i’m a loser

and it feels good!!

after about a month of being on track – and as healthy as i can be…
i feel i can breathe a little better.

my clothes are fitting right once again…i don’t feel like a bloated fat mess anymore
i feel like me again
thank god.

i was on a very slippery slope a couple of months back
diving right back into my old patterns, my old behaviours
the only difference this time is – i stopped it – quickly.

i could have sat in that space – and made up excuse after excuse why i just couldn’t do it anymore
fall into that old familiar cycle.
you know the one.  you get depressed – so you eat.  it feels good at the time – and then you get depressed cause you are gaining weight – so you eat to feed the depression.
a merry go round of destructive behaviour.

bullshit
it’s all bullshit.
i can talk myself out of anything…or into anything
call it a gift…
so i went the extra mile and talked myself back to where i needed to be…
and today i am so happy i did.

i am back baby.
true – the gym has been a little sporadic lately.  i am still going but not as often as i’d like.
i am a busy girl and i think i just set my expectations too high.  it’s that go big or go home attitude.
i can’t be at the gym every day.  it’s just no feasible.
i can’t be everywhere at once…and so i needed to slow things down.
that’s ok.  i go when i go.  at least i go.

so today i walked into the office…and my bff brought me a gift
a sinful gift at that
a chai latte from Starbucks.  oh mah gawd.
i probably haven’t had a chai latte in well over a year.

when i woke up this morning i was debating what was more important to get done today
laundry or the gym?
laundry was winning the race until the chai latte

tonight it’s the gym….
because i am on a losing streak kids…i am getting rid of those stupid summer pounds…
i am a loser and i love it!

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