Monthly Archives: September 2010

sock rockin’ thursday

I was so excited today that i actually forgot to publish this post this morning!  doohhh! 
and for the record, it was everything i remembered it to be…and then some!
AND i just found out some amazingly awesome news…i am happier than a pig in shit!
my cafeteria at work just rocks my socks.
sure there are days that i am just bored with the food that they serve, or not happy (if u recall my lemon dill salmon experience)
but on the whole…i am pretty lucky to work at a place that has such an awesome cafeteria and i barely pay a thing for my lunch!
anyways…they can get pretty creative down there…
every year we have a thanksgiving lunch…turkey and stuffing and pie…and christmas lunches etc.
in the summer we have BBQ lunches every Thursday and when BBQ season is over, it’s stirfry lunches
give me a moment here…i might cry.
ok….i’m good.
i’ve written about my huge love on for the stirfries that my lady Pam makes.
nothing else compares.
in the past i have lined up a good 20 min just for one…it’s well worth the wait.
So, when i finally changed my eating habits 7 months ago…the stirfry was no longer an option.
in all honesty…i got really sick after eating it.  i mean really sick.  knowing full well i would get sick i still ate it.  to me it was worth it.
who does that???  who goes through literal pain and feels like crap on purpose???  apparently i do.
anyways…when i started low carbing 7 months ago i made a deal with myself….
if i was still at it…satisfied with how my health/life/body were shaping up….
the stirfry would be mine.
today is the first day for stirfry.
i am sitting here like a kid waiting to unwrap her xmas gifts
i am fidgeting in my chair and constantly looking at the clock
for 7 months i’ve been waiting
i’ve been counting down to this day for well over a month
chewing it in my mind…should i or shouldn’t i.
i have built this up in my head soooo much…i am afraid that it will be a beautiful let down.
you know…like say for example…you are crazy attracted to someone…and you imagine it over and over and over in your mind what kissing them would be like…and you can’t wait…and finally that moment comes….and…
only I would liken my food to some kind of sexual encounter.
and so i sit here moments before lunch…wondering if i should just not eat it…
no way kids.  today the stirfry is mine.
and if i get sick…i get sick…and not eat it again…till the next time 🙂
i am going to kick some serious turbo jam ass when i get home.
and it’s my tv night.
hold on….
turbo jam
tv night
i knew i loved thursday’s for a reason!  damn, today rocks my freakin’ socks!

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i get around

so i haven’t been able to go for my walks for a while.
the weather’s been pretty crap lately.

today was bee-utiful!!

i got home, threw on my sketchers and hit the 5 mile road.
god it felt great!!

I’ve met a lot of bee-utiful creatures on my walks….and this is who i saw today.

first there was George.  remember how i wrote about George?  well, George is actually Soda and a girl.  we said our hello’s and off i went.
then there was Tuxedo (don’t know his real name but he responds lol)  i was happy to see him, because there were missing signs around his neighbourhood with pictures that looked just like him.  he’s a little lover and a little drooler….lol
then there was Jasmine.  the 16-year-old, all white cat that chooses to live outdoors.  we exchanged some love and off i went.
then Stella came on by,,,,she’s approx 3 months old and we met once before.  she’s a shar pei/pug mix and just a cutie pie!!!

and then no walk would be complete without the love of Snuffie…the old cat down the street from my place.
his mom tells me he is unusually shy…but he comes to me every time for some good ol’ lovin
he reminds me very much of my Mamma…and i gotta say this gorgeous brown/black cat pulls on my little heart-strings.

i couldn’t tell you the name of one person i have met on my 5 mile travels…but i can tell you all about every animal that i have ever crossed paths with in great detail.

on to some not so happy news….i haven’t seen my rabbit friend who i affectionately named “dood” in a long time.
i wonder what happened to him….

man, i really get around

that is all 🙂

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before pic

i have had so many people asking me to post before and after pics.

i have an endless amount of before pics…if you are my friend on facebook….you will see several.
i don’t have any after ones…because..well….i ain’t done yet 🙂
i have a lot of “in the moment” pics….but i have promised myself i won’t be posting any pictures until i’ve hit my one year.

but i want to appease you all…and so i offer you a before pic….

whadda ya think?



