Monthly Archives: December 2010

because

i was never going to share a picture here, on line of myself.

it could be ’cause i was shy…or that i am aware that this is the internet…and anyone can see what i post.

but i have done a 180 tonight.  a realization that i just don’t give a damn.

why?

because i AM proud of my accomplishments

because despite everything i have been going through as of late, i have still been true to me

because it matters…alot.

because for once i can look at myself and feel…OK

because it’s always ok to strive and look ahead and want more

because i want to show you all, just how very proud i am of myself
my hard work
my ambition
my dedication
my trials and tribulations

because it matters.
every single bit of it.

all the tears, the nay sayers, the people who doubted me

all of it.

here i am, getting to where i want to be

and no one can bring me down
no one will make me stop.

because

because i am so worth it…and nothing anyone can say can change my mind.
you will never bring me down.

because this is what hope, success and hard work looks like

because i love all of you who have supported my journey.

i show you….me.  the real me.

because…for the first time in my life, i feel like me.

because i respect myself, and love myself.

and this is what it looks like.


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vacation mode

it’s a little hard for my mind to wrap around vacation mode.

although, the night hawk in me seems to have no problem.

i was up until 4am this morning.  I stirred in bed this morning and struggled to get up.
I really didn’t need to wake up.
There was no work to go to, no dog to walk.  the cats were perfectly content lounging with me.
but i got up anyways.  sleeping in too long feels like a waste of day…why not waste it on the couch in my fat pants!
besides, i am a professional napper…and i have all the time in the world to do that today.

As i was sitting on the couch, with a purring cat on my lap….
the very last thing i wanted to do was move.  I argued with myself for what seemed forever and finally got off the couch (much to my cat’s dismay) and got changed and worked out.

I totally get how a lot of people have good intentions and yet give up on working out.  it’s so much easier to chill out and just be…

but…i am sooo happy that i did – like i always am after a work out.  It was good…i kicked some serious ass
and felt worlds better afterwards.

I threw myself in the shower…went grocery shopping….and now i am sitting here on my couch, waiting patiently for my awesome dinner to be ready (low carb of course)
I am drinking a low carb beer, and looking forward to the nap that’s gonna happen in the very near future.

with as much as i have on my mind….i am doing pretty well.  taking care of myself, eating as healthy as possible and trying to enjoy this time away from work – although work would be an awesome distraction if i have to be honest.

Today is a not so bad a day.

Let’s hope tonight, sleep finds me at a decent hour….i gotta be at the airport early in the morning!!!

Happy Monday kids.


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the day after

well, christmas came and went faster than the blink of an eye.
i wrote all about my time on the blog next door…and it’s totally not health/weight loss related…so i won’t go into it here.

i’d like to say i was “good” but i wasn’t all that great.
lets just say there was cheesecake and baklava.

i will say that all the leftovers that i brought home
are all on plan.
i may have slipped a few chocolates in to my bag, but they are not for me…i swear!!!

i will make sure i get in a good cardio work out tomorrow…or should i say today.
oy vay.

how was your christmas??

now, i am more than ready…completely 100% ready to go on vacation
let the relaxing and mind numbing times begin.

if anyone can find a brown spotted dalmatian and slip her in to my stocking
well…that would just make my year.

woe is me.

oh…and i had the most wonderful skype date ever.
maybe that’s why i am wide awake at 2am.

2 more sleeps.
can’t wait!!!!!


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caught in the act

haha…i thought this would be a breakfast of champions.


No worries, i put ’em away.

Here is a pic of the end result.  thank god they are packed away and no longer accessible!


And a closer look at my gingerbread doods:

I think i totally missed my calling!


