On Saturday, while sitting on a bench…taking a breather from shopping…
i became engrossed in people watching – i love it.
a girl walked by me that caught my eye…and so i did a double take.
i looked over at my lovely shopping companion and mentioned to her…that i thought the woman walking by looked just like me – body wise.
she looked at me as if i had 3 heads and said “is that really what you think you look like?”
ummm yeah…that’s what i mean by she looks just like me lol
apparently she didn’t see it. not even close she said. she then pointed out random women walking by and pointed out similar features – which i myself did not see.
I think i know what i look like. i see myself every day right??
it’s all about perception i s’pose.
one day a couple of years ago i actually met my doppelganger – standing in line waiting for my shawarma.
it was crazy to look at a person and see yourself staring back. but that’s another blog for another day…and more for the blog next door.
so it got me to thinking – but of course 🙂
last year this time, i was bikini shopping for my amazing vacation.
(has it been a year already???)
i was stressed and nervous, but i also felt pretty good about myself. it had been 3 months of clean eating and i had just incorporated turbo jam in to my routine.
the pounds were flying off…and so of course i was feeling good.
i felt damn good. so good in fact, the bikini rarely stayed on…as we preferred to swim nekkid any chance we got!!!!
it wasn’t a cockiness…far from it actually. i think it was the first time in a long time i felt comfortable in my own skin and i didn’t give a crap what anyone thought about me…nekkid. lol
i look back at those pictures now – a year later…and i wonder – girl what were you thinking??
i mean good on me for feeling confidant and trying to rock the bikini…
what i saw last year i don’t see now.
a year has passed…and it’s amazing how much can change in one year.
i could probably write a novel about all the significant, life altering changes i’ve experienced in the past year.
i am not the same girl i was last year, and i don’t intend to be the same girl next year.
life is all about changing – and for once i am completely open to that.
so what’s changed on the health/diet/weight loss front since last year?
well…i’ve continued eating healthy (more often than not)
i work out at the gym at least 3 times a week
i’ve lost at least 10-15 pounds since then.
and when i put two pictures side by side…i can visually see the changes.
i see the changes in my body from last year to this year…
i see where i’ve lost the most weight (boobs and belly)
i can see that i’m more toned
i can see the weight loss still didn’t take away my dimples 🙂
so why does the mere thought of sporting a bikini make me want to hurl?
maybe cause what i see, i don’t really feel?
in my mind i don’t think i am anywhere near where i want to be in order to rock a bikini
i can’t even fathom putting one on and feeling comfortable.
so what changed since last year? last year i was confidant enough to rock it…
why not now?
like i said…i can see the differences when you place the pictures side by side…but i just can’t mentally wrap my head around it i don’t think.
i think that when i look in the mirror – i still see bee from 2009.
and not to worry…summer is here kids…and i will be rockin’ a bikini whether i want to or not. my attitude hasn’t changed. i still don’t care what anyone thinks of me 🙂
one year – a lot of things change…some things just stay the same.