guilt

we’ve all experienced it.

staying with a lover long after the love has gone
maintaining a friendship that no longer serves you
eating something not on plan and then feeling horrible afterwards…
all in the name of guilt.

when i was younger i used to tell my mom that when i was born
they must have handed her the mother’s guilt manual
and it must have been her bible.
it takes one look, or 3-4 words strung together to make me feel guilty as sin..to this day.
she’s got a way about her.

i have been struggling with huge guilt this week
Mamma’s guilt.
i am aware that i do not have any children of the human variety
but my furbabies are like my babies…and i love them.

the puppy has been on her own during the day this week
she has never been alone for a long period of time
i don’t have the money to take her to doggie day care
and so it is what it is.
she is just a baby…and it makes me feel so very guilty to have her go from never being alone
to being alone all day.
i sit at my desk with knots in my stomach all day…wondering what kind of mischief she is getting in to…what spot she has decided to relieve her little baby bladder on etc etc.

the first day (which i captured on video)
i sat outside my door for a few minutes, afraid to open it.  i was afraid of what i would find
i walked in…and she was a perfect angel.  no accidents…and my couch was still in tact
this went on for 3 days.

yesterday her resentment took over…and i came home to several pees.
oy vay.
not impressed.

but i can’t get mad.  it really isn’t her fault.
although she has been completely house trained since 5 months old (yes i am bragging)
i need to understand that the changes happening in my life…are also happening in hers.

i also go to the gym 3 times a week…which adds to my guilt.
i race home from work…i take her for a walk…and then i abandon her again for another almost 2 hours.
i feel like a terrible mamma.
i try to make up for it with treats and a lot of cuddle love time.

but guilt can be a good thing…a motivator
yesterday…being a day off from the gym
i threw on my work out pants…a sweatshirt…threw my hair back in a pony and brought out my Skechers that were retired for the winter.
we went for a 45 minute walk!
not too shabby for a day off of working out…and she very much enjoyed the sunshine and cool breeze.
i felt like a better mommy for it…and burned some calories
i also had my ego stroked as the boys whistled and honked at me as they drove by.
i still got it kids…lol
or they just thought the puppy was super cute 🙂

i won’t even talk about my dinner date last night
i am feeling waaaaay too guilty over the things i consumed
i will work it all out at the gym tonight…

sometimes…guilt can be a good thing

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2 thoughts on “guilt

  1. jmjbookblog

    My Italian mother is also very good at the guilt thing. 🙂 I think that’s why I laughed so hard when Charlie Sheen’s character on Two and a Half Men said “Pack your bags we’re going on a guilt trip.”! lol You are a very good Mommy to your furbabies…no one could give them the love that you give them. 🙂 Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂

    Reply

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