Monthly Archives: April 2011

saturday smile

i dare you not to smile when you look at this face!!!

nothing like a huge dose of cuteness to make your day.

she’s sayin’ ” i am sooooo happy i get to spend the whole weekend with my mommy bee!! i love her sooooo much!”

lol

Hope your weekend is filled with as much happiness…and love!

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something i wrote

i decided i would get a little personal…since it’s Friday and all.

I was going through some old writing and found something that was written at the lowest of my lows.
I believe all my major changes,  accomplishments…and mind set was a result of my feelings when i wrote this.

i guess this was my rock bottom…and i feel comfortable enough to share it with you here…since i’ve let it all go 🙂
it’s amazing what a year can do to you and for you.

The Letting Go

i need to learn the art of letting go
seeing the flaws
beating myself up
expectations set so extremely high for myself and for others.

it tears away at you
bit by bit…takes away from who you are and what’s to be
i need to find the letting go

i need to lay anger, betrayal…of my own self
to rest
i need to inhale and exhale, deeper
i need to love myself , all of myself
including the stretch marks, the dimples….all of it.

i need to let go of sadness and despair
i need to understand that in this life i will be wronged over and over
and i in turn will wrong those i am supposed to love

i need to let go.

i hold on to every little thing
comments, whispers, looks
they burn in me and echo
i create mountains out of pebbles
and the turmoil weighs me down.

i need to learn the art of letting go
of deceptions, of deceit
i need to understand that not everyone has pure motives
and not everyone has your best interest in mind

i need to let go
of what i see when i look at me.
i need to let go of the words i use to describe myself
that i wouldn’t dare say to anyone else.
i want to love me like others love me
i need
i need
to find the letting go

i need to find the letting go
of allowing past hurts to creep up on me
and allowing them to take refuge in a heart that’s mostly healed
i need to let it go
i gotta let it go.

in the loves that almost were
and the children that almost blessed me
in the friends no longer friendly

the letting go

i need to find the letting go.

© 2010 bee

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right my wrong

once i recovered from my carb coma yesterday
i was ready to think about what i should have for dinner.

carbs are sneaky little buggers.
they play with your head.

after the whole afternoon was spent in a fog
and feeling like i could use a nap…
my brain was trying to convince me to keep going.

the little voice inside my head was saying
“well you already blew it with lunch…you might as well make a day of it”

so i started to think about Kraft Dinner, or a grilled cheese sandwich
some stove top stuffing ( i could eat a box of that…i love it!)
then i started thinking about Chinese food…a buffet perhaps
but i haven’t had Indian food in forever so why not eat that…
ohhhh and then there’s Thai food.
etc
etc
etc

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i could have totally given in and gone on a binge
that’s why i have to be so careful when i actually do cheat…sometimes it sets off other cravings…some that are hard to resist.

Yesterday i resisted the temptation…and i righted my lunch wrong lol

Thursdays are my happy days and i wasn’t going to ruin it by making myself feel guilty over all the crap that i ate.

And so this is what i made:

doesn’t that look absolutely delish?  cause it was ( and notice how none of the food touches lol)

i picked up some fresh rainbow trout.  seasoned it with lemon and garlic…and then steamed some green beans and tossed them in a little bit of butter, lemon and garlic.
it was amazing…my belly did a happy dance!!

i have a weekend of me time…
i think i am going to spend it outdoors…and then cooking up storms.
life is doing a major 180 as of Monday…mamma needs to prepare!

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worth.every.bite

i decided to be a little crazy today.

you know…stray off plan…and it’s only Thursday.
Man i am rebellious!

lol

Anyways…this is what i ended up having for lunch:

A stir fry!

this is the stir fry i have raved about before…that i get at work.

The picture doesn’t do it any justice.  You have to see it/eat it to believe it 🙂

They only make this once every two weeks and sometimes just once a month.

They also do not make this over the summer…so this was the last day it was being served until October!!

So i decided i had to go for it.

i made a deal with myself.  i said, self…if you eat this…no cheating over the weekend.

So typically when i eat something not so good…i reserve it for the weekend…

it’s gonna be a clean weekend kids…but it was soooo very worth it.

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dollar daze

I am so excited.
If you follow my blog, you will know one thing for certain.

I am a diet coke addict.

True story.

You would also know, that it’s not just any diet coke.  No, no…it’s gotta be McDonalds diet coke.

Any other diet coke just won’t do.

Soooo, my happy season has begun.
Dollar diet coke at McDonalds!!!
I can barely contain myself. Lol
I can get a large diet coke for ONE DOLLAR.

Oh it’s the simple things that make me so happy.

After the gym last night…I walked over to McDonalds and purchased my pop.  It was so beautiful out yesterday that my pop was actually sweating.

I sat outside…took in the beautiful night and sipped on my drink.

