so i saved the worst part of my shopping for my trip for today

the dreaded bikini shopping.

oy vay.

i went alone.  really, i don’t need to have a nervous breakdown around anyone do i??

it was horrible.  horrible is probably an understatement.

and i came up with this:

if i up my working out from 3 days a week to 7

my one hour to 3 hours a day

never ever even think of eating a bite of anything off plan

i may just be ready for next years big bikini outting

it’s defeat that i feel.
complete and utter defeat.

like what have i worked so damn hard for…for almost a year and a half????
i am not saying i haven’t been successful…because i know that i have

but i am no where near where my head thought i would be
and it kinda hurts
and it kinda just makes me think why bother.

kind of makes me just want to throw in the towel.

i won’t  – but this bikini business does not put me in a good mind set let me tell ya

what i saw going on in the mirror – no one needs to see…so no worries – pictures will not follow!