Monthly Archives: October 2010

hormonal suckfest

i am having a week.
can i tell you how very unimpressed i am with my hormones?
i shake my fist at you hormones!
anyways…most of you can relate i am sure.
it’s the “not good enough” week
i am not eating good enough, working out enough…so why even bother trying week 
pass me the ben and jerry’s and chips kind of week
it’s one of those weeks where the mirror in your house has been replaced with that whacky circus mirror…
all of a sudden you are 100 pounds bigger…everywhere.
standing naked in front of that mirror calls for good times
house of horrors kind of good.
and you know it’s in your head cause those jeans that make your ass look super sexy…still fit….
that top you bought a couple of weeks ago, still fits without a problem…
but still…you think what you think cause your hormones are residing in your brain.
they are the devil
the devil i tell you!
sitting on the couch getting a little teary eyed watching that commercial for jenny craig and that woman that lost 50 pounds…saying “you go girl” to your tv set…
then wondering if you are doing everything all wrong.
resisting the urge to call jenny craig herself.
but on a normal day…you know you have no more weight to lose
and that working out 5 times a week is plenty,
that you are eating all the right things to nurture your body and soul…
and those muscles that hurt and ache…didn’t just miraculously come to be.
you know you work damn hard.
next week i will know this…that this last week was just a hormonal haze.
but this week i just want my fat pants and some dill pickle chips.
that is all 🙂

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i dare you to move

it was my scheduled walk day yesterday.  I know that i need to be pretty flexible with my schedule…cause really…
you can never trust Canadian weather.  one day it could be warm and sunny and the next day you could be in the middle of a snow storm.
yesterday was a gorgeous, sunny, warm day.  the most perfect fall day.
except for the 100 km gusts of wind.
yeah, how do i walk in that?  i’d get blown away…i’m only little you know!  lol
so the walk was a no go.
i’ve been nursing a headache for the past 2 days…a bad almost full blown migraine kinda headache, and the idea of me bouncing around shaking my groove thang for almost an hour just wasn’t all that appealing to me.
so i came home and said to myself…self…take the day off.
but i couldn’t
of course.
so i decided to do a “simple” 20 min work out, that works on your core muscles.
no heavy breathing or sweating involved
a lot of groaning and grunting…but no bouncing around.
i’ve mentioned here that as of late i am not feeling the burn of my workouts
i mean i feel the work out, but my muscles don’t hurt
and so i have been looking in to switching up my work outs.
i didn’t think a 20 minute work out – which seemed so much more relaxed than my normal routine would make me feel this way.
i feel like someone knocked me down and repeatedly kicked me…all over my body.
i ache…in an awesomely good way 🙂
who knew?
so i found my answer.  i don’t have to go hard-core every single day.
because even tho i am doing a kick ass work out…obviously some of my muscles are being ignored.
this weekend at some point i am going to dig out my pilates dvd and put that into my mix of work outs…at one time i had great success with just that work out alone.
with the weather getting colder and more unpredictable…the walking out doors thing will be  a rarity.
i hear the wind howling outside my window right now…as i sit snug in my pj’s 🙂
as long as i don’t sneeze, or cough or make any sudden movements today…i will be just fine.
i’ve had this song stuck in my head for 2 days now.  blast from the past.
click here if you wanna hear what’s in my brain.

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shakira was right

hips don’t lie.
my bff came over for a sleep over the other night.
we had food ordered in…had a few drinks and just chatted up a storm.
the conversation turned to working out…
and i mentioned that i no longer really feel the “burn” of working out.
like…my muscles are no longer mad at me the next day…
except for my hips.
after walking and working out…my hips feel like they got the greatest work out.
and i wondered why.
she was able to answer my question in two simple words.
“you’re old”
but true.
when any part of your conversation consists of the word arthritis, when you discuss retirement goals, and talk about the books you read…
old would be a good descriptive word.
but in my defense…i do believe i made it until 1:30 in the morning!
so my hip-ache has nothing to do with a kick ass work out, feeling the burn, etc
it just simply means
that i’m old.
pass me my sweater, i’ve got a chill.

