Monthly Archives: July 2010

hurtin’ unit

i really am.
i had no idea how sore a body could get…and believe me…it can get sore
last night was my night off…not like i really had a choice
my body was clearly telling me to slow down.  and so i did.  i had the most relaxing night.
honestly…i was kind of antsy…cause my mind wanted to work out
it was just my body that would not move.
my shoulder is feeling a lot better…so i thought tonight…i would do my 45 min of cardio.
apparently that’s not going to happen.
i acutally feel worse today.  the soreness has doubled…every step i take is an effort
it’s funny…to watch me i’m sure.  cause normally i am the coolest chick i know…so trying to walk all normal and not looking cool…is unheard of.
but today i think i am uncool.  even my coworker pointed that out.
it’s ok…giving up cool for a day is a sacrafice i can make…cause that’s how i roll.
speaking of rolling..i don’t know how many times i woke up in the middle of the night because just the mere act of moving a limb woke me up in pain.
i guess walking approx 12 km’s in 2 days was too much ehh?
no working out tonight…again.  i guess i will just have to go pick up an iced coffee and sit by the lake and relax 🙂
hurtin’ unit indeed.

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a family affair

my parents are coming back from their vacation today!
i gotta say i am pretty excited…i’ve actually missed them quite a bit.
(i’m as shocked as you are lol).

I haven’t seen my dad since mid May…and i saw my mom 6 weeks ago when i dropped her off at the airport so she could go meet up with him.
this is the longest i have ever gone not seeing them…
well except one other time…but that’s not a story for here.

so you know what this means right?

i have gone over 2 months without a real home cooked meal.  you know, only the kind that your parents can make.
my parents will be jet lagged but on a high to see us again…and my mom will for certain slave away in the kitchen all day…
and my dad will be the keeper of the BBQ.
he will also probably make my two favourite greek salads (he only does that when he reallllly misses me…it’s actually quite cute) and he will be sure to cook my steak medium rare, even tho the rest of the family eats theirs well done…and he thinks “undercooked” meat is disgusting.
it’s the little things he does for me…makes me know for certain, that even at my age…i will always be daddy’s little girl.
he takes pride in feeding his family…probably as much as my mom does.

and you know what?  i’d say about 80% of what they cook is totally on my plan.
so there is going to be good eatin’ this weekend.
never mind that when they cook…they cook for an army….so there will be leftovers for me to bring home!!
all my family will be there….which means i get to hang out with the girl i love the most…my niece.
we will eat, laugh, drink and celebrate….we will also celebrate the newest baby in the family!
i realized over the past couple of days that i am really fortunate to have this life…to have my family…even tho they piss me off a lot

i haven’t seen them for so long…that i wonder if they will notice the changes in me…
for some reason that i cannot explain, my mothers opinion of me takes up more space in my head than i care to admit.
one “off” comment and i could be broken for days.  it’s true.
i am pretty sure she won’t comment on my weight…i mean i am over 2 sizes smaller than the last time she saw me.
actually i know she won’t…it’s impossible really…  but you can’t blame a girl for having her concerns.
i paint a not so pretty picture…but the truth is…she will see me…run to me…throw her arms around me and kiss my face off.
she’ll tell me she missed me…and that i look beautiful.  she’ll hold on to me for a good 5 minutes and even stroke my face and squeeze the crap outta me.
this is my mom.  she is a total mom.
the older i get…i realize how blessed i am to have such a loving, affectionate mom.

my dad will hug and kiss me and tell me i look good and then grab me a beer 🙂
and if he reallllly missed me…he will go out of his way to get me my low carb beer.

never mind the presents that will be waiting for me!  woooohooo!!!
since i am addicted to my camera…there will be pictures.

it’s going to be an awesome long weekend!!!

i see bikinis, sun, water, friends, family, birthday lovin’, and karaoke rockin’, chair dancin’ in my near future.
i’m so not done with summer yet!!

so have an awesome long weekend all….
this song seems like a good way to start…at least for me it does ha!
clickety click here

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one multigrained bun
only one.

i got ahead of myself…way ahead of myself.
thought all would be well in my world…after all it’s multi grain right?

