oy vay

i had an amazing day.

i got a lot accomplished…but that included eating things that are soooo not on my menu.
you know how it goes.  you feel like you can conquer the world…and anything goes.
i had amazing company…and life felt amazing…so carbs suddenly became ok as a staple on the menu.

ughhh….

i am tortured tonight…and reminded why i do what i do and why i do it.

as awesome as it is to see the pounds melt off of me…and to see my body changing…

i was reminded why i eat the way i do.
i was reminded that it never had a thing to do with being “skinny”.

i am tortured tonight…because i decided today would be the day i would stray from my “diet”

tonight i was reminded that this is NOT a diet…but a way of life…the way that my life needs to be in order to live in accordance to my body and my heart….and my poor belly.

it’s not worth the pain…not worth the back and forth in my head.

sooo not worth this pain that leaves me aching in the fetal position.

sometimes…only sometimes…i wish carbs were not the enemy.

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6 thoughts on “oy vay

  1. Maria

    Oy vey is right! I know exactly what you are talking about. I don’t ever feel full anymore. I changed it becuase every time I could feel my stomach stretch, the self-loathing would begin. I like to feel somewhat empty and eat a dozen little things throughout the day. Still, lately, a lot of those things have been BAD BAD BAD carbs. Bad carbs!

    Reply
    1. losing bee Post author

      you know what’s scary…i swore i felt my skin stretching this weekend. crazy! it’s impossible to gain 200 pounds in one day but that’s exactly how it felt…it’s so not worth it.

      Reply
  2. jmjbookblog

    I hear you, bee! Yesterday after working a 9-6pm shift with no breaks I just figured the easiest thing to do was go through the drive-thru…I had a double cheeseburger (lots of pickles) and wanted to kick myself about fifteen minutes later! 😦 But sometimes I think our brains crave it because it’s something we need…at least that’s what I’m telling myself so I don’t beat myself up all day today! 🙂 Have a great weekend! Do you celebrate Memorial Day? If you do have a Happy one and if not…have a Happy Monday! 🙂

    Reply
    1. losing bee Post author

      that’s a smart way to look at it jm, better than beating ourselves up!! nope..i am back to work tomorrow but have a very happy Memorial day!!!

      Reply
  3. musingmani

    Oh Bee….I understand your pain.
    I strayed as well…
    I am disappointed in myself.
    For giving in. For being weak.
    For letting the fucking carbs beat me again…

    Reply

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