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emotional eating revisited

emotional eating.
it’s the one thing i can’t seem to get control over…
with the recent passing of an old friend, my brain and my emotions have been in over drive to say the least.
so much thinking and wondering and thinking some more…it’s enough to drive a girl crazy.
and so when i am in that place…i do one of two things.
i either completely lose my appetite, or i crave the things that make me somehow feel comforted, cared for….loved.
this weekend it just happened to be Chinese food that made me feel that way.
when i am in that place, there is just no saying “no”
i have no control over what my stomach is asking me to feed it.  and temporarily it makes me feel amazing, and then shortly after i feel like crap
and that’s just the way it goes.
raiding my kitchen cupboards at 10pm to find a morsel of anything that’s not good for me
because for some reason that is exactly what i want.
lately i’ve been pretty lenient with my food choices.  an “i don’t care” attitude.
amazingly, during the week i am really good with it all…but once the weekend hits…i am a different person.
the only thing that keeps me somewhat centred is my working out
i haven’t shot that to hell thank god.
the funny thing about it all is i allow myself one day a weekend to eat whatever it is i want.  lately my one day has lasted the whole weekend.
that has to stop…and i am just not sure how.
it’s a tricky thing when you are catering to an emotion.  it’s hard to say no to something that makes your heart feel less broken.
but it’s something i need to figure out.
because death happens. 
you lose people from your life.
sadness is a part of life.
tears are going to happen.
fights are bound to happen
relationships die.
shit happens.
i just need to find a different way to cope with these things, rather than getting into my fat pants and calling my local Chinese restaurant to stuff these feelings away.
and that’s where i am at on this rainy Monday morning.
not to worry…i am still gonna kick Monday’s ass 🙂

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many the miles

i got a call from the courier company in my city saying i had a package waiting for me.
i love those calls!
i love getting these little surprises!
anywhooo…where i have to go to pick up packages is quite the jaunt.  last year you couldn’t have paid me money to walk there…there was no way.
i mean it’s really not that far…if you are driving…but walking is a whole other story.
it was my walking night so i thought why not switch up my route and walk over to pick up my package!
and so i did.
i don’t know how many times i almost tripped over my own feet…looking into all the stores i normally only drive by.  there are some amazing stores around my area!!
who knew?
i stopped and looked at this wedding gown in one of the windows. it was beautiful…simple, elegant and sexy…perfectly bee 🙂  didn’t even know a gown store was there…and how long have i lived here for??
god i’m such a girl.
anyways, it was a good walk.  it was a longer walk than my regular route.  about 20-30 min longer…give or take a few min.
but my handy dandy pedometer said i didn’t even walk 4 miles.  i says pardon?
it’s shocking that my 5 dollar piece of crap pedometer isn’t accurate! lol
i know i walked more.  my sore body was my indicator.
i guess i can’t put all my faith in the pedometer…i just need to go by how I feel.
isn’t that always the way??
i’ll still use my pedometer i suppose… but i don’t know why since it lies to me…

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change of heart

last night was my double down night.
i was determined to have one.
i got in line at KFC…looked at the picture of this “sandwich”
and suddenly felt really unsure about it all.
honestly…it just looked so unhealthy.
i turned to Elle Bee and said, “i really want something healthier”
my body was still feeling the effects of a kick ass walk…that was longer than my usual one
i was feeling good..accomplished
and i just felt that if i ate the Double Down…all that work would have seemed such a waste.
my heart just wasn’t in to it.
or maybe my heart was just warning me that it wasn’t the best thing to be feeding it.
Knowing full well that i had gone to KFC prepared for a cheat…
my options opened….
I have been craving a sub for months now….and lately i’ve been wanting pizza
So off we went for subs 🙂
i had a pizza sub on a hearty whole grain bread
i killed two birds with one stone
i felt that it was a “healthy” cheat in the end
(oh….and a tiny, itty bitty peanut butter cookie lol)
yes, my belly was not the most impressed with the carb consumption
but i would hate to see what my body would have felt like if i actually did the double down for dinner.
a lot of the comments on my facebook page yesterday were against me doing it
so to my facebook friends…you will be pleased to know…that i did not
i could not.
and probably never will.
i was more than willing to…at the beginning
but i had a change of heart.
two thumbs down for the double downer.