sometimes i forget…that my body is not equipped for that
even multi grain
it just can’t handle it.

oy vay.  it’s going to be a long afternoon.

on to other news…my blog next door is up and running

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walking on sunshine

i need an off button.  i am so go big or go home….i gotta find a happy medium.
apparently walking is my new “thing”
since i hurt my shoulder i had to find another way to get some physical exercise…and so walking it is.
i love it actually. 
i took a walk through residential areas and saw about a million homes i wanted to buy lol
i left while it was still light out so i felt brave enough to listen to my ipod.  i got a few interesting stares…apparently i use my outside voice…loudly…and sing along. 
hey…i am nothing if i am not entertaining.

so my goal was an hour and a half.  i had no idea how long my mapped out route would take but i did want to at least be walking for an hour and a half.  i was completely bang on.  i was one minute over my goal time.  wow.

i was wearing my pedometer…i love looking at how many steps i’ve taken!!  not only that, it also shows me the distance.
Sooooo….last night i walked almost 8km’s.  For my american peeps…that’s about 5 miles.  I almost got to my 10,000 step goal too.  I took 9857 steps to be exact. lol I don’t know if that’s good or bad…but it was good for me.
it was an awesome night weather wise…a soft breeze…perfect.

as i neared my house…i will be honest with you…  i kind of wish someone came by and offered to carry me home.  i was already sore from my walk the day before….at this point…it felt like my ass was going to fall off.  no joke. 
fall off.
who knew your ass had so many muscles?!
not only was it a struggle to get home…but when i got home i still had a dog to walk…that was pleasant!

today is a rest day.  i could barely walk from my house to my car this morning…so i pretty much have no choice but to take it easy tonight.
i could totally use an ass rub down 🙂

oh…and i saw my bunny again!!  i think there is a love affair blooming.  i have affectionately named him “dood”. 
i love him.
i figure one day he may just let me pet him.
i took a picture with my blackberry…so the quality is pretty crap…but here is my latest love interest.

if you are in the least bit interested in what song was my my blow out performance yesterday…do click here

Happy Thursday kids!!
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grief and facing my fears

my mind is busy so there is no telling where this blog is going…i warn you it may be long.

i went for my first solo walk last night, i can’t remember the last time i did that.
i mapped out my route in my head and figured i would be walking an hour.  i was pretty bang on.  i walked for 55 min.
where i was hugely off was what my pedometer would read when i was done.  i thought it would be no effort hitting 10,000 steps…i hit just under 6000.
i’ll try not to beat myself up too much…at least that gives me something to aim for next time.
so i am not too sure how i did, meaning how many calories i burned etc…but i do know that i felt amazing when i got back home…for several reasons.

something has changed in me since i took my solo trip this summer.  like something clicked inside me and finally made me realize that life is short…and that the time i have is precious.  i mean you always “know” this…but this feeling within me…it was like a new turning point.  that’s the only way i can explain it.  i just want to live.  i don’t want to be stagnant.  ever.

Many moons ago…in my first year of college, i was walking home from work and was grabbed from behind.  i didn’t see it coming.  this guys hands were struggling with my pants…
i always walked home from work with my pepper spray in hand.  i felt safe that way.  people called me paranoid.  i guess i wasn’t so paranoid after all.
i managed to spray him in the face and got away.
and so began a slow growing fear of walking alone.  as long as i had the pepper spray i still felt safe.  once that was gone…so was my security.
the older i got…the more my fears manifested…into these ugly…things…that governed how i lived my life.

not any more.  i refuse to feel caged.  and so i went.  by myself.
i won’t lie.  my anxiety was high.  i had my cell phone and my house keys between my fingers.  i was overly aware of my surroundings.  i went against my whole character and made zero eye contact with anyone who passed me by.  i did not want to encourage conversation and i certainly did not want any attention brought to me.
i was out there to get some exercise…and i was out there to reclaim my life.
i did it.
i kept a quick pace for these little legs of mine.  i only stopped at major intersections for red lights…and of course when i saw the cutest little bunny ever.
how could i not stop!
i tried to befriend him…but he was a little tease…letting me get close and then hopping far enough away where i couldn’t touch him.
good thing i guess.  had he paid me an ounce of attention i probably woulda tucked him in my pocket and taken him home.

