Monthly Archives: January 2011

the dress

every girl has the dress…ok… and perhaps the odd gentleman lol

but ladies, you know what i’m talking about right?

that one dress that you would give your first born for.

ahhhh the dress.

my dress has been sitting in my closet…for over 5 years now.
it has survived every closet cleaning
because i don’t think i will ever be able to get rid of it...ever.

i remember the day i bought this dress…who i was with…the feeling it gave me when i slipped it on.
the hours i spent staring at it and was amazed that something so beautiful…made me feel even more beautiful…so very feminine.

i was able to wear this dress twice…a few months apart, for 2 different events.
then the dress was never to be worn again….
the joys of getting fat.

it’s beautiful.  the softest material i ever felt against my skin.  it is black, long…with a train at the back..spaghetti straps…and just completely sexy and very form fitting.
it shows off every curve my body owns…and for some reason it actually makes my breasts look huge!!
it is just beautiful.

i have a black tie affair to go to this evening.  i emailed the person hosting this cancer charity event to get clarification on the dress code.  his response was…whatever makes you feel fabulous.
so i thought…awesome!  fat pants it is!!!!

i took the dress out of the closet…grabbed the strapless bra…and did something that could go either way.
either the dress would fit and i would go insane with joy…
or it wouldn’t fit and i would sit in the corner and cry.

it fit kids.
and it made me feel fabulous.

i ran laps around my house screeching like a little girl…woke the puppy from a dead sleep…

i have pics but i am not sharing them today.  the pics were taken when i had no make up on and was extremely stressed to the max about my mom
the dress looks fabulous…but i do not.

if i get any from this awesome charity event…i may just post.

cheers to the sexy black dress that every woman must have!!

on to completely unrelated news…but of course…

i heard this song (thank YOU for posting this on my facebook) and of course i got all weepy. Sara Bareilles has that power over me.

she did a cover of Yellow by Coldplay.  Click here to listen and love.

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a whole new world

in terms of numbers on a scale
i have entered a whole new world.
a new set of 10’s i like to call it.
i passed a threshold and i am ecstatic!!

i had mentioned a couple of months ago that i decided to start using the scale to my advantage
and use it as a tool.
i crunched some numbers, did some research and decided there was a number that i was comfortable being…
if of course i had to be a number.

anyways, this morning i decided to weigh in
i haven’t weighed myself since before christmas…and the number was not disappointing then.

when i went for my personal assessment at the gym…she weighed me and even then the number was good.
i factored in that it was late in the day…i was wearing heavy shoes…etc

so like i said…i weighed myself this morning…and i am in a whole new world of numbers
the last time i owned a scale was a long, long time ago…but i really don’t think the scale has shown these digits since my early 20’s!!

this is crazy!

so as far as numbers go…i am 4 pounds away from my goal weight.
4 pounds people!!!!!!

i won’t be down 4 pounds for my 1 year anniversary of low carbing, i just don’t think losing 4 pounds in 4 weeks is possible…but then again i never thought i would be where i am either!
i really don’t care what the scale says when March hits…as long as it doesn’t go up!
it’s 4 pounds…and i am in no rush to lose them.

with my mom needing emergency surgery, i am just a ball of nerves
and i could totally eat myself out of house and home
or just not eat at all…
stress is funny like that…but i wrote about that next door…and i’ll just leave it there…where it belongs.
unless of course you are the praying type and care to throw a prayer out there for her…that would be cool and appreciated.

anywhooo…4 pounds baby…4pounds!!

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it’s back on

oh yeah baby

i went to the gym tonight
and i feel freakin’ amazing
sure i probably won’t be able to walk for a couple of days
but that is soooo not the point

i did 40-50 minutes of ab work and weights
and then another 20 minutes of cardio
and i felt absolutely amazing

no…i didn’t have anyone show me how to use anything
nor did i need anyone
it was awesome kids
i felt like a million bucks!!

once my body recovers from the past 2 days..i will be getting my incredibly shrinking self back in there

the gym rocks!!!!

oh…and no back pain baby.

wanna know why?
because i am made of awesome 😉

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what awesome is

the Keg

with my favourite person

a big ass glass of red

sweet ambiance

prime rib with steamed veggies

great conversation

amazing service

staying on plan

just heaven

purrrrfect Friday night

awesome…just awesome

(sorry Maria lol)