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just call me cookie

my house is driving me a little mental today.

i wrote a blog next door in more detail about my day yesterday….regarding distraction.
today i shall blog about yesterday’s distractions ramifications.

i don’t think i am exaggerating when i say i baked at least 15 dozen cookies yesterday.
from about 7:30pm until 12:30am i was baking.
there are shortbread cookies, ginger bread cookies and chocolate chip cookies all over my kitchen.
hey – when i have a lot on my mind i like to keep busy….what can i say?
i am a little crazy when i have a lot in my heart and in my head.

everywhere i turn in my kitchen i see cookies…both of my fridges are full of cookies
so is my microwave…so is the top of my big fridge…
everywhere.

i do not have a decorating bone in my body…but i gotta say…my gingerbread doods look good.

anyways…i have always been a sentimental person…
preferring a gift from the heart as opposed to something store bought (although please feel free to buy me the ipod touch on my xmas list)
i squealed like a little school girl when my coworker gave me a box of home baked goodies for Christmas
she knew full well they were a no no on my diet…but the fact that she took hours to make these…and with such care and love…well it was one of the best gifts i could get

knowing the time, and care that she put in to my gift…the care even in the wrapping…
bah, i just loved it!

so i thought to myself…self, why have you never done that??
and so last night i did.
the people i love the most will be getting tins of my carbolicious goodness…
and i gotta tell you.  I CAN’T WAIT.
i cannot wait to get these damn cookies out of my home.  remember the blog i wrote about sleep eating???
imagine my hell at the moment.

i did everything right today – pretty much
i ate a healthy breakfast, i worked out, had a salad for dinner
but in between all those things, a couple of cookies made their way to my mouth.

once i deliver these gifts…and begin my real vacation
i shall be free and clear of the evil devil called sugar…
or so i hope.

tonight’s distraction?  drinking wine and wrapping presents.

anyone want a cookie..or 12?


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talk about timing

this was the email i received from the universe this morning – and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

no, not health related – sorry.  but i guess we could file it under mental and emotional health.

Have you noticed, goddess, that sadness in your life has never, ever, not even once, lasted?

It’s impossible.

Please pass this on to someone sad, goddess….

Whoohoooooo!
The Universe



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sweet slumber

i can’t sleep, but i am so tired.

with everything that happened this morning playing like a horror film in my head
i wonder if i will sleep tonight at all.

it’s nights like these i don’t like nights like these.

my mind is on repeat.  everything is being chewed over and over and over.

one thing leads to another…to another…and all of a sudden the whole worlds issues become my own.

i know, i am rambling.

i worked out tonight.  i had such a headache but could not sit still in my own skin.
i needed to move…i needed to do anything and everything but just sit and be stagnant.
maybe a work out would leave me thought free for 45 minutes.

i am pretty sure i had a good work out – truth is i barely remember going through the motions
one minute i was starting and the next it was over…my body covered in sweat…
i fell into the shower and the tears just wouldn’t stop.

today was just so unexplainable.

everything was normal.
and then the next minute…there was nothing normal about the day.
nothing.

one moment Cody was bouncing around, happy…normal
and literally the next minute she was on the ground…gone.

it makes no sense to me.

none.

and so i am wide awake chewing and mulling and missing.

sometimes a girl doesn’t care about eating what’s best and doing the best for her body
sometimes a girl just wants to be

but oddly enough all i want to do is throw myself in to some physical exertion…
just keep moving…non stop

i’m afraid falling into this funk that i feel would be counterproductive.

a friend told me tonight…one day i will be grateful that Cody took the decision from our hands and left on her own.
i know that day will come.
it’s just today is so not that day.

i won’t lie…a nice big bowl of anything carb related would be wonderful right now.
but i won’t.

i’ve lost 3 furbabies in the past 14 months.
there is something so not right about that.
actually i put Ben down 14 months ago tomorrow…

like i’ve said before…..some people have children, me?  i got my furbabies.

hope you guys are all in la-la land and sorry for my rambles.


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dinner anyone?

i made a pretty kick ass dinner tonight…and thought i would share!!

On today’s menu:

Stuffed chicken breast wrapped with bacon, sprinkled with parmesean cheese.
There were two different cheeses i stuffed the chicken with.  Half with vegetable garden cream cheese and the other half with herb and garlic.
A garden salad on the side with Asian Sesame dressing.
yummy!!  come on over, I have leftovers!

take a look


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