sometimes never really does mean never

my puppy is going through another growth spurt against my will.
sigh.
so with the growth spurt comes the extra visits out doors.  she is eating and drinking like a maniac – and so there have been many mad dashes to avoid messes.

so the other night – my poor baby really had to go.
i mean i had to run behind her to get her out asap.

there is about 10 feet from the pavement to the grass.  we ran down the stairs and ran across the pavement.
and that’s when it happened.

my ankle completely locked up for two consecutive steps.
it was painful and i had to stop and breathe, otherwise i am sure i would have screamed.  i don’t think my neighbours would have appreciated that after midnight.
i proceeded to limp through the walk – and woke up the same way.
today i am ok.

my point?  i always have one.

my dream to run again is just not going to happen.
and that’s ok.
it has to be ok.

to be honest i am surprised i haven’t seriously injured myself just walking.
i walk fast.  years of trying to keep up with other people with my really short legs 🙂
i don’t know how many times in a day…my ankle either locks or completely gives out.
i am telling you – i am the vision of grace.  i don’t think i have ever met anyone more clumsy on their feet than me.
if you know me in real life – you know i’m not lying!

For thanksgiving – i was wearing brand new flip flops.  my ankle completely gave out and i turned over on it with such force – i ruined my flip flops.
i loved those flip flops.

i gave up on running when i got hit by the car(s)
eventually i became ok with it.  i found other things to do to make me feel good and occupy my time.
i guess i recently got excited about the possibility of starting up again, since i’ve been making really great strides in my physical health ya know?
it just kinda bums me out.  it’s like when you tell me i can’t do something…i go outta my way to prove you are wrong.

i can’t do it this time.  all it will prove is that i am an idiot and i will probably end up being one with the sidewalk.
who wants that?

i am glad i got the nerve up to get a bike and ride it.  i am glad that i actually enjoy going to the gym.
so it’s ok.
the control freak in me will get over this eventually.
but it still does suck a bit.

the lesson i learned today?  that sometimes never, really does mean never.

c’est la vie

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4 thoughts on “sometimes never really does mean never

  1. Neeks

    So sorry you have to give up running, does wrapping the ankle help at all? Maybe the extra support would help? Hope you find something that does work for you!

    Reply
    1. losing bee Post author

      it’s ok 🙂 i gave up running over 20 years ago due to an accident. i just thought maybe i could start again, but it appears that my ankles will not allow me!
      i have never tried wrapping the ankle, thanks for the suggestion!

      Reply
      1. Neeks

        My arches collapsed over 10 years ago. While waiting for prescription shoe inserts to arrive, the podiatrist wrapped them in that white tape they use, you know, doctor stuff.
        I didn’t have any at home and used plain old clear packing tape, the one that’s about 3 inches wide. I was surprised at how MUCH support it gave me. Enough that I could almost walk normally, and that is saying a lot.
        I’ve never tried the stretchy ace bandages, not sure how much support they give. You can buy ankle/knee/arm supports at Walmart.

      2. losing bee Post author

        that sounds horribly painful!! i hope you are better now?? thanks for all the advice. perhaps when i get over my fear yet again – i will give it a go!

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