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the gym – so NOT cool

last nights gym experience was disappointing.
actually i don’t think the word disappointing covers what i am feeling.
it really sucked.
any motivation, drive, ambition, excitement i had was sucked right outta me by the end of my first visit.
i went home last night completely deflated.
it wasn’t all a complete failure.
i really liked the personal trainer that was assigned to me.
a beautiful little irish lady…she was so freakin’ cute i wanted to punch her in the face!!  so nice and she actually got my sense of humour and threw the digs right back at me.
i mean what personal trainer would explain to you the art of engaging you core is like squeezing your stomach when you feel like you gotta take a crap?  she spoke my language lol
it was confirmed rather quickly that i am injuring my own back.  you know how i’ve been complaining non stop about my sore back?
i am not working out properly.
so basically all this kick ass work i’ve been doing at home – i’ve been doing wrong.  i was initially disappointed…but on reflection…it still worked to a degree…cause i have muscles i never knew existed…and i have lost weight.
i am also disappointed by my stamina.  i am not as fit as i believed to be. this morning i woke up with a new mind set…i am not as disappointed because i will be going to the gym to build up my stamina.
So the training was good.  we were told that we would learn how to use the equipment…but that was a lie.  a big fat lie.
but i will get to that.
So we finished with the training…and let me just add that my friend and i went together.  usually one person gets an hour to themselves but because we went together we got an hour and a half.  whatever.  but i will come back to that too
then we are told we are off to talk to this guy M.  I asked why…and she said it’s just what you do after the fit test…go over your results.
We went in the room and the guy turned me off pretty much right away.  he spoke about us like we weren’t even in the room.
referring to us as “she, her, they”…but never talked TO us.
well…not until money became the topic of conversation.
In a nut shell…cause god knows i could go on about this forever…
he literally told us we would not be successful without being trained.
he also said we would not lose weight or tone without a personal trainer.
he also told us that we had a full hour on the floor with the trainer and we were lucky to have that…when our personal trainer told us just not even 15 min before that she was sorry she couldn’t give us the time she gives most people because there were 2 of us.
He also told us that he counts on people joining and not showing up…or people not using a personal trainer cause it puts money into the gym and people still stay overweight.
who says that?????
I would love nothing more than to have a personal trainer.  obviously who wouldn’t???
Apparently even to learn how to use the machines you need a personal trainer.  whatever.
I cannot afford over 100 bucks a month to get ONE training session every two weeks. 
he gave us guilt and grief about being committed to our health…which at that point i had just about enough.
i told him by me sitting in this chair in front of him spoke volumes about my commitment…that i made the huge step of joining a gym for a year because i was committed to my health.
he pissed me right off.
i walked out of that gym with that voice in my head telling me… wow – wasted money…because i am too intimidated to ever go back.  a whole year of payments for nothing.
then i thought of my daddy.  5 years ago i was in an accident on the 401 going to my home town for my brothers engagement party.  i spun outta control and hit the concrete barrier.  Some dood cut me off twice.  So i was about 20 min away from my parents place. I called my dad to tell him what happened.  my dad asked if i was ok, then he asked if the car was driveable…and then he told me to get in and drive.
best advice he ever gave me.
Had i waited for him to rescue me…i honestly believe that today i would have a fear of driving.
but because i got back in right away…i faced my fears head on
thank you daddy 🙂
So i am going back to the gym.  I am going to work out.  I don’t see how i won’t be able to tone my body or sculpt my muscles…when they actually have classes for that…that are part of my membership AND have instructors that will correct you when you are doing something wrong.
I almost gave up…and i still feel really uncomfortable walking back in there.
but my attitude?  i don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone says.
oh…and the woman who trained us?  she pulled us aside after and said any help we need she will give us.  just to look for her on the floor and she will do whatever she can to see us succeed.
and you know what?  that comment in itself makes me want to give her money to train me…
cause she cares.
ugh..have i gone off?  have you stayed with me or have you fallen asleep? lol
back to the gym tomorrow and then off to enroll in some classes.
i am not a failure.  i never have been and never will be.
so a big fat screw you M.
nobody is going to run me out of that gym.
phewww, i feel worlds better now thank you!

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the first day of cool

yes…today is my first day at the gym.
my first day of my new “cool”

my work out clothes are neatly folded on my dresser, waiting for me when the work day is done.
my runners are dusted off…they have only been used…a little…cause well they look good with my jeans on dress down day.
i’ve tried to memorize the three digits on the lock  i just bought…you’d think i would remember it…alas…old age has taken over

so i am ready and nervous and scared and excited and…and…and
oh god i’m gonna hurl.

it’s like the first day of school…but i am sooo much cooler now lol
hard to believe I KNOW!!!

in my late teens and early to mid twenties
the cool thing to do was to go to clubs and party all night long
drink the boys under the table
and sleep all day…and then do it all over the next

for my prom…all i had to do to lose a dress size
was twitch my nose and voila
a size two was born.
you know why?
cause i was cool

i look at dessert and i gain 5 pounds.
the thought of going to a club and keepin’ up with the boys makes me sleepy..and anxious
and two glasses of wine is over my limit (ok i thought about it…i can do more than 2 glasses hello) and it takes me three times as long to recover.

sure…you young bucks reading this must think i am so lame
but haven’t you heard?
that the bird is the word?
i mean…the new cool is the gym.
seriously…look it up!

i have finally figured out in my old age
that eating healthy + working out…

so wish me luck…and hope i fit in with the cool kids…
who am i kidding…they’ll looooove me!
(And yessss…that pic i posted could be me!)

and as for my post from yesterday?
about my boobies?
my bra pusher sent me another picture.  2 bras are on their way to me. 85% off
god help me
she knows my drug.  she feeds my drug
i love her.

and for more unrelated bee news
did you know i have a myspace account?
cause i sure as hell forgot i did.  lol.  i rediscovered it last night.
oh…mind, why do you fail me so?

