Monthly Archives: June 2010

Pee Ehm Ess

Sorry boys…this probably is not a blog that you will want to read.

But…hey…it’s a part of life…and more importantly my life!

For about 2 weeks out of every month…my body decides to declare war on itself.  For reasons unknown….my body decides I must be punished for being a girl.

It teases and taunts me…even mocks me.  It morphs into something incredibly hideous every time I see a mirror…

It makes me cry for no good reason, makes my greek ragey fire come out full force, makes me girly and sensitive to the point where I can’t even stand myself.

It feels like I have little guys in there playing ping pong with my ovaries…and I have this ability to hear children that are miles away…and that in itself makes my uterus ache.

I get sucked into this hormonal vortex that I can’t climb out of.  I become this irritable, emotional…thing and my brain is clearly aware that I am over reacting but I just can’t stop!!

And for good measure…the girls become twice their size. I will have to assume that this is to encourage partners or potential love interests…that despite our “craziness” we are a-ok.  Something cave man like…ya know…we are worth mating with lol
Surely that is why boobs were created yes?
Don’t even get me started on how much they hurt….anywayyyz.

As if that’s not bad enough…lets talk cravings.  You know the ones.  Where your body requires sugar and salt to fuel it’s pms rampage.

The more you try to drown out the voices…the louder they become.  

I have no idea why my own body…the one I nurture, love and adore would want to sabotage me in that way.

The need to consume Lay’s Dill Pickle Chips, with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream…
At one sitting…
Or surely I will DIE.
The never ending appetite where it seems all you do all day long is eat, eat and eat some more…and never are satisfied.

The craving that will send your significant other out in the middle of the night, just to appease you…just for some calm, quiet solitude. (well, if they value their life that is lol)

You all know what I am talking about ladies.  Each and every one of you.

The PMS demon is a hard one.  I find that it’s the most difficult time for me to resist a craving….

These past few months I have been amazing at not giving in to those cravings….even in my PMS rage I am able to rationalize and not give in.  I find substitutes…that will satisfy my need.

I am only human though…I must admit…that one day….the dill pickle chips will win.  It’s just today is not that day.

What are your PMS weaknesses?

On to something completely unrelated…
Happy Canada day to my fellow Canucks!  I am off tonight to party like it’s 1999!

Enjoy 🙂

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back to life…

Back to reality (a little Soul II Soul for you) lol – hope it sticks in your head like it has in mine!  I shouldn’t have to suffer alone.

I was a little worried for this time to arrive.  You know…that after vacation time…where your body still wants to be on vacation.  Where you think that you no longer need to be careful with what you consume and no longer need to work out…cause well…the vacation is over.

The goal is gone.

I’m in a pretty good mind set kids.  When feeding time came around yesterday, I wasn’t even slightly tempted to go off track.  I ate well…AND I went home and worked out right away.

Sure, I achieved one goal.  That was to feel semi comfortable in a bikini.  I guess I surpassed that goal cause I never felt more comfortable frolicking around in all of my nekkidness! Lol

But my goals are a constant.  Never ending.  After all…there is next summer you know…my goal is to feel comfortable in my skin.  I am getting there…but I am not there yet.

But you know what?  Reaching your goal(s) is no reason to stop.  It’s sorta counter productive don’t you think?  I mean you work so hard…reach a goal…and then go back to eating poorly and not working out.  Where does that get you?  Probably further behind then where you started.

Hopefully this time next year I will be writing about how I am at the maintenance stage.

Anywhooo.  My appetite last night was insatiable.  I just could not stop snacking and nibbling.
Before I would always say I had no idea why…but I am well aware.

My hormones are wreaking havoc on me these days…and I am dealing with a heart breaking situation at the moment. (that’s another blog, for another day)
Talk about wanting to stuff my emotions full of food.  

I managed to keep the snacks at a carb friendly level…and so there is no guilt there.
I’m Greek…my guilt is better spent elsewhere

Have a good one kids…and just for fun…click here

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i’m baaaack…with a pic :)

hi lovelies!

did you miss me?  i must say the only reason i remotely missed my computer was to document all the life altering moments i experienced.  there were many. Of course…they were so amazing that they will forever be etched in my memory until the day i die…so no computer was necessary.  I had packed  my net book…but had no need to bring her out.  I am still chewing everything i have experienced….savouring the million flavours coarsing through my body….
there is just too much to write…when it comes into fruition in my brain…i shall blog about that…next door in my personal blog.