my mind is always on…never off.  taking a walk gave me lots of time to think of a million things.
mostly my mamma.
i put her down 3 weeks ago yesterday.  i miss her so much.  the house is so quiet.
to some people…grief over an animal is a hard thing to grasp.  and so i keep my grief to myself…because it feels like i should have been over it…oh a couple of days after it happened.
but i’m not.  16 years of having her in my life.  of course a part of me feels empty.
god i miss her.
i don’t need a therapist to tell me that i have been keeping so busy so i don’t have a moment to sit still and feel that pain.  i get that.
i am keeping busy…doing the things i enjoy…and actually enjoying those moments…alot.  like i said…this has been the best summer of my life.
but i guess i am just not ready to sit still.
and that’s ok.

cause i wanna walk…i wanna reclaim…i wanna live.  and i’d like to think she’d want that for me too.

and so that’s my story.

i went for a walk last night.  by myself.
Might not seem like a big deal to anyone else…but for me…
i feel like i conquered the world…and i guess i kinda sorta did.

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damaged goods

that’s me.  damaged 😦
i managed to have my first work out related injury yesterday, and i gotta tell you…it’s not pleasant.
i raced home after work to fit in a work out before meeting up with a friend for dinner.  it was her birthday yesterday and i was excited to see her and spend part of her day with her!
Anyways i had quite the day at work yesterday.  the kind of day that i would punch a mere stranger if i thought it would make me feel better…but i thought…meh, save it for the work out.
I was totally pumped for this work out.  I was giving it my all…all my aggression just melting away.  with every kick and punch and funky dance move…i was feeling better.
until something wonky happened in my shoulder.
i dunno what the hell it was or how to even begin explaining it.
i felt this slight burn…and all of a sudden my shoulder felt like it was an elastic band that quickly lost all it’s elasticity.
it hurt…it burned…but not enough to make me stop my work out.  I remember thinking…work through the pain bee.
And so i did.  i finished the work out…showered, got dressed and picked up my bff for some bday goodness.
at this point…i was in pain.
but it doesn’t feel like my muscle is in that much pain…more so my shoulder bone.  it feels bruised…and my skin is all patchy red.  weird.
I got home and couldn’t remember what you did for a pulled muscle..which is totally what i am assuming i have.  do you apply hot then cold or just cold or just heat??  So i just applied heat.
I had a craptastic sleep.
Last night i was debating whether i should work out tonight.  this morning…the answer is a big fat no.  no no no.
Maybe i will go out for a long walk tonight…so i don’t feel like i haven’t done anything…of course..minus the dog.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough….at 5am i found myself sitting up in bed yelping away in pain…apparently my body thought it would be hilarious to give me a charlie horse…you know…just for fun.
this is the second time in my life i have had one.  the first one was about a year ago…at the exact same time.  5 am. 
Crawling out of bed this morning…all hunched over…gimpy leg in tow…
i just had to laugh.  this was totally the universes way of evening things out. it had to be.  life was just too amazingly awesome as of late.  something had to come along and piss me off.
ahhh it’s a bee’s life.
on to other news…a few of you have asked for the address to my personal blog.  just send me an email. it is currently going under some major renos….but it will only be a few days me thinks.
have a good one kids…hope your night was better than mine and your day even better!

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live your life

sometimes you have to take a break from the every day.  a break from counting.
counting calories, fat grams, carb intake, sodium levels etc.
you know…the obsession that can become your life.

sometimes you just have to “be”.
I’ve realized this summer, that the times i am just “being” are my most productive…health, sanity and weight loss wise.

when you are not thinking and just being…you have the whole world in front of you.  waiting for you to discover it.

think about it.

get away.  get away from your every day.  remove yourself from the stress that has become your life.  be it one day…a weekend, or a week.

how amazing is it to do the things that bring you joy…and benefit from it too?

