you know that saying

a picture is worth a thousand words.
well it’s also worth a million different emotions!!
i had a reflective night last night.  i was going through old pictures, some old writings.
when i blog, here and next door…or just something for my eyes only…
i always do it through email.  i will log on to an email account…write…and send it to myself.
and so i went through stuff i wrote a long time ago…and was taken back to a different time and place.
anyways…i’ve once again completely strayed off point.
there’s this picture.
every time i see it i am pretty sure my face scrunches right up and i let out a moan of disgust.
true story.
i didn’t take this picture…so i don’t have any way of getting rid of the evidence.
i mean i could ask my friend to delete the picture – but it’s her picture.
So every time i am on facebook and going to my friends profiles this picture always pops up at the top (my friend and i have many of the same friends)
i don’t look at the picture…i make sure not to look at the picture…because i really, really hate this picture!!!
So last night…not only did i go to the album that the picture was in…i saved it on my computer…and i cropped it so you could just see my face.
talk about a sucker for punishment.
I remember exactly when this picture was taken. (which is amazing considering i cannot remember dates if my life depended on it)  It was in April of 2010, a month in to my low carbing…and as my friend would say…i thought i was a honey.
i thought i was looking pretty damn good.
it was a night out that i was looking forward to for months…to meet up with old friends and celebrate…
of course i tried my best to be a hottie.
looking back at that picture now..about 10 months later…
well…i can’t even look at the picture.  I’ve always had a round face…but when you are a chunky monkey…you tend to look like a chipmunk.
and so i ask…is beauty really just a state of mind????
i thought i was looking all hot and glam in the moment…but now on the outside looking in, i see that i must have been looking into some magical mirror that made me feel like a super star.
what does that say about my thoughts about myself today?
do i look better/thinner/smaller/healthier than i did say 10 months ago?
i really think i do.
but is that just my perception?
will i look at a picture from today in say…6 months time and cringe
and think “what the hell was i thinking”?
last night was a very reflective evening…the picture being the catalyst
i was going to post it here…but i would have to be seriously intoxicated to even consider such a foolish move!!!
seriously this picture makes me want to crawl into a deep dark hole.
what about you?  how do you feel when you look at pictures of yourself when you weren’t at your best?

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9 thoughts on “you know that saying

  1. Maria

    Again, I could have written this exact same post from my own feelings and experiences. I look back and wow, what was I thinking?

    I think the beauty comes from inner pride…pride in accomplishment. What’s not beautiful about that? 🙂

  2. Susan

    If only into a diet for a few days, I think we all start feeling thinner—we’re hungry, feel less constricted and deusions of appearance go along with those sensations. I’ve had very similar experiences….the pictures, bad and good, are valuable chronicles as we take our journeys….the trick is to get ride of the really bad ones, though!!!

  3. Maxine's Daughter

    for those of us lucky “few” who have finally found that *mind*body*spirit* connection to food, nourishment, and feeling well for the first time in a long time…we do not recognize the “old” me vs the “new” me. I’m different in all ways. I am not going to be persuaded to do anything I do not want to do.

  4. jmjbookblog

    You’re young, bee…wait until you are my age and you look back and can’t believe that some of the clothes we wear in younger years are not all that! lol Yet at the time they were so ‘in’! lol 🙂


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