Happy hump day kids

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grumpy pants

the other day i had my grumpy pants on.
not to be confused with my saggy ass pants.  no, no.  my grumpy pants are form fitting and make my ass look amazing.
but still…that’s not the point.
I am a pretty regimented person.
even typing that out makes me chuckle a little…cause really…who knew?
sure, i am a creature of habit when it comes to certain things…but typically i hate to be tied down to any specific schedule.
i normally love to fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to living my life….
but wow how i have buckled down this year.
i do much better with a specific routine and goal in mind.
it’s amazing how having specific goals have shaped me…literally 🙂
my monday – friday is clearly mapped out…and i rarely stray.
it works. 
if it works, it stays.
i was in a different place last year.  i didn’t really care about much.
i did what i did, when i did it.
not to say my life was horrible last year…but looking back…i just was not happy.
i see how much i didn’t care…about myself.
i was lacking something…i am not too sure what that something was…but there was something in me that needed fulfilling.
an emptiness…and so i filled that emptiness…mouth to stomach
which ultimately only made me unhappier…and emptier.
knowing that what i was doing to myself only made me more sick…more unhappy, more unhealthy…just didn’t matter.
fast forward to this year.
complete 180.  i have never been happier!  i have never been more content and healthy and excited about life.
and so the other day i felt this total grumpfest coming on.
i was moody…snappy.
and it dawned on me that i was pissed off that unforeseen circumstances threw a big ass wrench in my schedule.
something came up that could not be avoided that completely set back my evening.
and i was mad!
and it made me realize, this “new” me, or better version of me
enjoys the routine of it all.
it’s the routine of it all that has made me successful, happier, and filled up that thing that i was lacking.
had i known about this unforseen wrench in advance i could have adjusted my schedule, but it was just thrown at me…no time to re-route my thinking.
and if you know me at all…you know i am not too fond of being told what to do and when to do it.  i like things on my terms.
anyways it was just a realization i had.
today i am not sporting my grumpy pants…but my oh my the pants i have on today are tres sexy 🙂
have an awesome rainy tuesday!

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food high

first, before i forget…
what the hell was up with facebook yesterday?!?!
I apologize for my blog being posted a gazillion times.  ok, maybe 5 times, but i am sorry.
hopefully that will not happen today.
i have a random thought…that leads to a random question for you all.
When i eat something extremely carbalicious, i have what i like to call a food high.
i actually feel like i am tipsy.
i get lightheaded, i giggle like a school girl and can’t stop.
it’s seriously a food high!
I’ve only ever asked Elle Bee if she gets it…and she does…but never to the extreme that i do.
A few weeks ago we were celebrating a birthday…and the food of choice was Chinese.
by the time i finished eating, i was so tired and giggly…i couldn’t stop laughing.
i felt like i had two glasses of wine!
this happens to me every.single.time i indulge.
does this happen to anyone??  seriously…i can’t be alone in this.
just a random thought for a Friday.
I’m on a roll on the blog next door…see you there.
have an awesome weekend…i know i will 🙂

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sweet sun, send me the moon

nooo…the subject of this post has nothing to do with the actual post.
Just listening to my sara bee and wondering if you have gone out and got the album yet?  Send me the moon is one of the sweetest, saddest tracks on there.  You know i am just gonna keep harassing you all 🙂

Anyways….here’s today’s scoop!