I managed quite well food wise while i was away.  not to say that there wasn’t any devil carb treats….because there were.  I decided that i could eat those things that were not available in Canada….after all…i was in another country…and there was much carbolicious sweetness to experience.  Other than a few sinfully delicious treats…i stayed on track.  yay me!!!!  AND i don’t have an ounce of guilt in this body.  Besides, there was a lot of walking, swimming…and sweating…i am sure those pounds didn’t stick!

I’d love to write more…although i am sporting my beach hair….the pile of paper work and emails tells me i ain’t in Kansas anymore kids.  back to the real world.

*big fat hairy sigh*

I have a million words floating through my head….my experiences….my pleasures…my life altering get away…and i will break one of my two promises and write them here (this is supposed to be just a food/health blog)….but i feel like sharing today 🙂

tuna sashimi
grouper bites
elvis balls/bits/bites
dolphin bellies
sea turtles
skinny dipping in the ocean in the middle of the day
spanish moss
black swans
jet skiing
furry balls
swimming with dolphins
sun kissed
australian gold
pretty juice
lady gardens
muddy mojitos
heat lightening
aunt wee’s dip
tim tam slams
stingray shuffle
crab ankle nibbles
salt water

i think i was born to be forever sun kissed and reside by the sea.  for certain i was a mermaid in my past life.

And now i leave you with a picture.  i am breaking rule #2 of 2.  But i had to share.  This picture is amazing for several reasons…if you were there at that very moment you would know why.  But look at that face…free of stress…full of life and love…and living in the moment.  you can’t buy that feeling.

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the goddess in bee

Count down has officially begun!  woop!!

I have been crazy busy lately.  Even thinking about it makes me tired.  By last night I was sure I was just going to drop.
Yesterday’s duties included cooking dinner, working out and cleaning my car.
I was nursing a really bad headache – yes the same one I wrote about last week…and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball.

I cooked dinner.  And that was it.

Elle Bee convinced me to hold off on the car washing until tonight…and also convinced me that I could take a night off from working out.  After all…I did work out on hump day – my day of supposed rest.
And so I relaxed.  In a half comatose state, the night was mine.

Today…after I tie up all my loose ends at work…I am going for a long over due mani and pedi.

I have been so busy taking care of myself…working myself into a healthy bee…I neglected the goddess in me 😉
The thought of getting pampered will totally get me through this day.
I once knew someone who hated pedicures.  Seriously…who hates pedicures???

So after the spa…it’s off to clean my car.  Elle Bee has offered to do the hard work…so I don’t ruin the mani!
Then possibly a work out.

The next few days will be insanely busy.  Not only do I have a trip I need to get ready for but I have several commitments I must honour.

I have a wedding on Saturday…my bee-autiful friend is getting married…and Sunday I am dropping off and picking up at the airport.  I have to figure out how to get from one end of the airport to the other in warp speed…no worries about getting my exercise in that day kids!

Soon…I shall be sitting on a beach…in my rockin’ chocolate brown bikini…breathing in the salt air…loving my life to the core.

Somebody pinch me cause I’ve got to be dreamin’!

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shout out

I don’t really know who comes to my blog.  I know that my friends are highly entertained by my rambles and come back not because they are following my weight loss/health journey per say, but they come back because they are my friends and support me through it.

The same goes with strangers.  People are emailing me, telling me that they enjoy my blog and sometimes even share their stories with me…or provide me with links to their very own blogs.  I have conversed with some pretty awesome people that I never would have met had it not been for creating this blog.  For that I am grateful.

Not only does it give me a sense of community, but it also fuels my desire to keep on keeping on.  I think it keeps me more accountable, more focused.  I am no longer alone in this big blogging world.  Yes I do have amazing people in my personal life who are there for me 100%, but it’s nice to have this little community to stand with.

I didn’t realize how big of a blogging community there was out there regarding health and weight loss, until I created my own blog.