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Double Down

i am sure most people know what a Double Down is.  It’s had so much media attention since at least the summer…you just gotta know!
incase you don’t…let me tell you.
A Double Down is a “sandwich” from KFC.  it just made its debut in Canada yesterday.
what it is, is 2 breaded chicken breasts – that act like the bun holding everything together, with Monterey jack cheese, bacon and the colonel’s special sauce.
you can get the breasts either breaded and deep-fried, or grilled.
this is what it looks like:
I am not gonna lie.  i totally want to try one….just once…cause i don’t think my body would take to it too kindly more than once.
just looking at it is enough to cause a massive coronary…but i still want to try one…
i did some extensive research…and by research i mean i heard on the radio on my drive in to work this morning that a Big Mac and a Whopper have way more fat than the Double Down.
Also…the fact that i don’t consume bread… well this can’t be that bad for me.
if i got the grilled chicken breast…really…it ain’t so bad.  it’s not the healthiest food choice but i am not sure if i would feel immense guilt having one.
has anyone had one??

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the things that matter

it doesn’t matter today
doesn’t matter at all.
it doesn’t matter what i decide to eat, or if i walk 5 miles, or do 45 min of cardio.
it doesn’t matter how small my waist is getting
or if i am simply having a fat day.
it just doesn’t fuking matter
actually, it seems so very insignificant and trivial today
to worry about things that ultimately don’t really define my existance.
what matters today?
that i am here typing this…healthy, alive, capable and loved
that matters
what matters is the mother who is fighting for her life
her 4 children
her husband
and the millions of people everywhere…praying for her.
what matters more than the lunch i decide to eat today?
that she kicks cancers ass.  that the brain cancer won’t take her away.
what matters more than all the insignificant, trivial little things in life?
the big things.
the people in your life
all my thoughts and prayers are with S and her family right now.
if you are so inclined, please say a prayer or light a candle, or think good thoughts.
that’s what matters.

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run lola run

i’ve been dreaming about running lately.
a lot.
not like in an i’m being chased kind of way, or running away from something/someone – which is quite the reality of my dream nature…
but running as in….wanting to run…being active…choosing to run.

i think it has a lot to do with that inspirational post i put up last week
mr. ben who ran his way to losing over 120 pounds.
although i gotta say that his bloody nipples make me second guess my desire to run!

i used to be really active…many many moons ago.
back in school i loved participating in sports.
i kicked ass in high jump – all 5’1 of me, i loved basketball, track and field.
i used to willingly get out of bed really early in the morning to go running.
those days feel almost like a fantasy than part of my reality.

my running days ended when i got hit by a car.  twice.
my legs have never been the same.
i mean even walking sometimes, my ankles will lock up and landing on my face is very much a real fear of mine.
so i gave up running, took up smoking and became a lazy teenager.

since i have been working out, and walking…i feel so much stronger
thinking back i cannot recall a time where my ankles locked…in 5 miles of straight walking.

and so i have started thinking of running.

the weather is getting much colder…and i won’t lie.  i hate the cold.
i wonder how i will walk once it’s winter….because i know myself…and i just don’t do winter.

and so i am thinking about getting a treadmill.
this way i can keep walking…and start running again…in the comfort of my own home
and if my ankles give out…at least i won’t be making an ass outta myself in front of other people.

i am really excited about this idea!!

but…i think my life is about to get crazy busy soon.
insanely busy.
in such a kick ass, wonderful…amazing way.
so my brilliant idea may need to be put on hold.

on hold, but not forgotten.

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