what we carry with us

sometimes i still get amazed at how much we can carry with us…and not even know it.

things from our past that have long been forgotten.  feelings – overwhelming emotions from decades ago can still punch you in the gut when you least expect it.

i had one of those very moments today.

i went birthday shopping for a certain little princess in my life – she is turning 3 🙂

so we wandered into all the kids stores and i finally found something i was really happy with –  a life size Dora!!! (i don’t even know who Dora is but apparently my princess loves her)  so part one of her gift was done.   as i was standing at the cash paying for my purchase…
i just happened to look up…
and what i saw literally took my breath away.  i felt my heart fall into my belly.

i’ve written about this several times – and so i will provide you with the shortest version here if you have never read my blog next door.

i had these two dolls.  i loved them.  i slept with them, sat with them, played with them.  they were never out of my sight.
one day an evil woman came along and threw these away.
both of them.
i was devastated – and i cried.  for a very very long time.  this evil woman laughed at me…in my face laughed at me.  i will also add that this woman was a relative.
i was just a kid….who throws away a kids toy?  an evil person that’s who.

obviously life went on.  i turned out pretty ok without these dolls.
i didn’t think they even made them anymore.

what were these dolls?
they were called monchichis.
i had a brown one and a pink one.  i loved them soooo very much.
i still remember the feeling they gave me…i feel it right now – this very moment.

and that is what i saw today at the store.  just a handful of monchichis.
i asked the sales lady how much they were…and decided they were a little out of my price range
they are apparently collectors items now.

so we continued shopping and had a wonderful day…but i couldn’t shake the doll out of my head.
i had decided to pick it up “another day” but what if there wasn’t “another day”???
what if it sold?
what if i went back and it wasn’t there?  how would that make me feel????
it would make me feel as terrible as the day the evil woman threw them away.

i went back to the store to buy it.

my beautiful amazing shopping companion would not let me pay for it….i was gifted the most wonderful gift.
a monchichi.
i felt like i was re gifted a part of my childhood.

as the sales lady brought the box down from the shelf and set it infront of me…

my little 6-7 year old self was present…and i could only do what any normal, elated, overwhelmed child would do.
i was handed my monchichi and…i started to cry.
i cried.
right there.  at the sales counter.

it really was a terrible thing to the child in me losing those dolls
i never knew that i would feel the way that i did – the way that i feel now typing this out…30 years later.
this is the most precious gift i could ever be given
i was given a piece of my best childhood memories.  how amazing is that???

take a look at my new toy!!

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2 thoughts on “what we carry with us

  1. Susan

    What a beautiful experience to have not only find a monchichi but to come home with one thanks to a loving benefactor. See, Bee—there’s also a countereffect to a sad/bad expereince. Sometimes we have to wait a while, though….Enjoy. Beautiful post.


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