it’s the one thing i can’t seem to get control over…
with the recent passing of an old friend, my brain and my emotions have been in over drive to say the least.
so much thinking and wondering and thinking some more…it’s enough to drive a girl crazy.
and so when i am in that place…i do one of two things.
i either completely lose my appetite, or i crave the things that make me somehow feel comforted, cared for….loved.
this weekend it just happened to be Chinese food that made me feel that way.
when i am in that place, there is just no saying “no”
i have no control over what my stomach is asking me to feed it. and temporarily it makes me feel amazing, and then shortly after i feel like crap
and that’s just the way it goes.
raiding my kitchen cupboards at 10pm to find a morsel of anything that’s not good for me
because for some reason that is exactly what i want.
lately i’ve been pretty lenient with my food choices. an “i don’t care” attitude.
amazingly, during the week i am really good with it all…but once the weekend hits…i am a different person.
the only thing that keeps me somewhat centred is my working out
i haven’t shot that to hell thank god.
the funny thing about it all is i allow myself one day a weekend to eat whatever it is i want. lately my one day has lasted the whole weekend.
that has to stop…and i am just not sure how.
it’s a tricky thing when you are catering to an emotion. it’s hard to say no to something that makes your heart feel less broken.
but it’s something i need to figure out.
because death happens.
you lose people from your life.
sadness is a part of life.
tears are going to happen.
fights are bound to happen
i just need to find a different way to cope with these things, rather than getting into my fat pants and calling my local Chinese restaurant to stuff these feelings away.
and that’s where i am at on this rainy Monday morning.
not to worry…i am still gonna kick Monday’s ass 🙂