so i’ve decided it’s time i did something really nice for me
i deserve it 🙂
every week i get emails sent to me about the best travel deals, hotel rates etc.
usually every week there is a deal for Niagara Falls…and we are talking really good deals.
affordable deals. 
i don’t have to tell you it’s sparked a much-needed fire under my butt.
So i am pulling out the credit card….
i am going to book a  room with a jacuzzi….have an awesomely delicious dinner and a bottle of wine….i am going to pack my bathing suit, my music, and my skechers and spend the next day taking in the scenery and getting some exercise in.  what better place to do that then Niagara Falls?
did i mention the outlet malls?
yes i know i just wrote about how much i hate shopping…but these are outlet malls people…and this is fun shopping…reward shopping…good time shopping.
it’s a whole other level.
i need the break, i deserve this…i’ve worked hard…and i am still working hard.  i’ll just be doing it in a jacuzzi and whilst i am shopping 🙂
i cannot remember the last time i was there for pleasure…it’s been years.
Mamma needs some pleasure!

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little things

i noticed i had several comments on my blog next door.

i came home and had a kick ass work out and did the things i needed to do…and have only now had a chance to check it out.

someone has been following my blog…and was really impressed with my writing.

apparently this person has a weekly showcase of “new” writers…and he has showcased me this week, bringing me amazing traffic and new followers.

how great is that?

good things for good people.  i have always believed in that.

i cannot believe how awesome my life is.

ya know, you make some changes, and you feel amazing…you give off amazing….and you get back amazing.

this isn’t my life long dream coming true…the one of being discovered and spending the rest of my life writing books in my ocean front home.

but it’s something.  and it means something.  it’s the smallest things that mean more than the grandest of all things.

my facebook status seems fitting tonight

“hello my name is Karma, i’ll be your bitch today”

just wanted to share, cause this blog is as important as the one next door.

night night

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pickin’ a bone

and so it begins.
last time i lived my life to its fullest…ate healthy, felt amazing, lost tons of weight…
all those around me were very encouraging.
they knew what i was doing, how i was doing it, and why i was doing it…and actually some of them recommended it!
i was tired of feeling unwell.
and finally there came a point where i was feeling amazing and reaping the rewards of my lifestyle changes
and the world as i knew it, was perfect.
and that’s when people felt the need to be inappropriate.

“are you sick?  are you eating?  are you healthy?”

and this is where i just get so bloody mad.

i’ve never given any reason for anyone to wonder if i am eating/healthy/ill
i have been very open in the way i eat and why.
it’s not rocket science.
i mean hello…i write a detailed blog about it…
everyone in my life was on the same page as me…or so i thought
5 years ago there was a sense of panic, immediate concern….maybe i needed to talk to someone – insert shocked face right here
seriously, i couldn’t make that shit up if i tried.
my mother oddly enough was the most concerned….you know the one who would feed me lol
For one reason or another i totally went off plan…started eating crap and it seemed like everyone was content.  do people feel better when you are not happy with yourself?
Misery loves company right?
i understand the difference between asking out of concern, or if a friend hasn’t seen me for a while
but knowing what i am doing and how i am doing it and then asking me if i am sick or being unhealthy is a complete and utter insult to all the work i have done.
imagine, eating healthy and working out causes weight loss!!
causes you to feel amazing and get toned.
who knew???
where were these people…you know…when i was eating crap
and would be knocked over in pain cause it made me so sick
where were they then to ask me the same questions??
or is that what is considered normal?
and it’s begun again.
no people.  i am not sick.  i am not hungry,(well actually i am really hungry, it being so close to lunch and all lol) and this is the best i have felt in a very long time.
i feel freakin’ amazing.
and yeah i’m pissed off…
but you are not going to rain on my parade…no not this time.

