i suck at this

it was one of those days.
when i say “one of those days” i mean god awful, haven’t felt such a range of emotions in a very long time kind of days.

you know those days…very infrequent and yet when they come, you feel like you just had the wind knocked outta you.

it’s still very much one of those days.

it’s one of those days that start with a middle of the night phone call feeling.
nothing good ever comes out of those phone calls
you wake up disoriented, heart racing, palms sweating, wondering how your life is going to change the moment you say “hello”

yes it was one of those days…

i can’t really get into the details, because it is not my story to tell…and i need to respect those that i love and those that this affects
but it’s safe to say today was not a good day.

i was highly stressed…and when i am highly stressed…i become almost manic.

i can’t sit still, i either don’t eat, but more than likely i eat way more than i should.
i felt like i was hand to mouth all day…and really i probably was…but all the food was on plan…so who cares.
i sat at my desk, but i am not too sure i accomplished much.  i paced the halls, took a million breaks
reorganized my desk about a million times
i had a serious case of vowel movements – yes vowel movements. ( i heard that on the radio and though it clever!!  so much better than verbal diarrhea)
anyways…my poor coworker – she had to listen to me talk…a mile a minute…i musta sounded like i was on crack
but she gets me – and she knows me – and she knew what was going on
so she listened…very very sweet of her

it was already decided before i even got home what it was that i was going to have for dinner
dill pickle chips, chocolate covered almonds and wine.
there was just no use in denying that i was completely in self soothe mode.  i can’t remember honestly when the last time was i did this.

i don’t know how i kept half my brain in tact.  there were no small bags of dill pickle chips – so i woulda had to buy the big one
i decided instead to buy the small bag of regular – equally good.
i bought a small box of chocolates.  not the big ass container beside it.  i don’t know how i did that
i passed by the ben and jerry’s and made my way home.

i ate half the chocolate, and haven’t even touched the chips.
all the chocolate did was make me sleepy and light headed and gave me a serious case of heart burn
i can’t even self soothe properly.
i am almost embarrassed to admit – i really wish i had a salad!!!

my mind is in over drive.  there is so much in there that i swear i smell smoke.
everything that i can think about – i am thinking about

that could be dangerous when i couple these thoughts with the glass or two of red that’s waiting for me.
and there is a Criminal Minds marathon on right now.
this would be a huge score if i wasn’t so blaaahhh.

maybe there will be a buzzed bee post.
nah…i’ll keep those thoughts to myself.

maybe a day at the spa is in order tomorrow….i’ll get my nails did
hope everyone else’s day didn’t suck ass.

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