Daily Archives: February 7, 2011

you know that saying

a picture is worth a thousand words.
well it’s also worth a million different emotions!!
i had a reflective night last night.  i was going through old pictures, some old writings.
when i blog, here and next door…or just something for my eyes only…
i always do it through email.  i will log on to an email account…write…and send it to myself.
and so i went through stuff i wrote a long time ago…and was taken back to a different time and place.
anyways…i’ve once again completely strayed off point.
there’s this picture.
every time i see it i am pretty sure my face scrunches right up and i let out a moan of disgust.
true story.
i didn’t take this picture…so i don’t have any way of getting rid of the evidence.
i mean i could ask my friend to delete the picture – but it’s her picture.
So every time i am on facebook and going to my friends profiles this picture always pops up at the top (my friend and i have many of the same friends)
i don’t look at the picture…i make sure not to look at the picture…because i really, really hate this picture!!!
So last night…not only did i go to the album that the picture was in…i saved it on my computer…and i cropped it so you could just see my face.
talk about a sucker for punishment.
I remember exactly when this picture was taken. (which is amazing considering i cannot remember dates if my life depended on it)  It was in April of 2010, a month in to my low carbing…and as my friend would say…i thought i was a honey.
i thought i was looking pretty damn good.
it was a night out that i was looking forward to for months…to meet up with old friends and celebrate…
of course i tried my best to be a hottie.
looking back at that picture now..about 10 months later…
well…i can’t even look at the picture.  I’ve always had a round face…but when you are a chunky monkey…you tend to look like a chipmunk.
and so i ask…is beauty really just a state of mind????
i thought i was looking all hot and glam in the moment…but now on the outside looking in, i see that i must have been looking into some magical mirror that made me feel like a super star.
what does that say about my thoughts about myself today?
do i look better/thinner/smaller/healthier than i did say 10 months ago?
i really think i do.
but is that just my perception?
will i look at a picture from today in say…6 months time and cringe
and think “what the hell was i thinking”?
last night was a very reflective evening…the picture being the catalyst
i was going to post it here…but i would have to be seriously intoxicated to even consider such a foolish move!!!
seriously this picture makes me want to crawl into a deep dark hole.
what about you?  how do you feel when you look at pictures of yourself when you weren’t at your best?

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