i went to the doctor yesterday armed with a list (that’s a sign that you are getting older when you walk in with a list)
everything went almost perfectly.
I do believe i am as healthy as an Ox. (How healthy is an Ox anyways?)
My doctor was very impressed with my eating/working out and weight loss.
I do have a work out related issue – apparently an inflamed tendon. if Advil and ice doesn’t make it go away…a shot of cortisone will. i told him it was an issue i could live with thank you very much. no shots for this girl.
he is pretty much confidant that my cholesterol levels will show completely normal…and that everything looks awesome (OK, he didn’t say awesome but you know what i mean)
he was pretty much impressed with me…hello…who wouldn’t be 🙂
and then the dreaded weigh in.
i looked over at him and said…remember…i don’t want to know what i weigh
just my difference in weight from last year to this year.
So of course….
he told me what i weigh!!!!
insert vomity looking emoticon here.
he told me my weight.
if you follow my blog….you would already know i am anti-scales. I am perfectly content not knowing how much i weigh.
ignorance is bliss kind of thing.
nothing good has ever come out of knowing that information.
I am not into numbers. I don’t want to be defined by a number. Now that i know what i weigh…i define myself.
my name is no longer Bee – i am # blah blah blah.
Everything went running through my head. Well the number can’t be accurate….i was wearing heavy shoes, my clothes were still on, it’s that time of the month…of course i am heavier than normal. I work out…so i am heavier because muscle weighs more than fat. etc etc etc
every.little.thing ran through my head.
Don’t get me wrong. the number is not bad. Not bad at all. But who is to say what number is good??
I mean it’s an individual thing right?
Needless to say…i was traumatized. Does this now give me a reason to follow my weight on my scale at home? will i become obsessed with the number on the digital screen?
I’ve been there before….obsessing over a number that in the end means nothing at all to me.
I ended up literally throwing that scale out of the window and never looked back.
I know that i have lost weight…i know that my sizes have gone down…i know that i feel pretty damn good.
But then there he goes throwing a number in to my brain and i have been mulling it over in my head ever since.
I felt really good up until that point. Now i feel that maybe my decision to stop trying to lose weight needs to be reconsidered.
see what #’s do? they are the devil. the devil i tell you.
he’s lucky i like him…otherwise i may have just pounded him!
But – i did lose weight. in the double digits. double digits my friends. (excuse me while i do my happy dance!!)
Let me say to those few people that felt it necessary to tell me “oh you’ve lost at least 20 pounds. at least” that you were not only wrong…you also gave me a complex!
Being the height that i am, i can understand why some would assume that i may have lost twenty pounds
but 5 pounds on your body would look more like 10 pounds on my body.
it’s all relative.
So i am still chewing on my thoughts about this whole number thing. I’ve come to the conclusion that i so need to get over it.
I am doing everything right…and seeing changes. awesome changes. it’s just a slllllloooowwww process.
Bottom line, i started making all these changes for my health. first and foremost.
everything else is gravy.
my doctor says i’m made of awesome. and who am i to argue with him?
And so i ended the day making dinner for my bff and hanging out catching up. a little too late for little ol’ me…but worth it. totally.
And…sorry for the blog yesterday. i was testing out a theory…and i was right. but of course 🙂
So since it’s Hump Day and i am feeling kinda randy….i thought this song would be appropriate for today.