the proof is in my puddin’

i’ve gained weight.

there is no way to sugar coat it…or any way to deny it (believe me i’ve tried)
i’ve gained weight.

it was confirmed last weekend…when i went to go visit my family.
no – mom didn’t say i gained weight
she just didn’t say anything.  i already knew how i was feeling – but her lack of words said more than i wanted to hear

now when i say i’ve gained weight…we aren’t talking alot.  not alot at all.
enough that i can feel and see the difference.
my clothes still fit.  surprisingly enough…but they just don’t fit the same.
just enough to make me realize i either do something now or end up where i was a year and a half ago.

i get it.  there are more tragic things going on in the world than to worry about something so very insignificant
people are sick, people are dying, people are hurting.
most people would wish to have this ridiculous problem.
there are more important things happening in my own life to worry about the pounds i’ve put back on

it’s no big deal
this is how i am keeping my head screwed on.
it’s no big deal…
lather, rinse repeat.

it sets off alarm bells in my head.  but that’s a good thing.
to have alarms going off means that i am aware of the situation and i can stop it…now.
i’ve been on it – religiously for the past couple of weeks
clean eating and my 3 days at the gym.

the past couple of months have been busy.
it was summer and there were alot of social engagements going on.  i was a busy girl…and my regular day to day routine suffered for it.
it was fun – and i have no regrets…but that was the beginning of the downward spiral.
i also had some personal drama – that made me want to sit on the couch and eat comfort food instead of taking care of myself
that didn’t last long – but it happened and i am sure contributed to my gain.
people who are not worth it – should not be affecting my life that way
add on the insomnia and headache i’ve been nursing for about 3 weeks – which is most likely related to my last reason above…and i am just a hot mess.

i also got cocky.  i was at a very comfortable place when it came to my weight
and so i allowed myself to eat things – that most would consider healthy, but for me…and my PCOS…is a no no.

i started to eat sandwiches on multi grain bread – or burgers on multi grain buns
subs – again on multi grain bread
not every day – but perhaps once a week.
it’s now confirmed – that i just can’t do that.

and so yes…i’ve gained weight
i’ve taken a couple of days to feel sorry for myself…have a little cheese with my wine.
and now i am back to kicking some serious ass.

i am thinking of a trip to Greece in the summer
that means bikini wearing…lots and lots of bikini wearing.
i’ve got less than a year to get rockin’ abs.
i’ve got a goal on the horizon – i can do this.
i can do this right?

damn right i can

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1 thought on “the proof is in my puddin’

  1. davidisfat

    Yeah! you can do it. Sometimes life throws us curveballs and sometimes beanballs; I’ve had a pretty bad 10-day stretch: work, stress, bad sleep and no time or energy for workouts. So I’ve got to get my head screwed back on straight too.

    Good luck Bee.


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