I have run into so many amazing blogs, with people going through the exact same things as I am…even if their plans are different.

I don’t know why I felt like I was the only one…but I did.  Nice to know that I am not alone!

I gave a shout out to a couple of blogs that really caught my attention…you can find them at the bottom of my “about bee” page.  I think they totally deserve a read.

Keep reading, keep commenting, keep reaching out…I’m lovin’ it!

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the work

It’s hard doing the work.

No one said doing something worthwhile was easy.  Nothing good comes for free.
I try to live by the saying “decide, commit, succeed”, because it’s so true if you just think about it.

A few months ago I was stuck in a trap of sorts.  I was unhappy with who I was…physically, and of course that took a toll on me mentally and emotionally.  I had been working out for a couple of months but didn’t see a difference in my physique.  I was eating a not so low carb diet but thought that was ok since I was dedicated to working out.

Not true.

Something had to change.  But I was too down in the dumps and too tired for change.  I wasn’t too tired to whine about how I felt tho…..whine whine whine.
It’s a vicious circle.

You are unhappy with yourself, you are exhausted and feel sluggish from the extra weight your body is carrying…you are too tired to do anything physical when you get home….how do you ever get out of it???

(this is a conversation I had with a friend the other day)

You just DO.

You come to a point where you have had enough.  A point where you can’t take it anymore.  But you need to reach that point on your own, within yourself.

What’s that saying?

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Something needs to change!

Just start.  Make a change, no matter how small. If you are committed to making a change…you will.

They say that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit.  I don’t know who they are…but it sounds good 😉

People actually look at me and call me a bitch, or say they are jealous, or “feel sorry” for me cause my clothes don’t fit.  Sarcasm anyone? lol
I know all this is said in jest.
But sometimes I just wanna say…whatever!!

I did not get to here…where I am right now by doing nothing.  Where I am did not come easy…and it’s still not easy.  I would LOVE to be one of those people who can eat anything and not work out and not gain an ounce of weight.
But I am not that person.

And so I did the calculations…
In order for me to succeed…these are the things I need to do.  I need to eat healthy and I need to work out.  If I do those two things it equals personal success.

It’s the easiest math dontcha think?

The theory is easy…yes.  But the work is hard.
It’s dedication each and every day.  It’s making a conscious decision…that I deserve to be happy…and that I deserve the best life I can have.
To be the best bee I can be 😉

Decide, Commit, Succeed.

Do the work.  Sometimes it sucks ass…but it’s worth it.

It’s a rainy, crappy Wednesday morning.  I think a song is in order

click here

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Yesterday was the day.
Bikini shopping.

Oy vay.

I left it to the last possible minute, you know, incase I miraculously grew 6 pack abs over night.
Such was not the case.

I went home after work and worked out.  I figured that if I worked out before I went, I may have felt better about trying on bathing suits and the fact that I will be scantily clad for about a week.
Again, such was not the case.

What I should have done was have a couple glasses of wine and headed over to Bikini Village…and then I just wouldn’t give a crap.  Ahhh….i didn’t have my thinking cap on obviously.

Because I am a gluten for punishment, I decided to pull out the bikini I wore 5 years ago.  My itsy bitsy, teeny weenie white Calvin Klein bikini.  May I also mention that 5 years ago I was at my lowest weight ever in my adult life.

I know…what the hell was I thinking????

So the bottoms went on fine…they fit perfect actually.  The top however…oh mah gawwwd.  I mean, if I sneezed I am sure one of the girls would have come flying out.

So of course that threw me into a whole dramatic depression.  Woe is me…blah blah blah
What a lovely way to set the mood.

But I did it kids, fluorescent lighting and magic dressing room mirrors which make objects appear fatter than what they really are…did not stop me!

And of course, the fact that Elle Bee held my hand through the whole thing and was right there incase of a total break down to talk me down …was a lifesaver!
Everyone needs an Elle Bee…but I ain’t sharing.  Back off and get yer own Elle Bee!!

I tried on about 6 bathing suits…if not more.
I settled for a bikini…yes a bikini.  Not a tankini, not a one piece.  A gorgeous chocolate brown bikini.  Of course it was the most expensive one I tried on…but it fit nicely…and trying it on didn’t throw me into convulsions.