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girl in the mirror

i spent the weekend shopping.
if you know me in real life, you would understand what torture that is for me.
i was not born with that shopping gene that most women are born with….
i am not a typical girl.  in any way…..
i dislike going to a mall.  i honestly think i would rather watch paint dry.
it’s painful for me.  i become bitchy bee in 1.2 seconds flat.
i hate crowds, dressing room mirrors…and typically most people at the mall.
true story.
actually…the only time i don’t mind shopping is when i am shopping for my niece.  now that’s fun.

if you have been following my journey…you know that a shopping trip was in order
quite frankly it was a necessity.
i could not go to work another day looking like a bag lady.  it’s quite embarrassing.

and so shopping i went.
you would think that people in retail would not look at me like i had 3 heads when asked if they had a petite section.
you would be amazed at how many people do not know the definition of petite when it comes to clothing.
i need to buy petite clothing.
petite has nothing to do with the size of my waist.  if i was 300 pounds or 100 pounds…i would need petite.
i am short.  reaaaalllly short.  I have not grown since i was 13!
i am all of 5’1, and so regular pants do not fit me.
finding petite is a mission that i generally do not have patience for.

i struggled all day Saturday at the mall.  didn’t find one item of clothing.
i decided to step into one last store on my way to the parking lot…where there was success
one pair of pants and 2 tops.

but that wasn’t enough.
so Sunday was day two of shopping.

i was very lucky on Sunday.  i found petite sections in each store i went to.
i found pants that fit me length wise.

there were several revelations this weekend as i stood in the dressing room.
i am still sitting in awe as i type this.

the first one is how not uncomfortable i was trying on clothes and looking in the mirror.
i haven’t felt that way in over 5 years.
see, people can tell you over and over that you have lost weight…and you can see it…sort of…i mean i know i have lost weight
but i don’t think it ever properly sinks in until it’s sitting there staring you right in the face…in those god awful dressing rooms.

i gravitated towards the size i was…oh maybe 4-5 months ago.
i picked up a pair of pants and put them against my waist…
i am not too sure why.  i don’t know what my thinking was.  perhaps it’s a bit of denial…perhaps it’s that fear of being disappointed in trying something on..and it being too small.  perhaps just habit.  i don’t know.  i am still thinking that one through.

i stood in the dressing room…with a pair of pants in my hand…in a size i have never been in my adult life.
i was afraid to put them on…because…i dunno…i really didn’t think they would fit.
they looked so small.
i put them on…and they were a perfect fit.

i stood there just staring at myself.
i felt that familiar lump in my throat and the tears threatened to spill over…i literally had to catch my breath and focus my eyes.
i did not recognize the girl in the mirror.
the girl everyone else saw…but me.
there she was staring back at me…and i finally saw what everyone else sees.
i am tiny.
it was overwhelming, it was huge…it was and still is a moment i cannot put into words.
i finally saw myself the way everyone else did.
all this time…i was still that girl from 6 months ago…with limited achievements…slow progress…so much more to lose.  disappointed.
but in that mirror…i was so far from that girl.  i was accomplished, victorious, successful.
just wow.

i learned a very long time ago that my worth was not based on the size of pants i wore,
what the tag said.
i know what matters most is who i am…and not what the number on the inside of my pants reads.
i get that…

it’s going to take some getting used to…this body of mine…
i’ve never been one to take compliments comfortably…so as of late i’ve felt very uncomfortable in my own skin.

i should be proud of me…and i am proud of me.  big time. but, still….this is all so very new and weird to me.

now can i talk to you about sizes for a moment cause i am really confused.

say for example, i started off as a size 12, and now i am a size 8.  have i dropped 2 sizes or have i dropped 4 sizes?

cause remember those pants i looked so absolutely amazing in???  my sexy pants post???
that’s the difference in me…i’ve dropped 4 sizes (or is it two)
holy crap batman!
No, i won’t say what size i am on here.  i find people get offended for some unknown reason.

i have so much more to say about this…about how i am feeling
but feel that it is much too personal to put here.
this whole experience has brought out so many different emotions and realizations in me
that i just don’t think here is the appropriate place to address them.
i am gonna mull and chew next door…cause there’s a lot going on inside of me at the moment.

i feel so amazing…and feel so overwhelmed all in the same breath.

i am smaller than i was 5 years ago.  i am the smallest i have ever been in my whole adult life.
there’s alot going on in me right now.

thanks for reading my rambles 🙂

happy Monday kids (do u know i typed happy Friday at first?  talk about wishful thinking!!!!)

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