so i saved the worst part of my shopping for my trip for today

the dreaded bikini shopping.

oy vay.

i went alone.  really, i don’t need to have a nervous breakdown around anyone do i??

it was horrible.  horrible is probably an understatement.

and i came up with this:

if i up my working out from 3 days a week to 7

my one hour to 3 hours a day

never ever even think of eating a bite of anything off plan

i may just be ready for next years big bikini outting

it’s defeat that i feel.
complete and utter defeat.

like what have i worked so damn hard for…for almost a year and a half????
i am not saying i haven’t been successful…because i know that i have

but i am no where near where my head thought i would be
and it kinda hurts
and it kinda just makes me think why bother.

kind of makes me just want to throw in the towel.

i won’t  – but this bikini business does not put me in a good mind set let me tell ya

what i saw going on in the mirror – no one needs to see…so no worries – pictures will not follow!

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9 thoughts on “defeat

  1. lunachyq

    Oh, Bee 😦 I can sit here and tell you you’re crazy all night long but the fact of the matter is this is how you feel right now and there’s nothing I can do about it. So I’m sorry you had a rough day of bikini shopping and I’m sorry that you feel so defeated right now.

    But don’t forget for one red hot minute that I would gladly kill a man to have your body, hottie 😉

  2. davidisfat

    I’m sure you know by now that we are our own worst critics, especially those of us who have disliked our own body images for a loooong time. But I think you can rest assured that the complete image (physical, emotional and intellectual) you present to others will be gratefully received with the utmost admiration.

    Good luck in good health,

  3. Struggling Dad

    My daughters (13, 15, 18) are all in reasonable shape but all of them worry they’re overweight. I don’t care if it’s an “American” thing or just something most people worry about, no matter what shape they’re in (or what shape they are), in the few photos I’ve seen of you (I haven’t searched the archives so probably have only seen a recent one), you looked in good shape.

    As they say, “chillax” about this! 🙂


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