I am going to rock a bikini!  Who knew?

I was speaking to a friend via email…and she left me with these words:

Wear a one piece or wear a bikini, wear whatever makes you feel comfortable….just don’t “wear” your insecurities….because you are poetry in motion.

I’ve got some awesome people in my life ehh?

On to other news…I went and bought a couple pairs of capris.  I am more than ecstatic to announce that I am officially a size 2.  Not a pretend 2…you know…where you suck your gut in and struggle with the buttons to make it fit?  A comfortable fitting…with room to breathe size 2.  If anything…that totally made my week.

6 more sleeps.  Wow!

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Compromise – a picture post

life is never going to happen the way you plan.  Not always…

my life is pretty regimented as of late.  i have a plan, and i like to stick to it as close as possible.  I am a creature of habit for sure…but the Sagittarius in me craves the unexpected, the unplanned….i love spontaneity.

So Friday evening, the evening was mine…after working out of course.

Well, i had the opportunity to attend Luminato.  Luminato is Toronto’s Festival of Arts and Creativity.  If you would like to know more about it, click here

It was the opening night, and a girl i know was playing the sax for Sass Jordan.  Who can pass up the opportunity of seeing a sexy, fiery red head playing the sax??  She is totally my pretend girlfriend…she just doesn’t know it 😉

So anyways…there was no way that i could get home, cook dinner, work out and get ready all by 6:00pm.  So…i sacrificed the work out.

All hope was not lost.  Instead of taking the subway to the event…we walked several blocks.  After the event we walked down to one of Elle Bee’s bars…in total we walked well over an hour.  that’s gotta count for something right?  I am sure it did cause i was sore in places i never knew existed.


I still got a bit of a work out in….and still had an amazing evening.  I rewarded myself with a gin and diet, hung out at the bar for a bit…and then headed home.  Awesome night!

the following day was my little man’s first birthday party!  the thought had crossed my mind that there would be a lot of food there that i shouldn’t have.  it wasn’t that much of a big deal this time around.  i knew what i was eating ahead of time…and i knew that there would be cake screaming my name!  But the awesome thing was…i had no desire to go off plan.

Anyways, out came these delicious looking cupcakes…and i am not gonna lie…i was tempted to have one.  I decided against it and let the little birthday man have my share.

Obviously he was enjoying his first taste of sugar 😉  It was worth it to me…to see him enjoy it so much.  So…it all worked out!  I even went home and worked out…


On Friday, on our way to the event….i of course had to stop in a shoe store.  i found these shoes that i had to have.  when i put them on they were so comfortable…and they fit purrfectly.

i loved them and wanted them to be mine.

i was their Cinderella.

But, i am a rational person…they were way outta my budget, and so the answer was no.  not right now.

With great sadness, i put the shoes away…and carried on….cried a bit.  Look at what i left behind!!

Ugh!  but when i got home i was willing to sacrifice a bit of my vacation wardrobe to purchase these…and then realized that i had just received my tax return that would cover  the whole cost of these babies.  the shoes were mine!

So i went shopping….ALLLLLL DAY yesterday. Yup.  looking for those shoes.  i found the shoes but no one had my size.  no one.  I have pretty small feet…and it’s really hard to find shoes that fit me just right .  i wanted to kick my own ass for not picking them up when i saw them the other day…i was so….defeated.

We decided to try one other store…and no…they did not have them.  I was done.  I am not a shopper on a good day….5 hours later i just wanted to pull out my hair or hit someone!

And then i saw these…..

they were equally purrrfect!!!!  AND they had my size.  it was a sign.  they were mine.  No they were not the ones i originally fell in love with…but my god they are perdy.


all about compromise kids 😉

I am off to the mall tonight…a different mall…to see if by chance i can find the other ones…cause now i am just obsessed.  Besides….it’s bikini shopping night.  wish me luck!

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It’s been an amazing couple of days.  I can’t complain.  Well I could always complain…but I won’t today 😉

I’ve been trying to recover from my late nights…especially from my chillin’ out night…and today kids I am feeling rather exhausted.