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boobies part deux

everyone has that girlfriend…you know the one.
the friend you have known your whole adult life, the friend you would say and tell anything to…
the friend that knows all your secrets and embarrassments and loves you more because of them.
if you are lucky maybe you have a couple of friends like that…
either way.
i got on the phone with mine the other day.
and we talked about boobies.
in great detail lol
i explained my dilema…and considering she is going through the exact same thing…almost to a T – we talked about boobies a lot
it’s refreshing to talk to someone who not only knows you inside and out..but has boobie issues too!
Her suggestion for my boobie issues?
dress ’em up!!
make ’em feel pretty and sexy and lovely.
did i mention that this bff of mine has recently changed occupations and now works at a place that makes really expensive and pretty and fancy boobie holders?
she has also been trained to do bra fittings…and although she has seen my girls over the history of our relationship…i do believe a bra fitting by my bff would be  uncomfortable…and bloody hilarious!
we would both probably end up on the floor in the change room laughing hysterically – cause that’s how we roll.
So we were on the phone for what seemed like hours.  she was at work…and while she was talking to me…she was sending me pictures of bras from her iphone.
pretty bras.
I was shopping over the phone 🙂
I can’t remember the last time i purchased bras in this cup size.  it still floors me.
i went from a bodacious D
wait for it.
yup…a Beeeeeeeeeee.
crazy talk.
Do you know what it’s like to have D cup boobies when you are just over 5 feet tall? 
it’s not fun.
I am patiently awaiting to receive my bras…from Calvin Klein (they make amazing bras by the way)
I bought 255 dollars worth and spent 70.00 (plus shipping costs)
i love her staff discount!!!  woop!
have i ever mentioned here before that i have a serious bra and underwear addiction?
cause i do…big time…and having a friend who can get you anything you want at a ridiculous price…could be dangerous.
extremely dangerous.
i am ready to dress up my boobies and make them feel all fancy like
no…there will be no pictures…although i did promise my bestie a few
if you ask her…she would totally send them to you! cause that’s how she rolls

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umm, by the way…listen to my latest addiction right here
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gone and done it

it’s true.
i am now officially a member of the gym!
my friend and i went in to meet with the owner of the gym on Sunday.
we got the full tour and i must say i was impressed.
let me remind you that i was a member of this gym for TWO years.
In that 2 years i did not step foot in there once.  not once.
they were in the process of building the gym, and i bought my membership before it opened…with good intentions.
i did not go once.
ugh, what a waste of money!
So…i am gonna do it kids!!
the best part of this is the classes they offer – and they are included in the membership.
they have yoga, zumba, pilates, body training, spinning…and so much more.
they even have hot yoga!  (only the first class is free…after that it’s 10 dollars every 2 weeks if you want to do it)
So Thursday we have a one hour consultation with a personal trainer and then a one hour consult with a nutritionist
i could not be more excited!!!
what a change in mind set!  wasn’t it just a couple of months ago i wrote all about not ever joining a gym?
i think i have finally realized my limitations working out at home.  Not that i don’t love Turbo Jam…because i do.
it’s done wonders for me…my body…my health…and of course has contributed to my weight loss – big time.  i think more so than my diet.
but i am at a point where i need to take things up a notch.  i need to incorporate weights, do different work outs…
get ripped!!
my goal is to rock a bikini this summer.  and i mean rock it – i so did not rock the bikini on my vacation looking back lol
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic on the Greek islands completely naked.
so when the personal trainer asks me what my goals are…that’s what i will tell her
i want to feel confidant enough to frolic naked 🙂
it’s different this time.  i think i know better the value of my money.
I am not going to waste my money, but take full advantage of it.
(by the way it’s cheaper this time around then it was when i was a member years ago)
so i have goals…and the gym will help me be successful.
i am so excited i could pee!!!
and now the fun part
i am going shopping.
getting my work out outfits
as i’ve said before i work out in my skivvies at home…i am sure people at the gym wouldn’t appreciate that
or would they?
no lululemon for me…yet. 
i mean i love their stuff…but it’s way over priced…and i hate hate hate that people buy those clothes for the look…and not for the work out
these clothes are designed for you to work out in
not to prance around the city thinking you look fine
wow – i went off on a rant didn’t i lol
so yeah, clothes shopping tonight.
i am sooooo excited!!!

wordpress counterAnd on to some completely unrelated news – cause i gotta be me…
I finally got the new Adele cd…
I put it on while driving to work…and ended up sitting in the parking lot at work unable to get out of my car, because my ears could not get enough of this album. 15 minutes later and i forced myself to turn it off.
get thee to a store and buy it NOW. (sorry didn’t mean to be so demanding)

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wow -i am outta control

i know!  3 posts today…what is wrong with me???

i am just so uber excited for my friend…i cannot stop watching her on Ellen…she made me cry i was laughing so hard!!!

ya know..the scary thing is…she is always that happy!

anyways, if you didn’t get a chance to see the show…i will bring it to you.

Keri – you are made of awesome baby!

Click here for keri!

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