waking up…and putting on your bathing suit before your eyes are even open…throwing your hair back and bouncing down the stairs…excited to greet the faces waiting for you.
finding a silly poem, by your morning coffee…that throws you into uncontrollable laughter…and you read it over and over throughout the day…tuck it away somewhere safe because this is something that could never be thrown away…pull it out one more time and laugh some more.
i would take 10 minutes of belly laughter than 20 min of my turbo jam ab workout any day.

walking down to the dock and jumping into the water (ok ok, walking ever so slowly into the water, screaming like a girl cause it’s so cold)…swimming and laughing and channeling your inner child..playing.  when’s the last time you played?
out of breath and exhausted.  exhilarated and content.  hours later….still swimming…still loving and laughing.

there is nothing better than exercising and not realizing that you are exercising!

finally able to remove yourself from the water…gather together for the most amazing…delicious bbq ever
i think it’s the company you keep…the environment…the remnants of the day…that makes it amazing.
without thinking, i ate a meal of champions…and all on plan.

even the still moments.  sitting on the deck.  talking and laughing.
reconnecting and rediscovering.  imagine what that does for you…for your state of mind…for your soul.
quiet silences…crazy laughter.
there is no way that life could get better than this very second.
removing the stress…do you know what that does for your body?

early nights…even earlier mornings.  fresh air, catching up on books…group puzzles…peace.
no desire for the computer or phone.  just the company i keep and the silence and silliness behind it.
i even made a deal with the mosquitoes.  do not bite me and i do not kill you.
not one bite.
falling in love…friendships…newness…familiarity…2nd chances.
just freakin pinch me already.

and you wake up in the morning and do it all over again.
and only slightly notice the soreness in your muscles…because for certain
you blessed your body more in one day than you have in months
by playing, by being.  by doing.
by not being bound by the feeling of “having to”  but by just “wanting to”

i am back home now…back to the same old routine.  for sure the stress will creep into me before morning breaks.
but i will try to remember to play more often…to just be….

of course…being in the presence of a 14 year old one eyed dog…(who i swear is my canine equivalent) is a once in a lifetime experience…but i’ve always got the memories 🙂

oh and don’t forget….there’s nothing like a little vitamin D to make you feel like you can conquer the world.
here i am setting an example.

i’ve got alot to say about my weekend…and my discoveries…and my realizations.
i’ll be posting all that on my personal blog…come on over if you are interested 🙂

you only have one life.  live it.

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bbq anyone?

one of the best things about summer is…it’s bbq season.
do you find that a bbq is the centre of any social gathering?
it’s like someone mentions bbq…and you are in!!
“wanna have a bbq?  wanna invite so and so?  wanna bring the bbq to the beach and make a day of it?”  awesome!!
good friends, good food, good times!
there’s nothing better for this low carbin’ meat eatin’ steak lovin’ gal.  how i was ever a vegetarian i will never know.
but bbq season in my life is all year round.  thankfully everyone in my life loves to bbq.
we bbq throughout the seasons.  by “we”, i mean everyone else but me.  i don’t go anywhere near a bbq.  i will eat the food…but alas…i will never cook it.
there is something very scary about living 11 stories high and lighting that baby up.  all i can picture is bits o’ bee all over the lobby.  nice ehh?
it’s best to leave elle bee to the bbq’ing…and thankfully my friends and family love to bbq too.
so it works out for everyone.  they get to do something they enjoy, and so do i. EAT!
a nice steak and veggies on the grill…and a cold beer…and well…you pretty much own my heart.

so imagine how excited i got when my friend purchased a disposable bbq for our trip to the beach!!!  and all for the low low price of 5 bucks.  i guess that should have concerned me…but it didn’t.  a one use bbq for 5 bucks sounds fair.  bring on the burgers and sausages baby!!