Heaven!
(So I have to pee every 10 minutes…it’s worth it.)

You know what’s even better???

The weather is getting warmer.  I soon will be able to saunter outdoors in my underpants.

(yes I do this – I look forward to doing this lol)

Nothing like sipping on a large diet coke whilst in yer panties
(unless it’s chugging back a cold beer on a hot summer day…in your panties)

This is the good life kids.

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matters of the heart

i was looking through some pictures last night.
album after album on the computer…bringing back so many different memories and emotions.

i noticed all of the pictures had 2 things in common
1 – food
2 – love

sometimes i complain that i have too much to do..too many places to be…
but looking back at these pictures, i realize how truly blessed i am.
blessed that i have so many people in my life that love me and want me around
what better feeling is there???

every special occasion is captured on camera. i would say “film” but that’s not really accurate these days 🙂
you have the typical bee pictures of food…and then you have all those other pictures…
people hugging, people smiling…people looking so very happy and completely unaware that they are being photographed
those are my favourite pictures.

i talk alot about food on here…well, because that’s this blogs primary focus
but i don’t think i’ve ever really talked about the way i love.

i’ve said the holidays are all about the food…
but i think i’ve changed my mind.

it’s all about the love.

whether you spend this time with the people you are related to…share the same blood line with
or with the family you have created through time
it’s all about love isn’t it?

sure, the food is part and parcel of the holidays
but i’d like to believe that the food tastes all the sweeter when you are with the ones you love.

how would the holidays feel without it?  without love?
losing those that you love…
i can assure you…the food would just be food…and the special day would be…just another day.

i have so many pictures, hugging those that matter most to me
where you can see the love just pouring out of me.
i am glad i have those.

sometimes i think about losing.
you know…losing someone i love.  i know it’s inevitable, but it’s still such a sad thought in my mind.

so i am grateful.  so very thankful
to be busy, to be overwhelmed, to have so much to do
because that means i am loved.
i am so very loved.

i decided to post this picture.  one of my favourites from the weekend!

this is me and my daddy.
he loves me 🙂
and you can tell by just one look at my face, that i very much love him back.
this was taken one week into his radiation treatment…3 more weeks to go.
we know he will be just fine…but…nothing lasts forever…and it makes you think…down the road…
to places you’d rather not let your mind wander to.

so i choose to make the memories…i choose to make as many awesome, amazing, fantastic memories
so i can always hold on and always remember.
and when i look back at the pictures, my heart will be warm with the love i felt in that very exact moment.

yeah, the food was awesome this weekend
but the love was even better.

i get that you need food to live.
but love?  love is what keeps you alive.

without it…life ain’t worth that much is it.

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thank you for yum

there was a big celebration last night kids 🙂

i took a special someone out for a special dinner…and brought with me my camera.  we celebrated a new beginning…a new chapter…to greater things a-comin’!!

ya know, it’s nice to go out for dinner with someone who doesn’t care if you want to take a million pictures of what’s about to go in to your belly.

what can i say?  i love food!

so allow me to make your mouth water!

i started off with….

yes, this is low carb beer…and i love it

then…

my caesar salad – no croutons

and my main meal:

medium rare steak with mushrooms, in a peppercorn sauce.  no worries, the baguette was for show…i didn’t eat it 🙂

followed by my thank you note:

annnnnnnd finally…the purrrffffect way to end the night:

Hope you enjoyed my food porn…god knows i did!

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and it’s over

thank God!!

after 48 hours of non stop feasting…this girl is done.

who knew i could put back so much food in such little time? lol

after today’s dinner…i just could not move.  at all.

i took pictures of dinner…but i just can’t bring myself to post them…i wonder if i will ever eat again!!

I hope everyone ate as well as i did, and that you had a wonderful Easter.

as for dessert…i coulda chomped on these cheeks all day long.  i mean look at that face!!!!

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one dinner down

one more to go!

i had an amazing Easter dinner with amazing people today!  i am still beyond stuffed!!
excuse me while i undo my pants 🙂

one more tomorrow and i am sure i will be bringing home leftovers that will last me for days.

lookie loo at what i ate:

of course…i started the day off with this:

and then i had:

looks delish yes???

and i get to do it alllll over tomorrow!!!

i may or may not have had some milk chocolate Lindt easter eggs….shhh don’t tell anyone!

ha!  not to worry…you know i will kill myself on the elliptical come monday….cause that’s the way i roll.

Happy Easter every bunny!

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today

is kinda like heaven 🙂

i got to sleep in on a Friday…

i am sipping on my 2nd cup of delish coffee…

going to get ready for a kick ass session at the gym (leaving my ipod at home)

then…i shall treat myself to a manicure, a lovely dinner…

and then off to spend time with lovely friends and a ton of puppies.

heaven right?

Happy Bunny weekend!!

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