so i haven’t been able to go for my walks for a while.
the weather’s been pretty crap lately.
today was bee-utiful!!
i got home, threw on my sketchers and hit the 5 mile road.
god it felt great!!
I’ve met a lot of bee-utiful creatures on my walks….and this is who i saw today.
first there was George. remember how i wrote about George? well, George is actually Soda and a girl. we said our hello’s and off i went.
then there was Tuxedo (don’t know his real name but he responds lol) i was happy to see him, because there were missing signs around his neighbourhood with pictures that looked just like him. he’s a little lover and a little drooler….lol
then there was Jasmine. the 16-year-old, all white cat that chooses to live outdoors. we exchanged some love and off i went.
then Stella came on by,,,,she’s approx 3 months old and we met once before. she’s a shar pei/pug mix and just a cutie pie!!!
and then no walk would be complete without the love of Snuffie…the old cat down the street from my place.
his mom tells me he is unusually shy…but he comes to me every time for some good ol’ lovin
he reminds me very much of my Mamma…and i gotta say this gorgeous brown/black cat pulls on my little heart-strings.
i couldn’t tell you the name of one person i have met on my 5 mile travels…but i can tell you all about every animal that i have ever crossed paths with in great detail.
on to some not so happy news….i haven’t seen my rabbit friend who i affectionately named “dood” in a long time.
i wonder what happened to him….
man, i really get around
that is all 🙂
i have had so many people asking me to post before and after pics.
i have an endless amount of before pics…if you are my friend on facebook….you will see several.
i don’t have any after ones…because..well….i ain’t done yet 🙂
i have a lot of “in the moment” pics….but i have promised myself i won’t be posting any pictures until i’ve hit my one year.
but i want to appease you all…and so i offer you a before pic….
whadda ya think?
Happy hump day kids
nooo…the subject of this post has nothing to do with the actual post.
Just listening to my sara bee and wondering if you have gone out and got the album yet? Send me the moon is one of the sweetest, saddest tracks on there. You know i am just gonna keep harassing you all 🙂
Anyways….here’s today’s scoop!
i noticed i had several comments on my blog next door.
i came home and had a kick ass work out and did the things i needed to do…and have only now had a chance to check it out.
someone has been following my blog…and was really impressed with my writing.
apparently this person has a weekly showcase of “new” writers…and he has showcased me this week, bringing me amazing traffic and new followers.
how great is that?
good things for good people. i have always believed in that.
i cannot believe how awesome my life is.
ya know, you make some changes, and you feel amazing…you give off amazing….and you get back amazing.
this isn’t my life long dream coming true…the one of being discovered and spending the rest of my life writing books in my ocean front home.
but it’s something. and it means something. it’s the smallest things that mean more than the grandest of all things.
my facebook status seems fitting tonight
“hello my name is Karma, i’ll be your bitch today”
just wanted to share, cause this blog is as important as the one next door.
and so it begins.
last time i lived my life to its fullest…ate healthy, felt amazing, lost tons of weight…
all those around me were very encouraging.
they knew what i was doing, how i was doing it, and why i was doing it…and actually some of them recommended it!
i was tired of feeling unwell.
and finally there came a point where i was feeling amazing and reaping the rewards of my lifestyle changes
and the world as i knew it, was perfect.
and that’s when people felt the need to be inappropriate.
“are you sick? are you eating? are you healthy?”
and this is where i just get so bloody mad.
i’ve never given any reason for anyone to wonder if i am eating/healthy/ill
i have been very open in the way i eat and why.
it’s not rocket science.
i mean hello…i write a detailed blog about it…
everyone in my life was on the same page as me…or so i thought
5 years ago there was a sense of panic, immediate concern….maybe i needed to talk to someone – insert shocked face right here
seriously, i couldn’t make that shit up if i tried.
my mother oddly enough was the most concerned….you know the one who would feed me lol
For one reason or another i totally went off plan…started eating crap and it seemed like everyone was content. do people feel better when you are not happy with yourself?
