something i wrote

i decided i would get a little personal…since it’s Friday and all.

I was going through some old writing and found something that was written at the lowest of my lows.
I believe all my major changes,  accomplishments…and mind set was a result of my feelings when i wrote this.

i guess this was my rock bottom…and i feel comfortable enough to share it with you here…since i’ve let it all go 🙂
it’s amazing what a year can do to you and for you.

The Letting Go

i need to learn the art of letting go
seeing the flaws
beating myself up
expectations set so extremely high for myself and for others.

it tears away at you
bit by bit…takes away from who you are and what’s to be
i need to find the letting go

i need to lay anger, betrayal…of my own self
to rest
i need to inhale and exhale, deeper
i need to love myself , all of myself
including the stretch marks, the dimples….all of it.

i need to let go of sadness and despair
i need to understand that in this life i will be wronged over and over
and i in turn will wrong those i am supposed to love

i need to let go.

i hold on to every little thing
comments, whispers, looks
they burn in me and echo
i create mountains out of pebbles
and the turmoil weighs me down.

i need to learn the art of letting go
of deceptions, of deceit
i need to understand that not everyone has pure motives
and not everyone has your best interest in mind

i need to let go
of what i see when i look at me.
i need to let go of the words i use to describe myself
that i wouldn’t dare say to anyone else.
i want to love me like others love me
i need
i need
to find the letting go

i need to find the letting go
of allowing past hurts to creep up on me
and allowing them to take refuge in a heart that’s mostly healed
i need to let it go
i gotta let it go.

in the loves that almost were
and the children that almost blessed me
in the friends no longer friendly

the letting go

i need to find the letting go.

© 2010 bee

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5 thoughts on “something i wrote

  1. jmjbookblog

    bee, that is such a deep, touching, emotional and beautiful writing. 🙂 It made me realize that I too have to learn to let go…I have to let go of the feeling that I am and never will be my mother’s favorite child…I have to let go of asking myself why this is so because it is a question that has no answer…sometimes things are just the way they are and we have to accept that fact and move beyond it…I can be thankful for special people, such as you, bee, who God has sent into my life…to give me insight and friendship…for which I am grateful…thanks bee…you are made of awesome! 🙂

    Reply

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