i’ve never been one to be comfortable in my own skin.
there was always something to work on, to perfect…accomplish
i am a perfectionist in everything i do…so this is not surprising.
i was looking back on my life. who i was, who i am…and who i am yet to be.
it’s been a year and 5 months since i made the decision to change my life.
i was so tired of being where i was…feeling like i just couldn’t move forward.
it was do or die.
i never could have imagined how these small changes would impact my life.
i am a different woman.
i was never ever the type of girl who would look in the mirror and say “hello beautiful”
in fact…i hated the mirror. i think the only time i ever stood in front of my mirror butt naked, was to stare at myself in disbelief. the horror i faced. to size myself up and put myself down. i would just stare, in total shock and pick myself apart.
yeah, i know. i was rough on me. but i always have been. i am my own worst critic.
just a year and a half ago, getting dressed in the morning was a struggle. sometimes it would make me cry…go into a full blown rage and throw my clothes around.
nothing fit right…nothing looked right…
it was torture.
pictures? no thanks. i would either hide my body behind someone, or if my picture had to be taken, my hands would always be over my belly…you know – if you can’t see it, it’s not there
special events? you might as well have liquored me up before going to the mall to try on dresses.
nothing would fit properly or hide my imperfections.
it was horrifying each and every time. i would be thrown into a deep and dark depression for days.
i feel so sad for hating me so much. i treated myself so terribly.
the best thing i have accomplished? i really do love myself. who knew.
Fast forward to today. The mirror and i are still working on having a healthy relationship. Of course i still look at myself and analyze every little spot…every little imperfection.
but today i can look in the mirror and smile and say – looking good bee. hey, maybe one day i can say “good morning beautiful”
i am a work in progress…but i gotta say…when i sit back and think about how much i have changed…i am in awe.
I am posting a picture here for you all to see – ( it’s really small but if you click on it you can see it full size)
this picture rocks my socks for several reasons:
1) i am truly happy – you can see it in my face
2) i am bra-less. i never thought that day would come!
3) i am wearing an extra small dress – i never thought that day would come either
4) i am not fidgeting or trying to hide.
5) i am comfortable in my skin
6) i am comfortable in my skin
7) and in case i didn’t mention it – i am comfortable in my skin.
and now for the bonus picture 🙂
this is me in my most important role of my life.
this child does not care if i am thin or fat, how my make up looks and if my hair is out of place.
this child loves me as i am…and wants to be loved. that is all that matters…love.
i think this kid is gonna teach me alot.
i am not perfect – and i still have work to do.
but i am getting there…and i am loved.