Misery loves company right?
i understand the difference between asking out of concern, or if a friend hasn’t seen me for a while
but knowing what i am doing and how i am doing it and then asking me if i am sick or being unhealthy is a complete and utter insult to all the work i have done.
imagine, eating healthy and working out causes weight loss!!
causes you to feel amazing and get toned.
where were these people…you know…when i was eating crap
and would be knocked over in pain cause it made me so sick
where were they then to ask me the same questions??
or is that what is considered normal?
and it’s begun again.
no people. i am not sick. i am not hungry,(well actually i am really hungry, it being so close to lunch and all lol) and this is the best i have felt in a very long time.
i feel freakin’ amazing.
and yeah i’m pissed off…
but you are not going to rain on my parade…no not this time.
i spent the weekend shopping.
if you know me in real life, you would understand what torture that is for me.
i was not born with that shopping gene that most women are born with….
i am not a typical girl. in any way…..
i dislike going to a mall. i honestly think i would rather watch paint dry.
it’s painful for me. i become bitchy bee in 1.2 seconds flat.
i hate crowds, dressing room mirrors…and typically most people at the mall.
actually…the only time i don’t mind shopping is when i am shopping for my niece. now that’s fun.
if you have been following my journey…you know that a shopping trip was in order
quite frankly it was a necessity.
i could not go to work another day looking like a bag lady. it’s quite embarrassing.
and so shopping i went.
you would think that people in retail would not look at me like i had 3 heads when asked if they had a petite section.
you would be amazed at how many people do not know the definition of petite when it comes to clothing.
i need to buy petite clothing.
petite has nothing to do with the size of my waist. if i was 300 pounds or 100 pounds…i would need petite.
i am short. reaaaalllly short. I have not grown since i was 13!
i am all of 5’1, and so regular pants do not fit me.
finding petite is a mission that i generally do not have patience for.
i struggled all day Saturday at the mall. didn’t find one item of clothing.
i decided to step into one last store on my way to the parking lot…where there was success
one pair of pants and 2 tops.
but that wasn’t enough.
so Sunday was day two of shopping.
i was very lucky on Sunday. i found petite sections in each store i went to.
i found pants that fit me length wise.
there were several revelations this weekend as i stood in the dressing room.
i am still sitting in awe as i type this.
the first one is how not uncomfortable i was trying on clothes and looking in the mirror.
i haven’t felt that way in over 5 years.
see, people can tell you over and over that you have lost weight…and you can see it…sort of…i mean i know i have lost weight
but i don’t think it ever properly sinks in until it’s sitting there staring you right in the face…in those god awful dressing rooms.
i gravitated towards the size i was…oh maybe 4-5 months ago.
i picked up a pair of pants and put them against my waist…
i am not too sure why. i don’t know what my thinking was. perhaps it’s a bit of denial…perhaps it’s that fear of being disappointed in trying something on..and it being too small. perhaps just habit. i don’t know. i am still thinking that one through.
i stood in the dressing room…with a pair of pants in my hand…in a size i have never been in my adult life.
i was afraid to put them on…because…i dunno…i really didn’t think they would fit.
they looked so small.
i put them on…and they were a perfect fit.
i stood there just staring at myself.
i felt that familiar lump in my throat and the tears threatened to spill over…i literally had to catch my breath and focus my eyes.
i did not recognize the girl in the mirror.
the girl everyone else saw…but me.
there she was staring back at me…and i finally saw what everyone else sees.
i am tiny.
it was overwhelming, it was huge…it was and still is a moment i cannot put into words.
i finally saw myself the way everyone else did.
all this time…i was still that girl from 6 months ago…with limited achievements…slow progress…so much more to lose. disappointed.
but in that mirror…i was so far from that girl. i was accomplished, victorious, successful.
i learned a very long time ago that my worth was not based on the size of pants i wore,
what the tag said.
i know what matters most is who i am…and not what the number on the inside of my pants reads.
i get that…
it’s going to take some getting used to…this body of mine…
i’ve never been one to take compliments comfortably…so as of late i’ve felt very uncomfortable in my own skin.
i should be proud of me…and i am proud of me. big time. but, still….this is all so very new and weird to me.
now can i talk to you about sizes for a moment cause i am really confused.
say for example, i started off as a size 12, and now i am a size 8. have i dropped 2 sizes or have i dropped 4 sizes?
cause remember those pants i looked so absolutely amazing in??? my sexy pants post???
that’s the difference in me…i’ve dropped 4 sizes (or is it two)
holy crap batman!
No, i won’t say what size i am on here. i find people get offended for some unknown reason.
i have so much more to say about this…about how i am feeling
but feel that it is much too personal to put here.
this whole experience has brought out so many different emotions and realizations in me
that i just don’t think here is the appropriate place to address them.
i am gonna mull and chew next door…cause there’s a lot going on inside of me at the moment.
i feel so amazing…and feel so overwhelmed all in the same breath.
i am smaller than i was 5 years ago. i am the smallest i have ever been in my whole adult life.
there’s alot going on in me right now.
thanks for reading my rambles 🙂
happy Monday kids (do u know i typed happy Friday at first? talk about wishful thinking!!!!)