Yesterday was an amazing, rock your socks kind of day.  I survived on little to no sleep from the night before but was still able to have a productive day.
I was probably still on a high from my evening…

I was wonder woman for sure yesterday…busy busy day at work, then grocery shopping, then a 45 min work out and then I cooked dinner and walked the dog.  It was after 7 when I sat down and had my tea and could actually sit still for a moment.
I love days like that.  I love feeling productive.

My dinner was amazing!!  If you practice a lifestyle of the low fat variety I would highly suggest you skip this part. Lol

Yesterday I made chicken breasts stuffed with herb and garlic cream cheese  wrapped in bacon.  I then rolled them in some parmesan/garlic/sea salt “breading”.
And a nice greek salad on the side.
Can you say yummy?

I was thinking of taking pictures of these amazing meals I make and posting them here…I know my blog could use some colour.  It’s definitely food for thought.

I’ve had some amazing conversations lately.  Could be because I have some amazing people in my life.
I will share that another day!!

Apparently I like the word amazing today. lol

Today is Friday kids.  Although I could fall asleep at any given moment I am so ready to rock the day.  Exhausted but full of energy.  Is that a little oxy moron-ish?

I will leave you with this.  I bet you can’t sit still can you?  Go ahead…chair dance. I won’t tell anyone.
Happy Friday and have an amazing weekend!!

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i spend all of my time, careful with what i eat, making sure i get a work out in….being as health conscious as i can be.
when i have a goal in mind, there is no stopping me.  it’s the sagg in me i think 😉

but sometimes i get tired mamma.

i decided last night was a night dedicated to relaxing.

all i wanted to do when i got home, was get into my fat pants and take a nap.
then when i woke up…to do absolutely nothing but what my heart desired.
actually i lied.  what i really wanted to do was come home and get a work out in…but i was really, and i mean really tired. 
i gave myself permission to listen to that voice telling me to slow down.
after all, it’s all about listening to your body…and my body needed some down time.

what a lot of people fail to realize is that rest is so important.
i mean, i could work out 7 days a week, but i am honestly not so sure what physical benefits that really has.  I know it makes me feel amazing, but i am entitled to a night off no? (can u hear the guilt in my voice? lol)
some of the girls at work told me that you should only work out 3 days a week…but that seems…minimal.
i am such a go big or go home kind of girl…that 3 days a week seems impossible.
Once i get something in my head…that’s it.

I have been nursing a headache for the past 7 days now. yeah i know…7 days!  Working out has calmed it down for maybe an hour or so (who knew!), but last night i made the decision to just stop.  slow it down.
maybe my body was trying to tell me i was doing too much too fast.

my bff of 20 years lovingly gave me the nick name wonder woman.  she thinks i hold the moon.
but i am sure even wonder woman suffered from burn out….didn’t she?  lol

I was talking to a friend yesterday…who is pretty much in the same place i am.  she said that a few months into her new health regime her body was catching up.  meaning that although she had been doing this for months…her body was just now adjusting to the changes…so perhaps my body is doing the same thing…hence this headache that is making me a little crazy.

And so i went home…and napped.  it was only maybe for 20 min…but it was so gooooooood. I used to nap every single day after work…but these past 3 months…i haven’t had the need.
i woke up and had some dinner…walked the dog and just relaxed….watched tv….and just “was”.   I caught myself up on blogs that i have neglected, answered emails that i put on the back burner….you know…the simple things.  i am so in love with the simple things.

It was nice.  and now i am ready for today.  I am excited to get home and work out…get back into my routine….
i now officially declare hump day as my day of rest.

I’ve had a couple of late evenings…but i feel amazing today…even with a headache.  as a creature of the night…i don’t need much sleep to survive the day.
it was the purrrfect night.

it was there that i found my inspiration.
in the night.
i was able to write last night…in a way that i missed…in a way that my fingers could not keep up with my brain.  like my heart was on fire.  a glass of red…and you.
my night inspiration…
but that is not for my personal blog…it’s a bed side journal kinda thang 😉
thank you…
my muse.
if you only knew the words you inspired my heart to write…
who said down time was time wasted.
you could never be a waste of time.

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