice…because Christmas has always been “nice”.  just not as amazingly awesome as people build it up to be.

no, i never really found the Christmas spirit.

but i did this year.

i found it in my family…both blood, and the family i have created.
i found it around the dinner table – gathered around so many people i love…and that love me.
i found it in the conversation, in my fathers eyes…my mothers smile.
in the strangers we welcomed with open arms to our home.
i found it in all the children…all the new additions to my family –  blood and my own.

i found it when my niece jumped on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck and said “auntie bee, i love you so much…you are my best friend”
long after the gifts had been unwrapped.
i found it in my nephews smile the moment he laid his eyes on me…reaching out for me to hold him
i found it when my niece only wanted me to take her potty…and kissed me and said thank you.
i found it in the card she signed all by herself.

i found Christmas spirit when i cooked dinner tonight.  sure, the turkey was already made…but i made the rest of it  and i felt great doing so.
sitting in love – enjoying this time…because this is a memory…a moment i can look back on and smile…and remember the overwhelming love i felt in that very moment – 20 years later.

i didn’t count carbs, calories, obsess about when i would find time to go to the gym.
i didn’t care that all the food i have consumed over these past weeks would result in junk in my trunk, and make my clothes snug.

i learned this year, the spirit of the season.
it’s about the people who surround you…it’s about the people that love you…and that you love.

none of these people care about the size of my waist, or the calories i count.  they care about me.  just me.  and what a wonderful feeling that is.

this year i felt a sense of peace that i have never felt before.  a feeling of such extreme love for those in my life, i could never write down in words.
it’s just unexplainable.
i am at a loss for words…and that’s ok.  because this feeling inside me – is not for me to explain…it’s for me to enjoy and appreciate.
i am such a very lucky girl.  it amazes me how lucky i really am.

this my friends is Christmas spirit.

the Christmas joy continues…the next few days will no doubt be equally amazing.

for once in my life…i can honestly say, i love Christmas.
and it had nothing to do with the presents under the tree.

it’s about love.  true honest love.
how simple is that???
how did i not get that?

tomorrow i travel a couple of hours to see my best friend – an extension of my already crazy big family.
i can’t wait.

i hope your Christmas was beautiful as mine.
it just keeps getting better.

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