So after a day of swimming and lazing in the sun getting sun kissed…our appetites were fierce.  time to start the barbie baby.
oy vay.
what a nightmare that was.  you would think it would be easy…but the damn thing refused to light up.  we tried…i would guess for an hour to get the coals going…finally giving in and asking the people who were bbq’ing tandoori shishkabobs beside us for some lighter fluid (and a skewer please lol)
finally we had it going…burgers were on.  but were they cooking is the question!!  about another hour later we felt it was safe enough to eat them.
they were….disgusting. lol.  it was like eating a charcoal…and don’t even get me started on the sand that blew on to them.  i had sand in my mouth 2 days later.
the sausages had to be better.  so they are cooking…(or are they)…lol…and they don’t seem any different.
cause the coals died.  bbq over.  sausages trashed.  bellies so grossed out they really aren’t that hungry anymore.
disposable bbq.  not so hot.

for 5 bucks you can get this:

or for 5 bucks you can get these:

i think the 2nd option worked out much better 🙂

anyways…another bbq this weekend.
on a real bbq
far far away
at a cottage
on the water
my freshly manicured toes and bikini in tow
seriously.  this is my life.
2010 is turning out to be the best.summer.ever

play nice kids

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1000 pound woman

most of you have heard of her…if not, this might make your toes curl.

A woman from New Jersey, who is currently 600 pounds, has set a goal to weigh 1000 pounds.

Donna Simpson is a 42 year old mother of two.  Her youngest being 3 years old.  Here she is.

She gives herself 2 years to gain the additional 400 pounds, by consuming over 12 000 calories a day.  She spends approximately 750 dollars a week on groceries to support this goal.
To earn her money she has her own fetish website, where men pay to watch her eat and bathe etc.
Different strokes for different folks.

It is so very hard not to be disgusted.

It’s obvious that this woman will take the attention wherever she can get it.
But my concern does not lie with her.
My concern is those children.

What kind of role model is this woman for her children?  what message is she sending to them about body image, health, self respect, morals etc.
It’s one thing if you don’t give a rats ass about yourself, but what about those children???

Who will take care of these children when this woman dies from all the health complications she is bringing on to HERSELF.  Who will be there to hold their grief?
Does she not want to be around to raise them?

Is this not some form of child abuse?  Are there any laws in place to stop her?

It’s like the lady who lives beside me.  Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her all the time.  the cops have been called a million times….and each and every time this woman defends him…and he does not get taken away.
Fine.  if she wants to defend him..all the power to her…but…and this is a very big but…this woman has four children.  Do these kids not have a voice in all of this?  if the cops have been called so many times…do the police not have some sort of legal obligation to remove him from the home and investigate?
what message is this woman sending to her children?  is she telling her sons that it’s ok to put your hands on a woman?  is she teaching her only daughter…that this is the way relationships are….and paving a road of abuse for her?

oh man i went off on a rant…i’m sorry.  but this really pisses me off.
Thank god i am getting a mani and pedi 🙂

Good luck there Donna Simpson.  It’s apparent you don’t give a crap about yourself…but what a wonderful human being you are dragging your children down with you.
kudos to you.

if you want to read more click here

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taking back the night

those of you who know me know….that i am a night creature
i love the night
the night is when i feel most awake, most energetic, most creative
i always do my best writing at night.
when i was younger (and stupid) i would go for long walks
i would wander over to the lake at 2am…and just walk.
i would never do that today…as i get older, the fear of what could happen is very real.
I would take my cocker spaniel for long walks…even though he was cute and small…i still felt safe with him for my late night walks.
and then he passed away…and slowly the late night walks ended.
i’ve been walking lately…with elle bee and the puppy…and have realized how much i miss it
walking in the night…when things are quiet…
and so last night i did it on my own.
well not on my own…but with the dog.
My dog is 11.  she trips over her own legs…she doesn’t see that great and her hearing is not so hot either.
Basically if i were in any sort of trouble…i would be SOL.
But you know what?  she’s a dalmatian.  if i didn’t know her…i wouldn’t mess with her!
oddly enough i feel extremely safe with her beside me…i took my cell with me just incase.
So we went for a walk.  it felt awesome.  it was a 40 min walk…but if she wasn’t with me i am sure i could have done it in half an hour…
she certainly taught me patience and how important it is to take it easy and stop to smell the roses (or other dog pee)
it was great.
i then came home and just relaxed…feeling accomplised.
a 45 minute work out and a 40 min walk.
i reclaimed the night…and it feels amazing!!!

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